Right now, he cannot have the children anywhere near the ow as it was agreed upon by both attorneys. After the divorce is final can they be dragged around this woman?<P>I'm not for sure that my H is even still with this woman, but I want to be sure my kids don't have contact with her if at all possible. Mainly due to the fact that she abandoned her 2 young children to move 900 miles away with my H. If she treats her own children so horribly, how will she treat my kids? <P>Does anyone know the legalities on this? Thanks.<P>Tulip

In my state it is very difficult to even prevent them from having overnight visitation at her house when he is still married to me. He introduced the kids to her without my knowledge only six weeks after he left, and then a month or so later let them know he was sleeping in her bed.

It is so sad that they can't see what a bad influence this has on the kids. I am sure now that my H acted the way he has because has dad used to cheat on his mom. Now, my H is trying to pass these values on to his kids I can't believe how accepted infidelity has become.

I wish they hadn't had to learn about infidelity at all at such a young age. It was bothering me yesterday when my 10 year old was singing along with, "Whose bed have your boots been under?", especially when I found out that she did understand what the song was about - although my 17 year old assured me that a lot of 10 year olds are singing along with songs that are a lot more graphic than that.

I think your 17 year old is right, but it still is sad that they have to be exposed to this crap. I've had to try and explain to an 8 year old that he should still love his dad but his dad has done somethings that are not right. I'm hoping that maybe if I keep letting him know that infidelity is not right, maybe he won't follow in his dad's footsteps. Why should they even have to be told about this stuff? <P>

Nellie,<P>The exact same thing happened to me <P>Tulip,<P>Far as I know it is really hard to prevent this. Eventually it will have to happen. I fought it for weeks. If you caught any of my other posts . But in the end, OW is good to my kids, do I still hate her, HE!! yes, but I don't worry that she will harm them. I worry that she will try to replace me, as she does with their pleasant little family 2 nights a month, BUT guess what? I am learning to date, have fun and do new things, so I never had this time before. Plus my ex (not divorced yet, but refer him as it, in my heart, we're thru) sees and spends more time and money on them then before (GUILT) and the kid needed that.<P>Prayers, Dana<BR>

Tulip,<P>I think it was NSR that had a restraining order against his kids being around om.<P>His w fought them and I think, he lost.<P>I had looked into it with my lawyer and here unless they are an unfit parent, on drugs or sexually/physically abusive, they don't care if your spouse is living with a 100 op. Being an adulter and leaving your family doesn't count as being an unfit parent.<P>It sucks!!!!!!<P>Bob

I think Bob is right, I believe that was Jim and it was overturned so to speak. <P>I know how bad it sounds for me to sit here and say, in the end, you have to accept it. People said that to me and I wanted to scream.<P>It is hard, but you can do it. You have to really. Unfortunately the laws don't protect the children and many laws have no concern for their safety unless it is SO outrageous, and even then I've seen horror stories.<P>I hope it ends up working ok for you. Trust me, I want to KILL OW. I have it in the back of my mind, when my STBX ends it with her, I will repay her ten times for what she has done to my children by ripping this family apart as ruthless as she has. In the meantime, while my kids are there, she cooks for them, she buys them little things, she bathes them, changes the baby's diaper, I see when my H and she pull up, she buckles the baby in the car, always seems to be holding her. <P>Ya it burns a hole in my heart, I see her replacing me basically. But to my kids, they see a nice woman who daddy likes and they feel safe. I thank God for that. When my girls are older, I will tell them the truth of this matter. Til then, I just have to bite my lip. Literally, ask anyone who knows me and today as well, the weekend after a visit, my inside of my lip is all bitten from refraining to say what I feel.<P>She pulls up in MY car with MY H and drives away with MY kids. Its hard. But you'll find a way to survive it, we all do. It hurts tremendously.<P>My kids came home this weekend, and sang STILL THE ONE by Shania to me. They are 7 and 9. Even though its a song for a couple, it made me feel as though they were telling me they know who their mom is. ITs the baby I worry about.<P>Good luck, and keep us posted.<BR>Dana<BR>

From the little bit of research I've done, every state is different. But, in a negotiated stipulation agreement - you can write in a moral clause, and it is enforceable - technically - but then get a judge to find a person guilty on a contempt of court charge for morality - might be another thing.<P>I think it is best to negotiate this in a stipulation agreement, and count on the honor system to abide by it.<P>In a lot of states, they will consider any contempt charges regarding not following the morality clause as a frivolous nature, and think the parent bringing the charges up - are malicious. Catch 22.<P>And, many states feel that the parties have the right to "go on with their lives", and usually, a divorce petition is for that exact purpose - the ability to legally get on with your life.<P>I think it would be better to have a temporary morality clause - pending a finality of the agreement - it may have more weight.<P>TNT

