Goodnight Gina-BG,have a good day tomorrow.<P> Mitz,(oops-HG),<BR> I don't understand this"controlling"thing.My stbx accused me of that(maybe just another excuse?).But if I let her have her way,I felt she walked on me.If I tried to wear the pants in the family,sort of speak,and make some decisions,I was called controlling.Seems like a real broad term.What do you think?<P> --Murph<p>[This message has been edited by Murphy (edited June 12, 2000).]

Well,HG must be on the phone again!<BR> I'm going to hit the sack.Big day tomorrow.<BR>Catch you later......... <P> --Murph

Mitzi,<P>You are brave. I wouldn't know how to live with someone so out of control. I had a very good marriage, just no sexual energy, respect or help. He was great if it was a project, but he hated to day to day stuff and never did dishes, laundry or cooking.<P>I have figured out that next time will be different. <P>I am gimping around a bit. Crutches are a challenge. My kids have been retreiving things for me. I have a bad case of insomnia and decided to come here, mmmmm now what?<P>G

Relationships are so dynamic. Behind every "controlling" person, is another one who has a hard time saying what they want and sticking to it. I considered my ex to be very controlling, however, I also have to take some of the responsibility for not summoning the courage to really stick to my guns on some things. Over time, his behavior was reinforced. <P>My ex was one of those men who do housework, cook, clean, you name it. We did everything together. I was the one who took him for granted in some ways. We both took each other for granted. The reason our marriage fell apart was dishonesty. For whatever reason, I could not talk to him about my feelings. He would either get mad or tell me it was all in my head. After awhile, I just shut up. Then when the "stuff" hit the fan, he just didn't feel like working on our relationship problems. I guess he thought most of our problems were my fault anyway, and that finding someone new would make things easier for him. The last time I talked to him, it sounded like he was just starting to figure out his contribution to things. Ya know, that is his pattern. He can't work on himself WITHIN a relationship. Too embarrassing I guess.

Murph,<BR>No, I wasn't on the phone! LOL I actually fell asleep.<P>About being controlling...it depends on what the real issues were. My H complained about everything I did. Eventually I alienated myself from family and friends because HE didn't want to do things with them. And if he wanted money to go drink on, he always got it. I might argue with him for a while but he ALWAYS got his way with everything. It was just so much easier to give in than argue. Plus it made life more peaceful.<BR>Have a good day! <P>Gerri,<BR>It's not a bravery thing. It's called stupidity now that I'm away from him. I put myself in a really bad situation and my kids saw way too much. In the end, they were the ones who were hurt the most. That hurts me more than any of the abuse H could dish out. In my case, divorce is the best thing for me and the boys.<P>HG<BR>

Good Monday Morning Everyone!<P>Well, I take a weekend off and look how this thing grew (again) !<P>I got my Birthday present this weekend.... (a month and a half early ).... New Golf Clubs!! <P>Speaking of domestic help... I've been thinking of hiring a Hunky Young Stud to do yard/house work. I'm thinking mid 20's to early 30's, 6'2", lt. brown hair, green eyes, muscular, tan & willing!! (willing to work that is )<P>*sigh* Well, gotta get back to work... so I can afford my Domestic God! (I'm goal oriented)<P>I'll check back this afternoon....<BR>Butterfly<P>

Hey Butterfly!<P>I think Murph is volunteering to do yard/house work for us single ladies! LOL LOL <P>I'm glad you got something you wanted for your birthday! <P>Come and hang out later!<P>Mitzi...Domestic Goddess! LOL

All the talk about Domestic Gods/Godesses reminded me of a plack my sister gave me for Christmas a couple of years ago.....<P><B>"The only thing domestic about me is... I live indoors!!"</B><P>It made me smile today! I can't wait, she and her H will be here on Wednesday!! Yea!!<P>I'll come and hang out later....

