I feel physically ill. I think I could actually cause her physical harm right now. I just shaking I'm so angry. None of my sounding boards are around today.<P>I just don't get it. Why would she take the kids, if she had to work?<P>I called her and she gave a bunch of excuses, they are with her and she can do what is best for them, she doesn't like it when I leave them alone when I go to work. She has never volunteered to watch them till she goes to work. She accused me of trying to control her and said I can't say anything about what she does when she has the children.<P>And the sticker is, she is right. I can't do a damn thing legally. I guess I could just go and get them, but what would that solve? That would just escalate things and everytime I wasn't around she would go get them.<P>I guess the good point is that they are with an adult, even though it is someone I don't know and it is om's mother.<P><BR>Ahh, what a freakin mess!

(((((((Bob))))))),<P>I am soo sorry. I will be in your shoes soon and it makes me want to die, puke, maim, etc....I am praying for you right now.<BR>Kris

((Bob))<P>Everyone here can sympathize!!! I would be upset too. Try and hold yourself together even though I know it's very hard. You will get through this just like you have every other insult your W & OM have hurled your way. I don't think they even realize how insulting their behavior is. You will get through this!!!<P><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

<B>(((((Bob))))</B><P>I am so sorry that you have to go through all of this mess!.......You are such a good guy and don't deserve this!<P>Hang on......My prayers along w/everyone else here are w/you.<P>You are strong and you will get through this.<P>Gina <P>

It's tough. My kids tell me that they have extra grandparents now (the OW's parents are divorced). My X and the OW are living together with no plans on marrying (yet) and are expecting their first child. <P>Yes, I get angry when they refer to her parents as grandma and grandpa. I understand your rage first hand. <P>When we were going through our divorce, he lived in a one bedroom apartment with the OW and the kids would sleep in the same room with him and the OW. When I discovered this, I wanted to smash in all of her car windows (she just loves her stupid Mustang). <P>My attorney said that I could get a court order prohibiting my H from having the kids for overnight visits as long as the OW was there, but it would be near to impossible to enforce. <P>Hang in there. One hard lesson I learned from my divorce, is that sometimes you have to pick your battles, even though you know in your heart that you're right. <P>Good luck and keep writing.

I am sorry, RWD -<P>I can only imagine what you are feeling.<P>You are right, there is nothing to gain by butting heads with her over it....<P>Perhaps, wait and see what the children have to say about the experience...maybe they will take care of the problem themselves.......<P>BIG HUGS,<P>Sheba

Bob,<P>You know you have my prayers on this one...<P>Do document this...<BR>...and if it becomes recurrent... get a change in the visitation policy!<P>Praying... praying... praying...<BR>my brother... <P>Jim

Well, I didn't kill her.<P>I still don't understand what she is doing. She brought the kids home after taking them shopping after she got off work. She droppped them off at 7:00. She had said she would take them to their games, but she just left so I took them, not that it was a big deal since I was going anyway, but she had a made a big deal that she was taking them.<P>ANd the shopping trip that was so necessary? She had to buy my Fathers Day gift from them for me. Lets see, she was to take the kids WEd nite, but neither one went. She had all day Thurs, but son had a friend over at her place and d didn't go till after 8:00 and then she worked today and had om's mother watch the kids. What is up with that?<P>I asked my s if he was uncomfortable with om's mother and he said he didn't even speak to her and she stayed in her room(actually d's room)and she slept with her brother on sleeper sofa. I haven't talked to d yet.<P>My s also said he would never go to either of our weddings. I'm not sure why he brought that up. Maybe om and x are getting married soon. <P>So at the games tonite, x stayed at s's game except for 5 min when she watched d's game. I floated back and forth. Then she left before s's game was over and never said goodnite/bye to either kid. Whats up with that.<P>I don't know if she is coming to soccer tommorrow or not. It will probably be too hot for her since she has to go to work.<P>With all this crap she has pulled, I have decided, if she wanst to ruin her relationship with the kids, then I will let her. I will no longer tell the kids to call her and told my son if he is uncomfortabel around om or his mother and wants to come home, to call and I will come and get him if I can.<P>I think the only reason she had om's mother watch the kids was to continue to look for acceptance of her relationship. Pretty much no one is among our/her old friends. And she is not out going enough to make any new ones outside of work. So she has to get the kids to accept the relationship by first forcing om down their throats and now om's mother.<P>I'm getting angry again just thinking about it.