Dana,<P>I know, it makes me sick to my stomach to even think this woman will touch one of my kids. Ewwwwwww!!!! Since she cannot not currently be around my children, my H keeps threatening to bring her around. He says there is nothing I can do. I spoke with my attorney about this and she said he will lose his current visitation if she is around! <P>I know it must hurt you to see the ow trying to replace you. Fortunately, she will NEVER be able to accomplish that task. I'm afraid for my children to be around my stbx's ow. She is such a bimbo. If I had to guess how far she went in school, I'd bet she dropped out in about 8th grade. She is really a fruitloop. I think it would be a little better if I thought she would at least take care of my kids. <P>I know I'll manage somehow. We all will. I just wish it wasn't so damn hard! Take care.<P>Tulip

Bob,<P>No kidding! It really does suck. Hope your week is going a little better.<P><BR>TNT,<P>Thanks for the info. I will read upon what can be done in my state. My attorney seems to think that one of the judges does not like kids to be put in that situation. Of course, that is before the divorce is final so who knows where it will stand after the divorce. It seems to be kind of a hard one to fight.<P>Tulip

Thank God I don't have any children at home, but I do have precious grandchildren and a grown daughter and it makes me ill that the OW could be introduced into their lives. My daughter says not, but she is still hurting right now too. Who knows what will happen in time.<P>As far as infidelity being so accepted in our society today, why not? Just look at our own President! What message does this send to our young generation today???!!!<P>The one thing I do know is that we are the biological parent to our children. No one can take the place of us. We must choose our words and actions carefully to not create resentment in their future lives.<P>People will forget what you said...<BR>People will forget what you did... but<BR>People will never forget how you made them fell.<P>Make your children always feel loved inspite of what your spouses did to you.<P>

Sorry, it should have read...<P>People will never forget how you made them feel.

Tulip,<P>When all else fails, and I get REALLY down in the dumps, this is what I think.<P>What comes around goes around. I can't wait to be there when he pulls this crap on the OW, and I guarantee he will. You'll see what I mean when I post today.<P>What he did to me, he'll sure as he!! do to her. And she knows it. Now she is the one living in a fantasy, yet completely unable to be herself. Wait til summer comes and golf season starts, she'll see.<P>Be strong, the stipulation clause on morals up above sounded great. I think had I had a lawyer sooner, I could have stalled a little, but he went out of his way to steal money that was both of ours.<P>Be strong girlfriend. Pretty soon, the kids will have to go. But when they do, you'll notice you and H will fight a little less, cause he can't threaten you as much. I know its not much, but its something.<P>Hugs and prayers, Dana<BR>

Lonelymom,<P>Unfortunately, I found the opposite to be the case. Before my H introduced the kids to the OW, he was spending lots of time with them, and actually paying attention to them. Once they started going over there, all that stopped. The more they went over there, the more they apparently got on her nerves. I think everytime she complains about them, he blames it on me. It is just one more thing for him to be angry at me about.

Since my name was mentioned a few times...<BR>...and boy is the GQ forum quiet with all you folks over here...<P>About my restraining order...<P>3 months or so after my D-day my W was planning to take my kids on a vacation to the shore... with OM and his 2 kids... I flipped out... Filed for a restraining order for no over nights...<P>...and I won...<P>I was so happy...<BR>I thought the courts system real cares...<BR>That they were moral...<BR>...cared about the kids...<P>THEN...<BR>In January, about 4 months after she moved out to live with the OM... she files for the RO to be lifted...<P>AND...<BR>she won...<P>The judge told me the only reason I got the restraining order in July was that we (W & I) were still living together... now that we were living apart it was all OK!<P>She also told me... "...I(judge) cannot bring <B>morals</B> or <B>religion</B> into this court...".<P>Yes... my faith in the court system was more than shattered. And everything else (about the divorce process) has confirmed my disappointment.<P>I hope I don't end up here soon...<BR>...but it look like I just might.<P>Praying for all of you. <P>Jim

That is what I have been told by lawyers too - that morality is irrelevant in this state. It makes no sense for that to be the case, especially in a state where adultery and even fornication are illegal.

I think the only way you may be able to keep the kids away from the OW would be if she was doing something illegal that you could prove. The OW in my case was dating 2 men at the same time and one ended up shot. Also she sells marijuana and I have witnesses to prove this. I'm hoping this will work. If not, I'll just have to dig up more dirt on her. My children do not want to be around her. My oldest said if he's ever around her, he's going to be mean to her for taking his dad. It's pretty sad.<P>Good luck,<BR>Mitzi