My wife wants divorce - sees our marriage as hopeless and wants to be free to pursue relationship with her EA/PA OM. She wants to get an apartment nearby and have us alternate weeks living there while divorce is proceeding - thinks we "need space and time apart."<P>There is no part of me that wants to divorce her. I love her. I believe our marriage is a covenant relationship between us and God, that it is intended to be permanent and we are to work through the problems that now exist, to provide a stable, loving home for our children (two boys, almost 4 and 2). If divorce is to proceed, she will be the one to file and her stated intent is to file this week.<P>Since discovery nine weeks ago, I have been working to Plan A and trying to meet her needs that for too long I have left unmet. Her affair has continues unabated and there is no indication that she is willing to consider anything other than getting a divorce "as quickly, painlessly, and with as little impact on the boys as possible." <P>If she pursues divorce, I'm not sure that there is much point to making the proceedings more emotionally or financially difficult than is necessary. However, I also do not want to participate in the process or sign any papers related to the legal, if not moral, dissolusion of our marriage. <P>I know she would take it as a major LB to her for me "stall" or not participate. The same goes for her desire for us to move out of the house on alternate weeks. <P>My trust is in God to work in this situation for His glory, but I know people are the instrument He most often works through. I want my actions to be consistent with His will, but I am so uncertain as to how to proceed at this point.<P>Thanks for the vent, any advise or commentary would certainly be appreciated.

My opinion is to protect yourself and your children. I filed first when my wife told me that she saw no hope in the marriage. I got primary custody of the children. She moved out on March 13th.<P>I would NOT move out of the house. Doing this almost assures you of losing custody. She is not in her right mind. What makes you think she will uphold her part of the bargain?<P>I told her when I filed that she could stop the process at any point with one word. The word: Committment. So far, she has not said it. But I see some chinks in the armor. I am doing the best plan A I can, and I think I am seeing some small dividends.<P>Good Luck and may the Lord bless you and keep you<P>

Teaxan,<P>I agree with Grandpabri. Suppose on the weekend you are gone, she decides not to allow you back in. Then you are out in the cold and she can/will move om in.<P>As far as her wanting the divorce to not impact the boys, how will going from two parents to one and some other man hanging around their mother not affect them ? Ask her those questions.<P>I told my then w she could not live in the house and date so she left. She later blamed me for throwing her out saying she wasn't dating him(just spending all kinds of time with om at work, and screwing him on occasions) when all she had to to do to stay was to give om up which she refused to do.<P>You do have a chance. I would keep Plan A but you do have to protect the children and yourself. I think you can bring these items up in a non-lovebusting fashion.<P>Good Luck and God Bless<P>Bob

Texan,<BR><BR>I am also Texan. I also found out 10 weeks ago that my H is having an affair.<BR><P><BR>He moved out 4 weeks ago and is pushing very hard for divorce. Your second paragraph is my stance. We do not have children together, however.<BR><P><BR>He claims there is major resentment happening every time I put off agreeing to divorce. He wants to remain friends and even work together in the theatre.<BR><P><BR>I feel strongly that God intends married people to remain together. I'm also of the feeling that sometimes humans marry when God would have had them wait on someone else.<BR><P><BR>We must pray that God will reveal the steps for us to take. Am trying to do Plan A, but with H out of the house, it is difficult to do. <BR><P><BR>Our spouses are in the throes of Satan's workers right now, and God is the best answer. Pray, pray, pray<BR><P><BR><P>------------------<BR>Committed

Texan - DO NOT MOVE OUT OF YOUR HOME!!! If she no longer wants the marriage, let her move out. If she does, file for separation and custody, as she has abondoned the marriage, home and children with no legal cause. You do not have to pursue anything further legally than that. In most states if two parties live apart for a specified period of time, one party may then file to make the divorce final on grounds of physical separation. If she wishes to do this, she will have to legally make to move to finalize the divorce. Get an attorney now so that he/she can apprise you of the applicable state laws, so that you can make informed decisions. You may have to file for divorce/separation if she moves out of the house in order for you to gain custody of the house and the boys. You must protect yourself and your boys, no matter what she does. However, let her know that you still love her, want the marriage, but that you cannot go any further until she gives up her OM, and that you will protect yourself legally and financially. I know this sounds harsh. But there is always the chance she will change her mind, and at least the home will be preserved if she decides to return. Do not put yourself in the position of being accused of abandonment. Keep in Plan A as long as you can, and without losing your self-respect. Good luck and my prayers are with you.

Committed,<P>I'm also a Texan (of the Dallas variety). Sorry to hear of your situation. I have a prayer that may help you.<P>Dear God,<P>Thank you for protecting my soul and for providing an angel to walk with me during this difficult time. Please provide an angel to walk with my H and lead him to the joy that he deserves in his life. I know that his path through the darkness of life has lead him away from your light. I will patiently await your direction for my life and will eagerly follow the path that you have found for me.<P>Best Wishes!<P>Tegan

Dear Texan, <BR>You need to first protect your kids and yourself. People in an affair are not thinking straight, and you must make sure that your kids have the right home. <P>Stay in the home, with the kids. If she wants out, have her move. Consult with an atty on a separation. Let her know that you love her, and you want the marriage, but you must protect the kids. <P>Do what you can do to show her you love her and want the marriage. When you can no longer do it without lovebusting, then Plan B is for you. Read some of the posts about Plan A and B, they will help you. <BR>Good luck through this very rough stage in your life. <P>------------------<BR>Susan

Texan: My heart goes out to you right now - been there done that, bought the t-shirt! I don't believe in divorce whatsoever; however, my H now lives out of state with the ow and felt I had to protect myself legally and financially along with protecting my 2 children (same ages as yours)as there are a lot of years ahead for them. To me the divorce I will receive in court is just a piece of paper that tells me we no longer live together and share our names financially. In GOD's eyes, I will always be married to my H. I pray each day that GOD will continue to work on him and lead him back to us someday. In the meantime, me and the kids will be great and have a good time growing together as a small family. <P>If your wife really thinks that this won't impact the kids - she can guess again. Yes, they will bounce back but why should they have to. This is the part that infuriates me the most - these children were conceived by love and when they looked into both our eyes after they were born they expected the family bond to continue - not separate. Sorry, this is a real sore spot with me and I really hurt for my kids but I'll never let them see it. <P>Take Care and Keep the Faith! <P>Missy2