Hello everyone.<BR>My problem is one that I am sure that is not a new one. My wife has decided that she wants to be with another man. She had an affair with him 2 years ago. She filed for divorce and they moved in together for a short while. He eventually moved to Tampa and she returned to me. I said that I forgave her, but in my heart I was very hurt. Over time we were able to make a good life for ourselves again. Lately with work pressure I was unable to meet her need for conversation. She started calling him again. then one weekend she went for a visit. I did not say no, because I did not want her to think I did not trust her. Two days later she wanted a divorce again. She writes him letters that were once for me. <BR>Now she sees him every weekend and they are talking about moving in together. They have already made a commitment to each other. I have tried to tell her that I truly love her and want us to be able to work everything out. She says she loves me, but is not in love with me. I understand what that means now that I have read "your love and marriage". I have tried to support her and let her know she has a friend if she needs me. She has asked for a divorce, and I have signed the papers without a fight. I am now moving to Tenn. to give her the space and time needed to explore what she wants.<BR>The question I have is through these times how can someone still say "I love you" from a distance, and not seem too pushy or that she is being "smothered"? The move to Tenn. is a great new start, but I still want my family with me. How long is too long to wait? Is there any hope?<BR>I certainly appreciate any help..... this is a very confusing time.

When you put that much geographic distance between you, you really dont have a lot of hope. Add to all of that the past and the realistic chances aren't good. It's easier to attach to someone who is right there in the flesh.

I can understand you not wanting to be around your w while she is in the affair. But what about your children?<P>Please reconsider the move for your childrens benefits. You are going to come out looking like the bad guy here. The kids will see you moving away and there mother living with another man. They need their father.<P>My x bought a house in town and I deeply wish she would have moved away so I wouldn't see her and om around this small town. Plus they moved in beside a good friend of mine so I probably won't go over to see him anymore. But in the long run she is there, some what, for the kids.<P>Please reconsider the job move. Even if you can't save your marriage, you still will be close to your kids.<P>God Bless,<P>Bob

Thanks for the reply Bob. It is unfortunate that the move is quite necessary. I do not have a car. My X is moving to Tampa anyway. I have an oppurtunity to better my career, and get back to school. I have spent every moment I can with the children before I go. I have tried to explain why things are they way they are. To be positive about the situation......if we do get a chance at another start we both wanted out of the state of Florida. I will always be there for the kids.

BSK: Since the move is inevitable I would like to take this moment to give you some advice about long distance parenting. My H has chosen to move out of state from me and our two kids - it is tough on them without a doubt but they don't talk about it much. Even if the pain of being separated from your kids is great - don't put off calling them, sending them post cards, sending them letters in the mail, send them pictures of your apartment or your new place of employment, etc. I don't know their ages but this is so important that you are constantly in their face. I wish my H was more like this but I have to leave it up to him to decide what kind of relationship he chooses to have with his kids. The same goes for you but do all you can to be there for them even when you are miles apart.<P>I wish you well!<P>Missy2

Thanks Missy,<BR>I have already covered those bases....I will be there for my children. Everything happens for a reason. I think in the end there may be some hope of us being a family again. I won't give up. The move is not to get away, but to provide a better quality of living if we become a family again.