Hi everyone...<BR>...this is unfortunately the correct forum for me...<P>There are so many other stories of pain here...<BR>...so I try to keep it off the the GQ forum...<P>I know that there more difficult problems out there...<BR>...so much more difficult than mine...<BR>...and so I thank you all... for even just a little thought of me.<P>I posted in Deb's <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/003238.html" TARGET=_blank>Updates, post your updates here.</A> yesterday...<BR>...but here's just a bit more detail.<P>I <B>still</B> have a scheduled trial date for the divorce on Monday June 5th...<BR>...that would one day after our 12th anniversary. <BR>...that in and of itself would have made the week a bit more difficult.<P>My attorney called me yesterday... after my posting... and said...<BR>The trial has not been postponed, but <B>I may not have to show up</B>, since...<BR>... we are scheduled 3rd in a group of 5 trials for the day...<BR>... and my W's attorney can at best offer an associate in his(attorney's) place<BR>......(due to a prior legal commitment)<BR>......(W's attorney was willing to postpone... but judge wants to push forward)<BR>... and my attorney requested a postponment since she has not filled out her "case information statement"(required before going to trial)<BR>... and my attorney filed to request a full disclosure of all my W's assests/financial information...<P>...so...<P>I am on a telephone standby to go to trial!<BR>I will have to go in (if the first 2 cases are resolved/adjourned...)<BR>... to give the judge a chance to offer us one more try at resolving the issues ourselves!<P>...well...<BR>that is just not going to happen.<P>I again called my W last night...<BR>...and she again refused to talk about anything to do with the divorce...<BR>...or for that matter... anything else <BR>...W hung up on me again <BR>...and yes... the OM was in the background yelling at me...<BR>...but at least there were no obscenities from him or her. <P>Even last night... my W AIM-ed my son... (boy does he hate talking to <B>his</B> mom by e-mail/AIM)... to tell him...<BR>how much of a "big fat liar" I was, in regards to my son's ~$30K social security benefit money (Biological father was disabled)!<P>This is money she kept total control of for about six years now...<BR>Had a separate account for it...<BR>The account was opened with over $6,000... <BR>and at least $450.00 every month was(should have been) deposited!...<BR>Would not let me see any of the statements...<BR>... and one month before she moved out... closed the account with about $2,300.00<P>She is now telling him(my son) that "<B>I have this money</B>"!...(huh???)<BR>...how/when it moved into my any of my accounts is news to me!<BR>...my account balances didn't go up one thin dime!<P>Sorry... I had to vent on this one... <P>Full discloure in court is going to hurt my W on this one...<BR>...and with the social security administration too... <P>-------------------------------------------------------------------------<P>My attorney keeps telling me... the courts will <B>not</B> put aside any money for my kids education...<BR>...(or at best it is unlikely this{money set aside} will happen)<BR>...since them money was being saved in a 401K plan<BR>...(where the growth rate was many times greater than any other investment)<P>... and I will have to beg my W for it when the time comes...<BR>... for her to contribute to the kid's education!<BR>... and after the begging... I'll have to take her to court again... more $$$!<P><BR>...oh yeahhh... he(my attorney) will be glad to file an appeal if/when I lose...<BR>...the appeal should cost a little more than $5,000!<P>-------------------------------------------------------------------------<P>On the personal front...<P>I've been unemployed for 2 weeks...<BR>(that's OK... I'll pick up a new job in July... I really can do it!)<P>I'm going to Europe for 3 weeks in late June/early July for my grandparents 65th anniversary... <BR>My sister and brother are loaning me the money so I can go with the kids... <BR>I do have the best family!<BR>(although all want me to "move on with (my) life"... I understand them)<BR>I'll really be missing all of you when I gone!<P>And yes... my son's car just died...<BR>...now I'm super taxi...<BR>...and looking to find another car... with money I can't touch yet!<P>Today(Friday) is another visitation weekend for my W...<BR>...I pray she puts away her daggar eyes and hateful facial expressions<BR>...I will Plan A my best today <BR>...and on Sunday (anniversary) when she drops them off... <P>-------------------------------------------------------------------------<P>But I'm really OK...<BR>...I got someone above looking after me... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P>So why did I post...<BR>...to ask for your thoughts and prayers for Monday (possible trial)<P>Just knowing you guys/gals are here helps me get through these upcoming difficult days...<P>Thanks one and all.<P> [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P>Jim<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited June 02, 2000).]

