Kenw,
<br>God, Ken. This has got to be tough. To hear her say those words after all this time only to have her talking about thinking of dating other guys.
<br>It sounds to me like you have pretty well, through your patient love, proven to her that you are about the best thing in her life as far as what she really needs.
<p>It is said that when a guy goes through mid-life crisis that he'll start doing things to prove to himself that he's still young, like go out an buy a flashy car. If so we know that what he's really doing is exhibiting immaturity. He needs to accept the fact that he is no longer 25 and that that's not a bad thing at all. He needs to be satisfied with the things that come with being 40, 45 or whatever, which are every bit as worthwhile as what he enjoyed at 25, probably even more so. He has something to resolve in himself if he is to get that monkey off him.
<p>Sounds like your wife has something to resolve in herself. Sounds like you have proven your worth and stability to her, but these unresolved immaturities in her are preventing her from fully embracing it. What it will take to do that I cannot say. I don't know if medication should be a part of it. But it sounds like it's been identified, at least in general, and if it's identifyable it's treatable.
<br>Here's wishing you'll win the rest of a battle in which you've been pretty successful so far.

Laurie, I was very interested in your reply. I was really surprised that he is a police officer and is so passive at home. Did your counselor suggest to you how to handle situations where someone has to "put on the pants" so to speak and your husband isn't stepping up? Do you feel he depends on you at home as an escape from his job?My husb. says well that's how I am and I'm not going to change. This makes me feel like he doesn't feel our marriage is worth the effort. Any suggestions out there?

Bruce,
<p>It is difficult. It is draining. But don't let it demoralize you. It's always harder to love someone when they don't reciprocate. Let her (gently) know how you feel, and keep setting a good example. Hopefully, she'll 'get it'.
<p>And my wife used to always run to the computer to check her on-line friends while I was home. And now, if she does it twice a month, it's a lot. So things can get better... :-)
<p>(And I never asked her not to: wow, an act of selfless consideration. And I've actually learned how to appreciate it!)