Bob,<BR> I think you hit the nail on the head about leaving your kids with OM's mother.She's trying to break them in with his family,it seems.Why else would she do that?I believe it's just another infidelity ploy that we didn't know about(must be in the manual).<BR> After my stbx totally trashed me to her family for about three days,she then casually mentioned her affair,as if it were an afterthought.They didn't know(like we do),the affair comes first,then the accusations,and justifications.<BR> It was only a few weeks after she moved out that she then slowly introduced BT(BoyToy)to members of her family.You see,it's a gradual thing.He's probably completely replaced me by now.The one good thing is,now he can help them move,work on their cars,houses,listen to their BS,etc. <BR> I feel for you.It hurts like H*ll.But you have to wonder what OM's mother thinks of her son's behavior.Do she think it's all justified?The best thing you can do is stay close to your kids.Take care.<P> --Murph

Hey, I am thinking about you....<P>My H O/W is moving to a different state and now he is going to try to buy her condo...does he not realise the kids don't want anything to do with any thing she has or had. My H now has a new O/W that is helping him to get over his first O/W. Is this sick or what....? Surely I am not the looney one here!<P>It seems they do not know what is appropriate behavior anymore...what is right and wrong....<P>I wonder what my H would do, if and when our d's get married and their H (heaven forbid) did this to them? Would he finally feel the pain, the betrayal? I don't know.<P>Unfortunately we will be dealling with our XS as long as we have kids. I just went through D's high school graduation....it was hard having a BBQ with his family and mine together....H was in hospital with emergency eye surgery so he missed it.<P>I did not mean to vent on your thread....<P>This is all $hit....I wish it wasn't, all we can do now is make the future better!

Bob,<P>Don't try to figure this out. It will only drive you insane. You really don't want to be where I am now. Coo coo for cocoa puffs.<P>I went thru the same thing in the first D. You can't win and can't lose. Know what I mean?<P>Unfortunately some things are beyond our control. It seems that no one, but, Him care about what's right and wrong.<P>You have proven that you are a good man. I only wish the best for you.<P>Best wishes and prayers coming your way.<P>Tim

Well, x didn't show at s's soccer tournament Sat, which they won!. In fact I don't even know if she has talked to him since Fri evening. She called a couple times yesterday while we were gone.<P>I did have a nice suprise though. While at the soccer game my cell rang and I figured it was d. Here it was the woman I went out with last weekend. She called to tell me didn't go out of town afterall. So I said maybe we could get together and she said great. So we ended up going out last nite!!!<P>Meanwhile back to insanity. My d told me that x wanted her to stop at her house after church. So I mustered up my courage and dropped her off and was prepared to wait, but d said she would have x drop her off when she went to work. So s and I went home. About 15 mins d came home. That was at 12:30, x doesn't go to work till 2:30 so so much for spending time with her when she won't see them for a week...<P>I did have a coversation with d today(that is a minor miracle in itself) and she confirmed what I have been thinking. That is x is desparate to have her relationship recognized by someone. That must be the true reason she had om's mother watch the kids. She wanst the kids to accept it.<P>The reason I think this is that my d parroted back to me the same thing my x told me, how people in our church are mean to her(reason she hasn't gone back to church), and thaat people are so judgemental. My d brought back the examples of people's lives (child borne out of wedlock, woman lived with man prior to marriage, that my x had told me. So she is now trying to "brainwash" d that what she is doing is okay.<P>I careful explained both of the situation were not hypocritical in that the woman was now married, and not pumping out babies out of wedlock to numerous men. Also that the woman had not lived with her second husban prior to marriage and that it was none of our business anyway as it did not effect us. I told her that parents have every right to be judgemental when it coomes to their children. I then tried to explain to her that most people don't respect two unmarried people living together and don't want their kids exposed to that. I then told her that in our case both her mother and om were still married to other people. D said but you were separated, I said yes but we were still legally married and most people do not accept that.<P>I left out the part about how most people also really frown upon the woman leaving her kids. I tried not to bury their mother, but I will not allow her to justify inmoral things to our d.<P>I wonder if she will start bad mouthing me now. I don't think that will get her anywhere because everyone nows I such a "nice guy."