Jim, <BR>It just pains me to see what you have to go through. You have been such an inspiration to all of us. <BR>It is so painful, and hurtful to be the betrayed.......<BR>On the one hand, you want your marriage and know that the fantasy they have with the OP will end....<BR>And on the other, the pain and upheaval it creates makes you just want it to be over so you can get on with your life. <BR>And sometimes we have no choice, as you right now. <BR>But, you do have some choices.....<BR>1. Make the best of this, for you and your kids. <BR>2. Know you are a good person, God is watching you and will take care of you. <BR>3. Know that a loving relationship will be in your future, whether it is your wife if-when she wakes up, or another loving person who has maybe been where you are at now and has learned what it tkes for a relationship to last. <BR>4. Know we are all here for you, whenever and however you need us to be. <P>My deepest prayers are with you this week, Jim.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Susan

Jim,<BR>I am so sorry for your pain. Sue did have some excellent points that you know are true.<P>We are here for you Jim and I will keep you in special prayer this weekend.<P>Please use all that excellent advice you give to others on yourself. You are one of the most clear thinking, level headed persons on this board. You know you will survive it, but it will be painful.<P>You know the old saying, no pain, no gain!<P>Hang in there !!<P>God's Blessings to you and the kids.<P>Bob

Jim:<P>Keep the faith, brother!<P>I'm wondering if your wife can be found responsible for fraud with her son's account, and forced to pay restitutions.<P>God bless.<P>

Jim,<P>I can really understand alot of what you are feeling. My anniversary date is coming up on June 11th. I am already wondering how I am going to feel on that day - nostalgic or resentful or just maybe that it is nothing more than another day, now? Sad thing is that my birthday is the very next day, so I am hoping my old anniversary day will not prevent me from enjoying my birthday.<P>Sorry about your job situation - more unsettledness. But, I am glad that you have another already lined up. One good thing is that you will be afforded the time to go to Hungary to see the relatives. That is wonderful that your kids can go, too! Your local family is really a blessing - that they would lend you the cash now to enjoy this experience!<P>I can not even imagine how the court day will go for you. More hurtful feelings I am thinking. I can not take any of this negative experience away from you or anyone else for that matter, but at least know that there are others out here, including me, who care about you and your childrens' happiness and we are wishing and/or praying for that very thing for you all.<P>Try to not worry too much about Monday. Really, you have done all that you can do to set the record straight and to lay the foundation for the facts and did this in the best interest of your children. You have tried to reconcile and make restitution to your W and she just won't have any part of this. She is hell-bent on following the path of HER choice wherever it may lead - even if it is into destruction. No matter what the outcome next week, you did your very best and as humans, that is all we can do. Our lives are sure to take more twists and unexpected turns before we depart this earth. Feel confident that you are strong enough to face whatever lies ahead and know in your heart that surely God will bless your life with more hapiness and love in the future.<P>I will keep you especially close in my prayers this weekend....Desiree<P><P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

NSR,<P>I had no idea. I'm so sorry you're going thru this. I wish there was something I could do. You're always so supportive and caring to all of us.<P>I'm saying lots of prayers for you for your Monday court date. I'm praying for postponment so your W has a chance to think.<P>As far as the SS money, I fully trust God will see to it the truth comes out of where that money went. It always does.<P>Lots of HUGS!<P>Jo

{{{{{{{{{{JIM}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>All of our situations here are different, but we all feel pain and sadness at one point. <P>You and your family will be in my prayers. You deserve to find happiness and I wish you the best.<P>Enjoy Europe <BR>Dana<BR>

Hi Jim<BR>I will be praying for you this weekend, this is a trying time.<P>Keep in mind you are fighting for yourself and your kids. You will survive this and be a better person. The support you have shown all of us on this entire website is irreplaceable and your true colors have really shone through. <P>Give your worries to God, let him take care of them for you and concentrate on being the best father you can be. Show your kids that <B> daggar eyes and hateful facial expressions </B> are not commonplace. A parent who tries to make themselves look better by putting the other spouse down will only lose the respect of her children.<P>Rest easy Jim, you deserve better!

