runrr,<BR>I picked up the piece on NPR about celibacy over the internet. What I found interesting is that the woman who wrote the book they discuss is in a similar situation as some of the people on this forum. Divorced with children. She mentioned that she had been celibate now for about 6 years. <P>Anyway, I thought about picking up her book. So far, celibacy has been a very good choice for me.

[censored] -<P>This has been such a good thread. A lot of wonderful, healing stuff has been said here.<BR>I'm sending this post just to make it flame in hopes that someone who may not have checked it out already might find it and be helped.<P>Thanks for initiating it!<P> - Cinderella<P><BR>

Cinderella<P>Thanks for the kind words and for 'flaming' this thread.<P>By the way...how do you 'flame' a thread or response?<P>[censored] from Texas

Hi [censored],<P>It occurs when there is a certain number of responses. I believe it is 20. Yes, it is a very good thread.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

[censored],<P>Very uplifting thread, thanks for sharing and commenting !!

JL & Izzy<P>Thanks for the kind words. I have been down on myself lately and just this morning as I was praying with my fiance, she reminded me of the lives I have been able to touch here on Marriage Builders.<P>I want to continue to encourage those here on MB (most if not all here are suffering from loss and rejection); that God delights in taking what was once broken and making it whole again.<P>It is out of our brokenesss and pain that we are able to minister to others.<P>While the world stresses "strength"...God says it is only through our "weakness" that His strength is made perfect. I am learning that I must be 'weak' in myself but 'strong' in Jesus.<P>Even the great Apostle Paul wrote that "He gloried in his weakness so that God's strength in him might be perfected".<P>I don't care how many times you fail or I fail....God never gives up on us. He believes in us more than we believe in ourselves.<P>I failed as both a husband and father, yet God is giving me a second chance. Our future does not have to be based on our past!<P>Here is something I confess quite often: "I am not the man I SHOULD be, I am not the man I WILL be; but thank you Lord....I am not the man I USED to be".<P>Remember, Satan wants you to look at how far you have to go, but the Lord wants to show you and I how far we've come. Example: if you are on a 6,000 mile journey, Satan will say..."look, why not give up and quit; you still have 4,000 more miles to go".<P>However, the Lord would say: "Look how far you've come...you've come 2,000 miles".<P>We are all to some degree "Performance Oriented". In other words, we tend to find our worth/value in WHAT we do rather than in WHO we are.<P>"Legalistic Religion" is man's concept of God's expectations. However, the Lord has no expectations of us except to simply receive His Unconditional Love through His Son, Jesus Christ.<P>I am learning the answer is not 'self-effort' and 'behavior modification' (this is no more than secular humanism). We can not change ourselves...only God can change us!<P>There is life after divorce, I am learning this first hand (this month would have been our 34th Anniversary....divorced in March of this year).<P>Each day is a new adventure, a One Act Play with some ending sad, others happy while still others end "to be continued". <P>To everything under the sun there is a time, season and purpose. Remember, the God of the <BR>Mountain Top is also the God of the Valleys; the God of the Day is also the God of the night and the God of the Good Times is also the God of the Bad Times.<P>Just know this....no matter how hopeless it may look today....tomorrow will bring new and revived hope! This too shall pass!<P>May I share one of my favorite verses with you? It is the last verse in Psalms 27. David writes: "What, what would have become of me if I had not believed to have seen the goodness of God in the land of the living?"<P>[censored] from Texas

Hey [censored], you are a great man<BR>would appreciate your comments very much,<BR>(I'm a man)<BR>Last week my wife told me she did not wanted to be<BR>with me anymore. we married a year and a half ago<BR>(after 3 years being together) and we came to US a<BR>year ago to star a new life. like 6 months later he<BR>decided to be alone. (there is no other person). she<BR>said I did not do enough for the relation (she says<BR>she did almost everything), that there wasn't<BR>communication, and that when I tried to change it was<BR>too late. I'm doing an MBA in the US. I feel this is<BR>kind of unfair. she was not able to make me realize<BR>how the whole thing was affecting her (also I did not<BR>figure it out) and was not able to help me change. I<BR>tried to convince her but nothing. She decided to be<BR>alone and think. <BR>I have accepted my mistakes and responsibility.<BR>The last 2 months in the US before going to our<BR>country to visit our family was painful. Since she<BR>decided to be along we lived in our house but she<BR>acted as if we were not together (came late, did not<BR>use ring, cold, etc). Then I went to our country 2<BR>weeks before her and when she arrived mantained her<BR>position. So I told her I will leave her alone for 1<BR>month aprox. I called her after that time and she said<BR>she still wants to be alone, it's over <BR>she says. <BR>We talked yesterday and she does not want to try. we<BR>have not talked about councelling.<BR>why she does not want to try it together? It is<BR>difficult to understand. I can't just say: ok, let's<BR>move on. what can I do?<BR>Should I continue to try????<BR>Why if she knew how I was when we marry, she does not<BR>accept me as I am now? I think that their reasons are<BR>not enough to me. I belive that marriage implies a big<BR>commitment. to step over even worst situations.<BR>How can I find hope and do things just for myself. It<BR>is so difficult to not share everything that yuo do,<BR>even small things. I feel SO empty. It is possible to<BR>find someone else and find real and extraordinary love<BR>again?<BR>There is not someone else (we are honest) and when I said if she wanted divorce she told me: "that's sounds hard, but, if YOU want that..."<BR>this can give me hope?<BR>thanks a lot<BR>AB<P>

Thank you [censored], you put into words what I've been feeling the past few months.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR><P>May the roads rise to meet you,<BR>May the winds always be at your back,<BR>May the sun shine warm upon your face,<BR>The rains fall soft upon your fields,<BR>And until we meet again,<BR>May god hold you<BR>In the hollow of his hand.

AB - sorry to take so long to address your concerns and hurts. The first thing I did when my marriage fell apart was to start praying. The next thing was to get to a counselor. Hopefully, your wife will agree to go. It may be that you need individual counselors and a joint counselor. It may be that one person can work with both of you separately and together - although that is fairly rare. No matter what that arrangement is, you probably need someone to talk with and to help you see clearly. If your wife won't go, you go anyway. One way or another you have a problem that needs to be worked on and it won't get better if you sit around and wait.

I really have nothing new to add today. This post is simply to move this thread up higher on the index. There is so much good stuff here, I wanted it to be easier for folks to find.<BR>

Cinderella<P>I appreciate you taking this to the top and for your kind remarks as you have posted.<P>Guess we are all 'damaged goods' in the process of coming to wholeness and completeness.<P>Unfortunately, the process is slower than we'd like. I have had to realize there are very few, if any 'quick fixes' in life. <P>Just want to encourage you and all others reading this...."His Mercy and Compassion is FRESH every morning....Great is His faithfulness".<P>With the dawning of each new day, the curtain rises on another 1 Act play that will end sad, happy or perhaps "to be continued".<P>As I mentioned in my first response to you, "I pray your coach doesn't turn into a pumpkin and that your Prince Charming will come along to fit you with the glass slipper"<P>[censored] from Texas