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Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 483
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I have not been around here lately and when I do I just lurk. I am sorry that there are so many new names… sorry because behind those names there are people who suffer. In my selfishness I find it difficult to read the posts of those are in the midst of pain as I was a few months ago. I am really trying to let go and move on. Her ex-ex (current) lover arrived on the 15th to live in town and now they are enjoying a "honey moon" on the beach. Next week they will move to an apartment near our home. Also next week I have an unavoidable scheduled trip and I am not sure how to handle the triangle W-Lover-MyDaughter while I am gone.

Meantime I am working on our agreement to divorce, we must move our office within 2 weeks and we are opening another branch within 2 months… so many changes… so little money… so little moral support…

I am in private counseling and also attending a group with the same psychologist twice a month but sometimes I don't know where I am going… I have not have sex in over 10 months (this is, since about one month before discovery) and although mentally willing, the truth is that my body does not seem to react normally… at least I don't have strength in the morning, if you know what I mean. Damn, this is so personal that if we knew each other faces and names I wouldn't dare to share this with you.

I guess I am worried. I guess I am lonely. Solitude or loneliness? The line is so fine between these two that sometimes I don't know what it is. What I do know is that many times I am eager to get home to share something with her and then I remember that there is no "her" anymore; also some mornings I wake up with that familiar feeling that everything is alright, that I have the happiest family and that I am part of the perfect team and one instant later I remember…

So this is it, I am not really asking for advice, I guess sadness and confusion need to be vented too. I feel, no, I AM so far from where I was one year ago that when I look back it only seems like a fairy tale that I read sometime but not now… somewhere but not here… with someone but not her… somehow, but I don't know how.

And then my work continues to pile up… is this depression or procrastination? Pain or just an excuse?

Than you for listening.

Alex

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Live fully and always learn


Joined: Nov 1999
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((((((((((((((((Alex))))))))))))))))

just keep holding on..........

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"The journey into darkness has been long and cruel, and you have gone deep into it."
~ A Course in Miracles


Joined: Jan 2000
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Hey Alex,
Unfortunately I know excactly what you're going through at this moment because it seems that I'm in exactly the same situation as you at this very moment. At times things seem alright and then I'm bottoming out again and on the verge of balling my eyes out but for what? I don't know, I too find it hard to go on, just getting out of bed in the morning is a real chore, but I have too, I have a daughter who still loves me and needs me to be there for her. I have a 50/50 time sharing with my wife, our divorce hasn't been finalized as of yet. On my off weeks it's even tougher to deal with everything, having my daughter around me at least gives me some relief. All I can say is hang in there. It'll get better, so I've heard. Take care of yourself, Jax.

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{{{ALEX}}}

Long time no see on the boards, you may not recognize me I changed my name (from Lonelymom).

It has been 8 months since xmas day. The other night I got a phone call for my stbx . It was 2 am. It was from his old job that he lost as a result of the affair. I rolled over to wake him and almost died!!! He doesn't live here anymore. Its been 8 months. What the heck was I thinking!! Of course, sleeping the rest of the night was out of the question.

My work is piling up. Procrastination, depression, lack of motivation. Its all the same.

I think this is a normal phase of this whole awful process and unfortunately to heal properly we must go thru it. It stinks, and I have a lot of people telling me in email that this week, I am very down too. I guess I don't notice it as how others perceive us here.

This is a place for support, and we are all here to help, whether you take a break or not.

I too, am saddened by all the new names and faces. I make it a point, to only read one each day if I can handle it. When I see the new people start posting and I can get to understand their situation, I'll reply, but I do stick to my friends who have walked me thru my trauma too.

Loneliness/Solitude, it hurts, it is a hard thing to deal with. If you get the opportunity and haven't done so, read..."rebuilding when the relationship ends" I dont' have the author, I lent mine out, it might be Bruce Fisher, but honestly , thats a guess, its not hard to find in the book store though.

Its a great book and I think it might help you in down times like it has helped me, matter of fact I need to make a call and get it back, I need it again!!

Good luck and prayers, Dana (formerly lonelymom) (not so lonely as I was when I came)


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Alex,

I read this message with great sorrow. I keep hoping I will log on and see that she has come to her senses and decided to be your W again.

I guess there is nothing to do but keep on keeping on. You have my best wishes and do keep posting and letting us know how it is going.

God Bless,

JL


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ThisAlex:

From my experience, what you are feeling is 100% normal. I usually explain it to family and friends like I am trapped on this "roller coaster of emotions". Some days I feel good, some great, some like I can't go on. I also find that the weather has a big influence - if it is sunny and warm I tend to be more happy, but if it is rainy and cool, the depressed feelings creep up on me.

One helping factor is exercise. The days I go to the gym I tend to leave with more optimism and hope, not just for my marriage's future, but for my own future as well.

Hang in there.

One more thing, there is a book out there called "Streams In The Desert". It is a daily devotional for people going through hard times in there lives. There is one reading a day (few paragraphs). It starts with a Bible passage, then it goes on to relate the passage to real life. It really helps me get up and out of bed each morning.

God Bless!


Joined: Dec 1999
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Thank you all for your words, it really helps to know that we are not alone. It feels good here at MB although I will still mostly lurk.

Soulloss,

I am trying, really trying.

Jax,

My daughter is my best remedy. She lives with me and spends time with her mom almost every day and (soon to be ex-)W phones her when can't visit. It's been only 16 days since W moved out and things are changing rapidly. What worries me is that our daughter doesn't talk about it, I don't know if the cause is that we have managed the issue in an appropriate manner of if D is hiding her feelings.

Dana,

I like your new name better. I know these feelings are part of the normal process, but like you and many MBers, I had never experienced the intensity of pain like the one felt upon discovery, and definitely I never before experienced any change in my life as big & forced like this.

I'll look up for the book, thanx.

JL,

You are always there when I post and I thank you. She won't "come to her senses" and come back… she believes that she made the right decision when she dropped me and I respect this since our situation is not a "normal" affair. I wouldn't want her back anyway… the old relationship died 9 months ago and I am not interested in ANY new love affairs at this time, not with her, not with anyone.

ST2000,

Exercise… yeah… I went to a gym for little over a month and was really feeling better and energized. Y should try it again.

Streams in the Desert? I like the name, I'll look for it.

Alex

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Live fully and always learn



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