Ah Jim,<P>You are an amazing man, and I have prayed often that your W would pull her head out and see what she has, if only she'd grab it!<P>I'm so sorry for all that you're going through!!<P>Take care, dear man... and I will be praying!<P>

Jim,<P>Small world...June 4 will be my 6th wedding anniversary...I am feeling resentful...<P>Everyoneone else seems to have covered the bases...Hang in there...<P>Prayers for ya...<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Jim,<BR>I have prayers going out to you. Good luck in court, if you go. This really sucks....doesn't it.<P>Nancy

Jim, You have my prayers. You have always been a tremendous support for me I hope that I can return this support for you. It is so hard to go on with our lives, but it is something we must do for our selves and for our children. You are such a good kind generous person. Your wife is the loser in this case she has no idea what she has walked out on. <P>Again you have my prayers <BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{JIM}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Jim, sometimes it's hard to believe that you're in the <BR>same boat with the rest of us. You are the rock of the group, <BR>keeping us all sane and in touch with reality. I echo the fact <BR>that you shouldn't be going through this, especially since it <BR>seems to be the most difficult situation out of all of everyone <BR>here who cares about you and appreciates your kindness and <BR>wisdom. We all know who you are and (as much as I hate to say <BR>it), your life WILL be that much more fantastic in the long run. <BR>Enjoy your trip (I'm certainly looking forward to my vacation <BR>with the girls...only two weeks away!) and as always...<P>We'll all be praying for your peace...<P>take care,<BR>theo<P>

Thank you... each and everyone of you... <P><B>Susan, Bob, K, Desiree, Jo, Dana, Goober, Sheryl, Bill, Nancy, di, theo</B>...<P>...a litany of the dearest friends I will ever have!<P>---------------------------------------------<P>I do wish I had better things to say...<BR>I did a good Plan A... last night... <BR>...showered ...shaved ...got all duded up<BR>...had all the kids clothes/stuff ready<BR>...house nice and clean<P>...when she picked up the kids...<BR>...welcomed her warmly ...genuine smiles (boy I miss her)<BR>...but in the end...<BR>...more of the <B>daggar eyes</B>... and she couldn't hold back her typical obscenity when the kids weren't close by... <P>...it's so sad to see a person you love/loved so much become so full of hate a loathing.<P>...her ill demeanor even got her to the point where she left my D's change of clothing (for the weekend) behind... I called the dance studio where D was practicing (pick up place after D's ballet)... and let her know about it... but I guess W decided not to come back for it.<P>Sunday... our 12th aniversary... will be a sad one. W is even dropping the kids off at 2PM instead of the normal 8PM...<BR>...plans with the OM do have to come first on this day too.<P>---------------------------------------------<P>I'll wake up Monday to reread all your well wishes...<BR>...it means more to me than a thousand birthday cards!<P>What I would do without all of you...<BR>...I dare not consider!<P>Your friend <P>Jim

Jim (<B>N</B>ew <B>S</B>un <B>R</B>ising),<P>So much have you been put through, and yet everytime you rise again, stronger than ever and even with surplus love & caring to give others hope, where your own is dwindling. As said so often you are a Man amongst men, a true caring person, who have been a blessing to this board. You will certainly be in my prayers as I continue to hope that you will find true happiness again, with or without your wife. You have grown, you have become strong thoughout your ordeal. There is no doubt in my mind that you will find happiness again sooner that you might even know now, and, boy, question is who the lucky girl will be <P>I'll side with <B>K</B> and would see if you (or your son) could salvage some of the missing money from his account.<P>Hopes & Prayers for you and your family,<BR> Sadman

