Hey Guys,<P>I had to go to a kids class last night that the courts make you go to here in Central Mo.<P>It was a class bascially how not to put your children between you and your X.<P>For the most part it was good, but some of the stuff was pretty boring.<P>But weepy me, had tears in my eyes that I am reduced to going to class like this, because of my H. It is just one more thing to add to my resentment.<P>I wonder at times like this, what is wrong with me. Why does he not want me?<P>But then I have to think why do I want HIM.<P>Did anyone else here have to go a class like that?<P>Thanks

Hi M3K,<P>Nice to see you around again.<P>I have not been ordered to go, but we have one like that here in NY and I plan on taking it voluntarily. <P>You are not a bad person for crying in there, you are a good person. A wonderful person that doesn't deserve this.<P>keep strong and positive and I will follow this one. I am thinking of taking the class here. It sounds about the same.<P>Dana<BR>

My3kids,<BR>I live in Arizona and it is a law here that both parties have to go to a class like that here too. I agree with you, it seems terrible to have to go to some class like that because of your spouse. It is hard to not feel like a failure. But, they are the one who let the family down, not you. I guess we have to look at it as another thing that will help us to help our kids get thru this mess. <BR>It is irritating when you are the only person who is focusing on the kids and are expected to go to class on the subject.<BR>Too bad they don't make spouses go to classes on adultry and the pain they are causing because of their selfishness. Just venting! <BR>Hang in there!<BR>

M3K,<P>I had to take a class similar to the one you described. Actually, everyone in the family has to take it except very young children. My son and I have completed the class several months back. My stbx still has not gone and our divorce is final in 3 weeks! <BR>If I'm correct the divorce cannot be granted until he completes the course.<P>Is the class in MO a state required class or county required? I thought ours was state run but several people have told me that other counties don't require this course.<P>Hang in there. None of us deserve the pain we are being put through but we will make it!<P>Tulip

I had to attend one her in Calif.PACT<BR>Parents and children together.<BR>Was mandated by the court in our county. I think it will be in all counties soon if not already. <BR>It was a very good class. I did learn alot. I guess the most important one was that the children are just as devestated as we are. H was suppose to go to, but didn't . He is out of state. <BR>I know this does affect our son, in more ways than his father will admit. <BR>I think no one should be able to get Divorced without both parents attending the class. <BR>That doesn''t mean they will come away with points that you picked up on, but at least maybe some of the things will stick when you get into discussing what is best for the children.

I had to go to one of those classes here, and it was filled with misleading and incorrect information. They are apparently required to discuss the "sleeper effect" - where children who seem ok suddenly start suffering psychological problems several years down the road. The idiotic teacher described it as, "A few years from now your children may have a few questions." <P>They did not even address the issue of infidelity at ALL. They did talk briefly about not getting involved in a relationship too soon after divorce, but they completely ignored the fact that almost everyone in the room was either a betrayer or a betrayed, from what the attendees themselves said. It seemed as if they very much did not want to step on anyone's toes, or to even hint that divorce might be a bad thing. <P>

In Ontario one has to go before anything else can be done after filing.<BR>Spouses go on different days. It was the most ridiculuous waste of time. Mostly about the process of the law and children..did not learn anything re the effect on kids and it was not well dealt with IMO.<P>We had to have a case conference before the case moved forward and my lawyer, his lawyer H and myself were trying to work to settlement (LOL) and I told his lawyer that he needed to go to a parenting class as he has no IDEA what he did, is doing and how his continuing behaviour has adversely affected the kids (13-19 years old!!!)<BR>THis man has caused so much damage in all the families relationships, manipulating the kids against each other, against me, as long as they all see him in a positive light. But things have a way of working out in the end!!!!(I hope) <P>

Thank you all for the replies:<P>Lonely Mom, thank you for telling me I am a good person. Sometimes my self esteem goes right out the window. You are a great person too.<P><BR>

My goofy computer (not me) messed up I did not get to finsish<P>Trytoletgo: My H keeps saying that our kids will be fine through all this. But he is not here dealing with all the issure I have had too. I have been going to a therapist and half of our session is about my kids and how to handle them through this. Yes my H needs a class on something...but I really think he needs a brain operation...but I guess he can't because he has lost his brain.<P>Tulip: there was people there from several counties close by, so I am not for sure if it is state wide or county wide. No none of us desearve this.<P>Trya: I believe my H went a couple of weeks ago. He got to go first because he comes and goes as he pleases and I have to take care of all the kids stuff. I am glad that you benifited from the class.<P>Nellie: They did not say a word as to why we were there such as infidelity ect. They just mentioned the kids. They did give us a booklet for help # to call for parents.<P>willbok99: I guess my class was a little better. But it was very hard for me to sit through it. I thought we were the perfect couple, committeed to the kids and to each other. It was like seeing all my dreams go down the drain.<P>Thanks everyone for replying<P><BR>

I too went to the class and I thought it was good. My x went too and she said it was boring and she knew all the stuff. Then she goes out and forced om down the kids throats. She also went on a day she could have had the kids, instead of going someother time.