I haven't been back on in a couple of days as I've been dealing with all sorts of crap from ex. <P>I have been finding out all sorts of stuff my ex keeps pulling with the kids. Apparently, ex spent almost no time with the children and left them with ow a lot of the time. She is not allowed to babysit the kids or be driving them around. He has bad mouthed me when he was with them. But the one that floored me was he left my 3 yr. old and my 9yr. old with an 11 yr. old as babysitter!! This 11 yr. old is ow's daughter. I am so angry I could spit nails!! What business does this man have leaving a young child in the care of an 11 year old?<P>I've talked to several people about this and they think I should go back to court and have some things changed as obviously this man cannot make good decisions concerning his children. I am scared to death for my children to even be with him overnight now. Who will be babysitting next time? <P>Sorry for the vent. Do you think it would be worth my time to try and change some things with his visitation?

I firmly believe in your right to protect the kids!<P>The 11 year old may be qualified...<BR>...but it is very unlikely!<P>I'd say... ask your attorney!<BR>And if at all possible...<BR>...get a clarification of the visitation... and what you are to do if your H isn't following the guidelines.<P>Do try and document all of this...<BR>...courts tend to require as much documentation as you can give them!<P> <P>Jim

Hi Jim,<P>I am planning on going to see my attorney tomorrow and I have been documenting everything. Hopefully, I will find out for sure what I can do since my ex follows no rules. And I thought it would cool down after the divorce. Boy, was I mistaken! Thanks for the support!<P>Tulip

{{{TULIP}}}<P>I forget, are you divorced yet? Or just seperated? <P>My kids spend time with the OW too. She does babysit them often. I'm ok with it now, but I wasn't in the beginning. I recently started taking some time back from them as I do believe that above all, the children belong with their non custodial parent on those visits, not some....other woman. Thats his right to see the kids, if he doesn't use it, then take it back.<P>I don't know that you can. I don't know that you can state that they can't be in the car with someone, or any of that, I know it hurts. My ex used to bad mouth me too.<P>I fought it constantly. The visits, the whole thing. I eventually had no choice but to accept it and deal with it. I dont' care for the OW at all, and I wish ex would get a new girlfriend, but in the meantime the fighting is not healthy for the kids.<P>Keep us posted , good luck with attorney,Dana<BR>

Oh boy, this is a tough one. First off, I want you to know that I agree with you. Visitation should be for the parents, not a girlfriend and not a step mom. Bad mouthing a parent hurts the kids. BUT, I also know that depending on the Judge, it may get you know where taking him back to court. When my ex was exercising his visitation (he no longer does), he not only left our kids with his girlfriend most of the time, but instead of taking them to their daycare a mile from his home he left our 5 yr. old daughter and 9 yr. old son with a stoned 18 yr. old boy in an effort to upset me. I called my attorney crying, wanting to remove the kids from his home and was told that I would be interfering with visitation and the Judge would punish me! His girlfriend would tell our daughter some awful things. For instance, right after our huge custody battle that he lost at big time, his girlfriend told our daughter (then 5) that daddy couldn't see her much because she was a liar and because she was a liar everyone in their home hated her. If the ncp is a sick person or involved with a sick person (like my ex) visitation with them can cause you extreme heartache. I've tried fighting it and it didn't work. The only saving grace that I have had is that his girlfriend doesn't want him to have a past life before her (siblings, parents and his kids) so he hardly sees them anymore. I also have the full support of HIS family. It got better with time for me, I hope that happens for you.

Hi Dana,<P>Fortunately, in my divorce papers I have the final say so regarding anything the children do. This includes who is watching them, etc. <P>I agree totally that the time spent with the NCP should be for them and not someone else. My ex only has them for four days a month as it is. Of course, he gets them for a couple of weeks in the summer too. You would think that he would want to spent quality time with his children. I have come to believe that the kids are "cramping his style". <P>I realize that I can't stop ow from being around, and that I can handle as long as the kids are taken care of. I just can't imagine what he was thinking by leaving a young child in the care of this other 11 year old child. Not to mention, this so-called 11 year old tells her Mom to shut up and calls her names. My older child has come home using some of the nasty words this girl uses. And this is babysitter material? I guess I will never understand what goes through my ex's mind.<P>Thanks for the support! I don't know what I'd do somedays without you guys. Take care.<P>BonnieSept,<P>I can only hope that my ex will stop wanting to see the kids too. I'm beginning to wonder if he doesn't exercise his visitation only to cause me heartache. <P>I can definitely understand your situation with the stoned 18 year old. Although, I can't imagine that that would be interfering with his visitation. The laws are so screwed up. I have certainly found that out the hard way.<P>Someone recently told me that until they remove their head from the op's a$$ they won't see the heartache they've caused. I believe this will probably be the case in my ex's situation. <P>I'm so glad things have gotten better for you. I hope it continues to get even better.<BR>Thanks for your reply and take care.<P>Tulip