Jim,<BR>I will say a prayer for you and your kids. I will also say a prayer for your wife. She is a very tormented soul.<BR>I believe as everyone else here that you are a good and loving man who does not deserve this horrible situation!<BR>I'll pray for a hedge of protection around you and your kids. <BR>God bless,<BR>Lisa

Jim,<P>I know how bad it feels when you try so hard to be kind and the WS just feels that anger is the only way to deal with us.<P>Every Wednesday and every other Friday my stbx gives me the obligatory "middle" finger when he is driving away. He doesn't care if the children or neighbors see it.<P>It is funny how "they" are the angry ones. While the betrayed still try....at least for the childrens sake to be the "better" person. Does it really score many brownie points with our spouses or does it make them still think that they have us wrapped around that "middle" finger?<P>So many say....don't worry Nancy, because of the way you act, the way you don't say anything negative about him in front of the children, the way you are always there for the girls.....he will reap what he sows....he will continue to lose the respect of his children. But the sad part is...I don't want him to lose his childrens respect...I want him to be there for them...be a dad.<P>I think for the most part I am over all of this....almost breathing a sigh of relief that our court date is only 2 months away.<P>But I have to admit...once and for all that I am scared to death. I don't know if I can afford to make it financially. I have never been a money person, but I do have 2 children that I am fighting to keep and I am afraid that I will not be able to do the things for them that their "wealthy" father can.<P>I too have been faced with the money disappearing.(1999) He forged our state tax check last year. Nothing happened to him. The state reimbursed me my "share" but did nothing to him...although forgery is a felony. The federal tax check was automatically put into our savings account....an account that had my name on it but I could not withdraw from because STBX never turned in the signature card with my name on it. For 9 years I thought I was on the account only to realize when he left 4-99 that I had no access to the account. Of course why was I trying...the 3,000.00 tax check had already been withdrawn by him 3 week before he moved out. I will never see that money. He also received a severance check of about 28,000.00 in October of 98. I have no idea where that money went. I am broke....he is living high on the hog. Heck his new apartment is 900 Sq FT and it is only a one bedroom.<P>Everything he does is for "him"<P>When the girls come back after a couple hours with him...no dinner because he says he can't afford to feed them...it hurts me so bad....but the girls just seem to look at it as just the way dad is....not for what it really is. I do become "bitter" knowing that I am the one getting dinner ready for them after 7 pm when their dad races off to his "happy" new lifestyle. I do feel some resentment when I am the one that is constantly kissing away their tears after their father loses his temper and takes out his anger on the girls. I feel sick to my stomach when he drives up the driveway....15 minutes late with his horn blowing and seeing the fear in the girls eyes....all of us knowing that he is in "one" of those moods. I feel frustrated that "I" can't do anything to stop his actions and words that cut so deep throught the girls heart and soul.<P>I pray everyday...for this to stop. I pray everyday that he just stops doing all of this. But I have come to the conclusion that my stbx could walk through a plate glass window and come out without a scratch. And I have come to the conclusion that God must have bigger things to deal with because nothing has changed.<P>Nancy<P>My anniversary is June 11th too, Roll Me Away.

Jim,<P>Keep the faith, you will have a better life. <BR>Your kids will have a better understanding of how hard life can be sometimes, and noone says life is fair.<P>thl<BR>

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{<B>JIM</B>}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P><B>CHIN UP, MAN</B><P>Everything, <B>EVERYTHING</B> will be just fine... you'll see.<P>It is time now to stop looking back (except to remember the good times) and focus into the future. Re: Money- your son will understand if he doesn't already.<P>Prayers your way... always.<P>Alex<P>------------------<BR><B>Live fully and always learn</B>

Jim,<P>I am sorry about your situation. I too sign my final papers this next week. I am relieved it has finally come. I don't even think or see my ex as a potential partner any more. He is just the father of my kids and pretty much a stranger to me. <P>We sound like we are leaving for Europe about the same time. I am going for 3 1/2 weeks to Spain, London, Paris. Maybe travel will distract us from feeling down about the divorce. Mine has been so long in happening that it seems anticlimatic. <P>Take care and be happy!