Giving too much?<P>Do any of you out there think that there is<BR>such a thing as a person giving too much?<P>I sometimes have thought that I do.<BR>I like to make people happy. (that is who I am )I have always been like this, for as long as I can remember. <P>I live by the "Golden Rule"... (treat others how I would like to be treated ) Sometimes I think that the way I treat people I do expect that in return.Maybe it is too much to ask for that other person, it is <BR>too much for them? (maybe bc I have such a high opinion of my self, my expectations are too high?) people that don’t have a very good self esteem, maybe they just can’t give??( my H is always asking my why I married him?) He doesn’t see it in him self.<P>Is it really too much to ask your sp to make compromises and to negotiate to find a win-win solution to our problems?<BR>Why is it so hard for some people to make compromises? I see it as being pretty easy. <P>Do I love too easily???....( I think that I do ) I have only been in really 2 serious relationships, and this includes my H.(I feel like I am a little loyal puppy,just asking for some attention.) I think that I give so much of my self that <BR>I don’t know.... maybe it is a turn off, or comes across as smothering, I don’t know????? I have learned that I can love someone so easily.....<P>I have now learned that I really only have one need. When that need is met,I am happy! And boy, watch out bc I am than way out of control!!(LOL).....I don't think that I like what that says about me???...Does that mean that I can "fall" for someone that I really shouldn’t?<P>I have learned so much....but yet so terrified that I will find my self<BR>in the same situation as before. I knew who he was, I knew that he didn’t <BR>have a very strong religious background (shoot he didn’t have any.) I knew<BR>that he was a major conflict avoider,but yet <BR>I still chose to marry him and show him my love.....why?<P>I really don’t expect any responses.....I am just rambling......(babbling....blah, blah, blah,...LOL....that is what I do best!)<P>(I do believe that is why he fell in love w/me....but now after 15 years, I do<BR>think that it now drives him crazy!!....(what am I supose to do, this is who I am.)<P>Thanks............<P>Gina<BR>

I thought the same way, yet as I look, I was giving without alot of return, or the return was not as I would like or expect it.<P>Our backgrounds and life experiences were so different that its no wonder we lasted this long. Actually, I almost did the D thing twice before, and if I knew then what I knew now, I would have!<P>However, we have two great kids, and hopefully they will not be so screwed up so as to repeat the mistakes we made. I can explain it all to them (W doesn't have a clue about it) but they also have to learn this stuff on their own, just as we have.<P>Again, I think your posts have shown tremendous growth, and although you appear to be heading down the same path as I, I hope your H takes notice and comes to his senses.<P>thl

I am similar to you in that I can give, give, give but I really don't care if I get the same back in return. That is the way I have always been to put others first and if there is a crumb left for me so be it. Now it has cost me my marriage because I ignored me and didn't take care of me. <P>I learned alot since he left us and am trying to put me first and take care of me and then spend the rest of the time giving to others. <P>That is tough for me though - I feel I'm being selfish but noone seems to be complaining.<P>Missy2

WIFTT,<P>You know what the truly sad thing is........<BR>I don't really care if he comes around or not.<P>I really have been so much better since he left......I am such a "UP" person and he is such a "Down" person that he was dragging me down w/him!...........when all of this started I realized what was happening......I had changed,and not for the good.<BR>Now,thank heaven I am back to my "old" self,and I am happy again!<P>What ever it is that he is going through,he doesn't want me a part of it....<BR>I want to go out and laugh,dance,go swimming in the lake,sleep underneath the stars,and any other thing that I can think of!.....<P>I have learned just how fast life can pass us by.........I want to live my life w/love and laughter!!!!! <P>Most of all I want to give all of my self to some one and have them appreciate and be grateful for what they have!.......and vice-versa!<P>Ok.so I want it all.......LOL.....<BR>I don't it is too much to ask for?????<P>What duh ya think????????<P>Gina

Gina,<P>I always assumed that w.g.up.h stood for<BR>Will Give UP Husband, and I was right! <P>As I have said in other posts, you've got it now, and I have read tremendous growth from you.<P>But I also want to say, don't take my "analysis" of teachers too seriously. It is a generalization which was told to me by a graduate school professor.<P>The point about moving from point a to point b each year is interesting, if that is ALL you do, then you can become stagnant. As long as you keep your non working life growing, learning and advancing, the teaching stuff will be just fine.<P>Its when the teaching aura becomes everything, ie goes to one's head, that it becomes a problem, just as if my executive job always trying to make people see my way as the RIGHT way is not always good for<BR>a W. expecially if W is always right in class.<P>Yikes, we can't have two right people all the time. That is often a problem, which POJA usually solves.<P>anyway, I am impressed, and if I remember you are blonde?? anyway, now you can be a<BR>MB guru like NSR, Karenna, and Just Learning.<P><BR>take care<P>thl<P>