Butterfly,<P>I need a plaque like that!!! LOL<P>Mine is just a nickname Murph gave me. If he only knew!! LOL Oops, maybe I just told my secret! (I hate housework! LOL)<P>See ya later!<BR>Mitzi HG

Mitz-HG,<BR> Fell asleep? Uh,Huh,right! You expect me to buy that? <BR> Sounds like Butterfly just described me,(well,except for the age,hair,tan,willingness to work...)And here I've been trying to get Lora over to work on my yard.<BR> Well,I just stopped by;taking the dog down to the beach while the sun is out.<BR> You coming,Mitz?It's just over the hill!<BR> Catch you later,(the After-Dinner Club).<P> --Murph~~~Domestic God

Hey, whats going on here? Murphy is trying to con me into doing his yard work and now I see he's volunteering to do everyone elses? Now I am really not going to be there on thursday Murph. <BR>Lora

Hey Domestic God and H Godess,<P>What is happening?????<P>I hung at the pool today.... .....LOL<P>I really need to stop that......but gee,I am getting such a good tan! <P>Hey Murph,did you get to the beach w/you pooch???<P>Gina <P>------------------<BR>"If we deny love that is given to us,if we refuse to give love because we fear pain or loss,then our lives will be empty,our loss greater!"-----Anonymous----

Gina,<BR> Hung out at the pool all day,huh? Some of us have to go to work,and bust our a$$,(when I find out who,I'll let you know) <BR> The beach was nice.It's supposed to start clearing up this week,maybe even get into the balmy 70's.Break out the A/C's.So,did you see any hunka-burning love's at the pool?<P> Lora,<BR> No,I never volunteered to do any yardwork,Mitz's just trying to pull a fast one.Although I thought if I could get The Student over to do some drywall work,I'd exchange that for one of my famous Danish massages,(I think she's ignoring me.....women!)Well,it was a lot nicer out today than yesterday,right?I hope this weekend will be nice.We'll see,(I'll leave the mower out by the woodshed,it's all gassed up).<P> --Murph<P>

Hey Murph!<P>I did fall asleep! If I had been on the phone I would have told you! LOL <BR>No fair, I have to drive 3 hours to get to a beach!!! I bet it was great though!<P>I just got in from work. They wanted me to work 14 hours tomorrow (9am-11pm) I politely lied and told them I didn't have anyone to watch the boys! LOL I don't want to go in until 3. <P>Anyone still around??<P>Head Goddess

Hey look who finally showed up!Yeah,I understand that falling asleep thing,I did it at work today(the boss says I work so hard,he doesn't mind).<BR> No,I wouldn't want to work those hours,either.Eight is enough.<BR> Three hours to get to the beach?What town are you in?It doesn't look that far on the map.<P> --Murph

Hey! You're still up!<P>I live in a small town called Keyser. (pronounced Kiser). It's in the eastern part of the state. We have to manuever through the mountains a little to get to the beach! LOL<P>If I was single with no kids, I wouldn't mind working those hours. But if I did it, the kids would stay with my parents tonight and I wouldn't see them until about 11:30 tomorrow night. And that's only if they were still awake. I didn't need the overtime either.<P>You know you were volunteering to do yard work! Don't try to back out of it now! LOL LOL<P>HG

DG,<BR> I found it on the map!Pretty small town?It looks like you have to wind around to get to the coast.These time zones are strange.It's 1AM where you're at,but only 10PM here,and 12AM at Gina's place.She probably crashed.<BR> I need to put tacks in my large wall map so I can see where everybody's at(just like the cops do). <P> --Murph

Yeah it's a small town. But I was born and raised here and most of my family is here. It's nice to raise kids in.<P>So, now instead of Yardworker Murph, we can call you Detective Murph! I just checked out Lora's post about the rain in Washington. I didn't realize there were so many MB'ers in that area. Heartache and I have become good friends and I'm trying to plan on how I can visit before the end of summer. She sent me pix of Mt St Helens. It's beautiful there. <P>Yep, it's after 1am here. But I'm a night owl and don't need a lot of sleep. I think I got about 7 hours all weekend. I've had a touch of insomnia since H left in December and now my body's just gotten used to the lack of sleep.<P>HG

Sounds like a nice town.This area never was this crowded when I was growing up,either.People always said it rained too much here.Now this seems to be the in-place to live.A cup of coffee was a cup of coffee 20 years ago.Now you can spend 4 bucks on a cup of designer coffee.<BR> That sleep thing happened to me,too,after W moved out.I get 5-6 hours of sleep,then can't sleep anymore,the nightmares don't help,either.<BR> Mt.St.Helens is a neat place to visit.You'd like it.<P> YardWork Murph

I think in the beginning I refused to sleep because of the nightmares. Now when I do get more than a few hours sleep, I don't have nightmares. I've had dreams but nothing horrible. <P>Me and H did work out an agreement today. Well, a tentative one. I'm supposed to talk to him tomorrow to go into detail. I'll be so glad when it is over. <P>HG<P>I take it you didn't like Det. Murph?? LOL LOL