It has been a loooooooonnnnnnngggg time since I have posted, or even read any other messages. But after what has transpired this past weekend, I need to vent...<P>Mitzi - if you're out there please respond<P>My marriage has been up and down for the past four years - or is it five now? - I honestly don't remember. H has been having an affair, whether EA lately or PA I don't know and no longer care.<P>Here's my update:<P>This past Thurs my H goes golfing, as usual. Doesn't come home right away, as usual. <B>But</B> then I get a phone call at 1:00 am.........................<BR>"I'm in trouble. I went to see 'bimbo' at her friend's house where I was supposed to meet her. She didn't come back to pick up her daughter and so I went to her other 'friend's' house to see if she was there. I knocked on the door and he answered so I asked him if 'bimbo' was there. He said, "I don't know." so I went in and found her in the bedroom nude. I wanted to talk to her and started to close the door but this other guy slammed into me with the door - it wasn't my fault, honest. Well anyway we went out to my truck because I just wanted to get 'bimbo' back to her daughter, then this guy starts hitting my truck with a piece of rebar and then starts hitting me. I called 911 and then I followed them to another house. When the police got there they ended up arresting him and then they arrested me for residential burglary. I'm standing here is handcuffs and you <B>have to</B> come and get my truck."<P>Sorry, had to go for a minute. Anyway.......<BR>I did go get the truck. I had to wake my older son to tell him where I was going and then wake up my parents so that someone could drive my car back home. One of the officers that I had talked with on the phone after I got the message from my H said she couldn't believe that I wouldn't just let the thing be impounded.......maybe I should have but that would have cost $$ that I couldn't afford and I know my stbx won't be able to afford it either now.<P><B>Then</B>, after getting back home at about 2:30 am and trying to will myself to go to sleep.....phone rings again. My H calling from lockup. "Are you coming to get me?" <B>What?????</B> I told him I'd call his Mom to come and bail him out......no, no, no. I don't want my Mom involved. You have to come get me or I'll lose my job. <B>Hello!!! You got yourself into this buddy</B> I though to myself. But, after I thought about it, his Mom's had open heart surgery and isn't that strong.......so.......I went to bail him out, again. (I don't mean from jail, that's something that I've never even been involved with in any way, shape or form.) <P>So, I went and bailed him out. None of his credit cards had enough $$ so guess who gets to put her's up for bail? That's right, little wifey. Guess where H goes after I bail him out? That's right.......bimbo - he has to see if the statement she made to police is what she really said - that she didn't want him to come in to the house where she had been shacking up with the other guy. (what a winner she is, let me tell you)<P>Since then I have seen him once. He already found out in the car ride home that he is no longer welcome at my home. He has his work things here but he must let me know before he comes - he no longer has a key. He has cut the final thread that I felt was holding me in this marriage. I am done. I don't know where he is staying - because 'bimbo' doesn't have her own place. Maybe he is staying in a hotel, I don't know, he is that stupid to spend $$ he doesn't have. And you know what? I don't care.<P>I have not cried over this once. The only time I have cried is when my friends have called to give me their support and when his sister came over to tell me that she loves me and that he is a stupid *&$%#@*&@(. <P>Okay, I'm done. I will just get on with the life that I should have gotten on with four or five years ago. What a waste of time and effort. The thing that bothers me the most is how my kids have suffered through all this. They know....they see. I hate to think that they will think this is the way a marriage is supposed to be. It's not. We had a wonderful relationship and marriage until then. I don't know what happened. I used to want to know why. I don't care anymore why it happened. I need to carry on with <B>my</B> life now. <P>AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Sorry to shout, just need it right now. I'm here if anyone wishes to respond.<P><p>[This message has been edited by RCoaster (edited August 14, 2000).]

I can't believe that no one is here tonight! Come on, where are you? I know you're out there! Or, is that you're all so blown out of the water by my update that you don't know what to say?<P>I will check back later........come on, you know you want to respond to this real-life soap opera.

