I just wrote a long post under general questions. Don't want to type it all over again. <P>Feeling very down today. I was convinced that my h affair was an addiction but his mom who loves me like a daughter talk to me today and I think she was trying to let me know that after 2 years for him to still have feelings for this woman that it must be love. She still prays for us to reconcile but even she is losing hope. <P>I still believe he is so lost and this affair has got him so confuse. But, When do you know its time to move on and go for a divorce. <P>Sometimes I think that if it was meant to be, somewhere down the road we will reunite and get remarried. But, I just don't want to go thru with this if my hunch is correct and this affair of his is going to die out now that its out in the open and he is living with her. ( 4 months now) <P>Any thoughts???

I don't know what it will be for others, but my point of no return was when she told me that there was no hope for the marriage. That was before I found this site. <P>I told her when I filed that I would stop the process at any time if she recommitted herself to the marriage. So far, no. But I see some cracks.<P>I also needed to protect myself and my children. She was being very irresponsible. Not spending any time at home. Would not give any money for the upkeep of the household. Calling the OM on our phone and cooing to him in front of me and the kids.<P>I told her when she left, she would go alone. She didn't believe me. I told her she would not get custody of the kids. She didn't believe me. Now I have primary custody and she lives with the OM. She says she is thinking about coming back.<P>I asked her the other day if she wanted to postpone the divorce until she makes her final decision. She said no.<P>So my bottom line was when I needed to protect my family from her. And when living with her became unbearable. I don't know if she will ever come back. I doubt it. I don't know if I want her to come back, even though I plan A my butt off whenever I see her.<P>Hope this helps.<P>Good Luck to you

Missy9 (nice name) - Everyone has their own limits when they can't handle it any longer. You have to follow your own instincts and heart. <P>For me it was after he moved out of our house and moved out of state to live with her. I gave it a window of time and then realized I needed to protect me and the kids financially. He was very good during this time of providing for us financially but I just didn't forsee an end in site. <P>I am not happy at all that I filed for Divorce - definitely nothing that I want but I couldn't be stupid either. My kids are far to young to risk being out on my ear. I have left the door open and he knows if he wants to change his mind before the final the option is there but I will say no more. <P>I wish you well - it is a tough decision! Just make sure you make this decision for you and not what your family and friends want you to do. Remember, this is your life, you have to live it - don't do unless you are absolutely sure this is what you have to do. Had my H beein living in town near us and living with her I maybe would have held out longer but being out of state - what's the point. <P>One thing is for sure - I will always love him! <P>Missy2

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by grandpabri:<BR><B>...I told her when I filed that I would stop the process at any time if she recommitted herself to the marriage. So far, no. But I see some cracks.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I did the same. I felt like I had to look at the reality of the situation and deal with that while hoping that things could be different. <P>I filed the day I found out about the infidelity. He stalled and stalled, but slowly but surely we are getting there.<P>My heart leapt at every little sign that things might be improving, but I didn't let that stop or delay the divorce process because I didn't want it to be two years later and have to start all over with divorce negotiations. I figured, and even wanted, that we could recommit our marriage vows in honesty if things worked out, so re-marriage was a workable option for me.<P>My last straw was when I risked everything. I tried to see things from his point of view. I imagined that it must have been very troubling for him to be "driven" to someone else and that his trust in me must have been very broken down if he could not tell me the truth of his actions and feelings. I knew that I wanted to see some kind of confirmation from him that being together was something he wanted too, but realized that maybe he needed the same from me? Maybe he was too wounded to make the first move. Maybe we were both waiting for someone to do something and wasting the opportunity! So, I told him to come back home and we'd deal with this together.<P>He was ecstatic and said that he'd be home after his parent's visit was over. I thought that was fine. In the meantime, I told him I would be very hurt if he introduced his "friend" to his parents. <P>Well, he did and that did it. He said it wasn't a big deal. They were just passing each other and thought it was the polite thing to do. They didn't hang out. They'd spoken to her a million times on the phone before. It was out of his control. He didn't know they'd be in the same space at the same time. Yadda Yadda Yadda. <P>I told him he missed the point. The point was, I would be hurt if that happened and he didn't have enough regard for my feelings to do anything to prevent it. Because he thought it was no big deal, my feelings didn't count.<P>I raged, then calmed down, then suddenly cried uncontrollably. I knew at that moment, that I had nothing left to give this.<P>In the grand scheme of things, this is a pretty minor point, but you never know what small betrayal will be the one that does you in.

Isn't it just amazing - at times I often wonder what mold some men were made from. How many times do we have to get the wave in the face before they realize how much they have hurt us and continue to do so without any feeling on their part! My H is a wonderful man - I will always love him in spite of what we are going through but he is clueless to my feelings - I really believe that. And, that hurts more than anything! Me, I'm so dumb though (although I'm getting better) I keep stepping up again just waiting for another wave! One of these days maybe it will just knock me out cold!<P>Take Care<BR>Missy2