WIFTT,<P>Thank you........but I don't think that I am any where near NSR,Karenna,JL.<P>I have found that just bc we are going through some of the same things in are marriages,we are all still different and can lend a different perspective.(I just love this place!)LOL<P>I thought that your analysis,of teachers made a lot of sence.Not everyone is going to fit into that catagory,I think a lot has to do w/who the person is and their personality!<BR>BTW........Both my parents are/were,retired now from Teaching.<P>I do believe that a lot of who I am today is bc of them and my raising.(altough,I fought them tooth and nail when I was a teenager. )<P>I would love to have their marriage.They have everything that I think one should have in a marriage.(you know it is truly ironic,they didn't want me to marry him,I supose that they knew that his upbringing would be our down fall.)OH,well,I am ok w/it.I would do it all over again. <BR>Geeeessssssshhhhh,what does that say,I must be a gluten for punishment! ....LOL<P>And Yes,I am BLONDE......and I love it!<BR>Now that it is summer,I will be out in the catching some rays,getting a nice tan.YEAH!......gosh,I love the summer! <P>You know,it is funny,I can be pretty stuborn,and some times it shows that I have to be right.But the one thing that I have found is that the older I get,the more I tend to be more relaxed in that area.<BR>Most importantly I know that a relationship can't be "one sided".....you both have to make compromises.......give and take.<BR>(do you think there are any sweet/great guys out there that can keep me in conversation and can make compromises?????? ) <BR>Well,a girl can dream!<P>Hey,you have any blonde jokes......love them,how about any other jokes,I could really go for a good LOL right now!....<P>Take it easy......<BR>p.s.on you other thread,I didn't respond,only bc I just really don't know what would be a good idea?......<P>Hang in there it will work out alright!<P>Gina <P>

Gina,<P>Most of the teachers I know are married to teachers. One of the reasons is that they spend their life together doing the same things, having the same goals, having the same vacations, which are forever scheduled. So are my IL's.<P>these goals are strange to me being in business. In this house, it is like the bleeding left wing married to the hard working with performance incentive, right wing business man.<P>The two ideologies really don't get along very well together for a lifetime. A teacher has a very steady day in and day out existance, and usually waits for students to come to them.<P>I have very big ups and downs as far as demands, required travelling, lots of pressure and legal requirements, and I don't wait to someone to come to me, I go and ask them.<P>Yes, my parents also did not think I made a wise choice, but we took risks, and learned from our mistakes. Lets look around, and NOT settle for something less than equal.<P>BTW, a relationship can be one sided for a time to reach a specific goal. Its just that the situation has to be agreed upon. And there has to be something beneficial given to the other S for giving.<P>OH well, wasn't thinking you needed blond jokes, just that now you don't belong in the typical blonde camp. <P>thl<p>[This message has been edited by WhenIfindthetime (edited June 03, 2000).]

<BR> WOW !!! You are to good to be true; what is your wife thinking? She needs help is all I can say. It sounds like a move might help,<BR> but I think she has problems that need therapy ( indiv. & joint ). You sir are an amazing husband! take heart with help she can grow to know how lucky she is to have an h like you. God bless you, GWM

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by LOST123:<BR><B><BR> WOW !!! You are to good to be true; what is your wife thinking? She needs help is all I can say. It sounds like a move might help,<BR> but I think she has problems that need therapy ( indiv. & joint ). You sir are an amazing husband! take heart with help she can grow to know how lucky she is to have an h like you. God bless you, GWM</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P> Sorry Wrong place for this post.

<B>WIFTT,</B><P>You are right about the "one-sided"........I have always stood by my H when it came to his job,I wanted him to be happy.We made sooo many moves,but I knew that it was for the benefit of my H and family.<P>I have wanted to go back to school now for about the last couple of years..........the problem w/that is he is not willing to take up his "time" to stay at home and take care of his own children.Yes,it would be a sacrifice for him to give up some of his time,but I look at it in the long run,I would have a better job,and more money,w/which he is forever complaining about!.....(oh,let me just say that it wouldn't be full time,I would still be working,and only taking one class at a time...nights,very slow process.)Oh well,doesn't matter much now anyway!<P>I look at it this way.......if I had not married him I would not have had this learning experience.If it weren't for all of this I wouldn't have the growth as a person!<P>Even tho my marriage is over,and it is very sad to think about all of it,I still see it as a very positive thing.(the optimist in me )<P>Well,I do love blonde jokes. <P>This is something that my parents learned,and I have also found this to be true,There are so many people out there that have different levels of Intelegence and IQ's.I for one am not "Book" smart and in some cases my "blonde" does really show.(I really do hate that by the way.)but I do know that it is not "Book" smarts or analytical conversation that makes the person.<P>I for one think that just my personality and how I relate to others kinda makes up for my intelegence! .....I never take my self too seriously!...Ha,Ha, LOL<P>So there is really a blonde camp?????? <BR>Where is it????.....I would like to go camping!......Ha, .....(just having a little fun!)<P>Take it easy.<P>Gina <P>