All I can say is wow!<BR>It seems our BB is starting to die out as there doesn't seem to be as many responses as there used to be. I guess that means people are getting on with their lives and don't need to come here as much.<P>It sounds like you may have followed PLan A the best I have ever heard of. To think you saved his a&& from the slammer and his truck from the impound and the first thing he does is go look for other woman, geesh! Is it too late to repeal the bond and have hime and truck reimpounded.<P>Hang in there and God Bless,<P>Bob

Claire,<P>You have mail!!! I emailed you before reading this.<P>WOW!!! I don't know what to say! Nothing like that happened here! LOL <P>Seriously though, I'm glad you are doing ok with this. I know it's not the easiest thing but it will get easier. Expect to have some down days but they will get fewer and farther between. This is coming from someone who doubted anyone who told me it would get easier! LOL <P>Just keep on keepin' on!<BR>(((((HUGS)))))<BR>Mitzi

Hey, thanks for responding.<P>RWD - Community Property - already enough damage without it going to OW right away. The re-impounding will happen later to him when he has to live with her again and without me and the kids. (or is that re-imploding?)<P>Mitzi - thanks so much for always being there for me, even if it is long between emails. I don't have to feel scared that he will read my venting to ya'll. I don't care and anything that he might happen to say doesn't mean the least. I will be free. <P>An interesting thing happened the other day after one of our friends called me to see how I was doing. We were talking about my H saying that he didn't have to tell anyone about what happened because he knew that I would start rumors anyway.....that's what <B>I</B> like to do......so he says. Our friend said that he had heard that H was still seeing 'bimbo' and H automatically said Oh, what did W (me) tell you? Our friend - my friend - responds, "She didn't tell me anything, I've never heard her say anything relating to you and 'bimbo' except that she wished you and 'bimbo' would stay away from each other. I heard that you were still seeing 'bimbo' from a friend of her sister's.<P>I wish I had been there to see my H's face. He wishes to think the worst of me and tries to fit it into his own plans. Won't work. I'm way too good for this.<P>Hey, Mitzi - Seattle is <B>really</B> lovely this time of year!!!! My vacation starts in two weeks.......<B>I am NOT painting my house, inside or out, this year. Two years of vacations spent that way are enough!</B> I will be golfing, golfing, golfing, enrolling kids in school, and, oh, golfing!!<BR>YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!<BR>

RC, <P>Wow! Sounds like you have been through a lot lately. Perhaps this is the closure you needed to this for all these years. <P>Dr. H says in his book that one of the reasons for trying to save our marriages is that we must get to a point where we know we have done all we could, and could then leave the marriage without any regrets. Maybe that is where you are now. <P>I know I had to go through my two yrs of h*** before I could say, ok, I have had enough. My friends were all supportive, but I know some of them thought, "how could she let this continue? Why doesn't she tell him to buzz of??" <BR>I needed to do it for me. I had to be able to go without regrets. <BR>Keep posting, RC, we can all help each other through this. <P>------------------<BR>Susan

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{CLAIRE}}}}}}}}}}}<P>so sorry to hear about this. Its so sad. Thats why I can't see spending much more than a few years on saving the marraige thing. Thats only me though, I gave up a lot sooner due to lack of will power to fight it.<P>Email me at DanaBfromMB@yahoo.com anytime. I am going to be in and out of town for the next week and may not be around to respond.<P>Hugs and prayers, Dana<P>

RCoaster,<BR>Claire is my d's name!<BR>Bob

sue -<P>absolutely right. I needed to this for me, to make sure that no stone was left unturned - by <B>my</B> definition. It has been h*ll. The one thing that I regret is that I'm not sure it was done in the best interest of my children. What have they learned? Would it have been better to tell him to 'kiss this' and tried to stay friends with him? Right now I sure don't feel like even speaking to him ever again.<P>Then again, he isn't anyway. I withdrew support $$ from our joint account first thing this am - after I was sure his direct deposit was in. He was 'slightly' upset. But darn it, I have bills to pay too. I was really tired of having bit$ and piece$ doled out to me like I was the one with the spending problems. And besides, why should I have to support bimbo? Oh yeah, he was giving her $$ (not that much - hah! - a penny is too much).<P>Closure is what it is. It may be hard to accept but I guess I needed that last kick in the mug to realize that he is no longer the man I married, and I don't like the one he's become. <P>Dana, thanks for the hugs. I really need them right now. I know it is time to get on with it.<P>Bob - There's quite a few Claires around now. I was the only one I knew until my senior year in highschool when a new Claire moved to town. Now we're everywhere, aren't we?

I have only heard of one other in this area. <BR>I dated one in college, my first true love, and that is where I got the name. I never told my x this.

Bob that is so sweet. Of course you wouldn't want your x to know that. One of my girlfriends from highschool named her daughter after me - she really liked the name too. I know of about 6 Claires in our "little" town of about 20 Thou. Maybe I'll just change my name to.....I don't know....Bernadine? no, too close to OW's name - it starts with a B too (for bimbo).....maybe Salome? sounds exotic.....<BR>I don't know.....<P>Hey, anybody have any suggestions? Be kind now.........I thought about <B>Idiota</B> for a while so you don't have to bring that one up.<p>[This message has been edited by RCoaster (edited August 16, 2000).]