My ex-husband and I have been divorced for almost a year. He got these books over almost two months ago and I have read three of them. He is reading them now. He wants to implement the ideas BEFORE reconciliation as sort of an insurance policy. I am wondering if this material is as effective or if you can get the fullest benefit living apart and divorced. I anyone has had this experience, and used the materials and successfully reconciled, I would appreciate any tips or feedback you could give me. Thanks!<P>------------------<BR>

Welcome! I can't really answer your question because I am not divorced as yet but feel Dr. Harley's books, etc. are most beneficial. But you have to have the desire and implement the changes - just reading the books aren't going to do it for you. <P>I am a little confused, you have been divorced for a year but have you remained living together during that time? Also, I gather you aren't as thrilled on reconciling as your husband is? Am I interpreting that correctly?<P>I wish you well.<P>Missy2

I think that the basics would be good for any marriage whether it is remarrying x spouse or a new spouse.<P>The POJA and Complete Honesty should work in any marriage.

Missy2 - <P>Just some clarification on my situation. My ex-husband and I have been separated for over a year and divorced since July of 1999. We have not lived together since May of 1999. Of the two of us, I am the one who has been most anxious to reconcile. Things have been up and down in the last year. Two months ago, he got three of Dr. Harley's books and presented them to me for my review. I took them on a business trip and read all three of them. I liked the material very much and can see how, if you follow the principles, stop the love busters and figure out the emotional needs of the other person, your relationship can be better than you even imagined. We see each other often but usually it is at the end of the day. He takes two days out of the week to spend by himself or with the three children he has living with him, one who is going through a divorce himself. The kids are 22, 18 and 16. I know that you cannot read a book and have it solve all your problems. But, I guess I was wondering how much difference it can make in your relationship when you are already divorced and do not live together. I want to tap into this material and make the most of it. I don't want to drag out a reconciliation attempt for years and years but I want to give it a realistic chance. Any other comments? Thanks for your response to my note! I am really hoping to tap into lots of people and their experiences.<BR>

I have been divorced for almost 3 yrs after a 28 yr marriage. I was left for OW and just found out recently, they have become engaged. I have been the one who wanted to reconcile the marriage, but as you can see there has been no interest on his part. I have read all of Dr Harley's books and also read Divorcebusters,plus many other books on this subject. I have made significant changes in myself, but it hasn't changed my relationship with ex the way I had hoped. I would give anything if he had shown the slightest interest. I think your husband giving you those books is a wonderful sign, and shows he is interested. I see your reluctance,but you'll never know if it could have worked out without giving it your best shot. Michelle from Divorcebusters , told me 10% of divorced couples eventually end up remarrying--I would give my eye teeth to be in that 10%..My advice is to go slow, and take it one step at a time. It will be hard work, but if you make it--it will be glorious!!