Well here is what I am faced with, my wife sent in paper work a couple of weeks ago for a divorce. She is yet to get an appointment with the attorney, maybe next week I guess.<P>I need to know what I should do now.<P>Should I refrain from having any contact with her at all?<P>Should I call her once a week to keep things on a freindly basis?<P>I do not want this divorce, however, I have lost in trying to get her back. Please let me know what I should do.<BR>Thanks<BR>Ted

Ted,<BR>First of all let me say how sorry I am to hear about your upcoming divorce. I wished that more people would take their wedding vows more seriously.<P>It is up to you what kind of relationship that you want to keep with your soon to be ex. In some of our cases, some can be friendly through this whole process.......but many find their efforts for a "friendly" divorce to be frustrating and more painful.<P>If you don't have an attorney yet...get one. A divorce can get very ugly and you need to protect yourself. You need to "disconnect" so to speak from your marriage and her and think about yourself. What you want and need to make your new life as simple and painless as possible.<P>Sometimes when you are nice, the other takes advantage of that and uses that to take you for everything. That does not mean that you have to be vindictive.......just firm.<P>Are their children involved? What kind of relationship do you have right now? Sorry, I haven't been around much, so I don't know your story.<P>Take care of yourself......<P>Nancy

Thank you for your thoghts, I have contacted my attorney and we are just waiting for the papers to come in. I have been talking to her three to five times a week, but like you say trying to be too nice could work against me.<BR>Ted

Ted,<P>Being nice worked against me.......but maybe I am the exception to the rule.<P>I tried so hard to Plan A, sometimes even thinking it was working, but found out it was working against me.<P>Remember, they still know which buttons to push and believe me they will use whatever they can to help them.<P>Remember...just keep a level head and try to keep emotions and that silly little thing called love out of it. Unless you feel there is a chance.<P>Nancy

Hi. You don't say where you are in the MB process. Are you Plan A-ing still or in Plan B? I think that divorce takes a while, and it may seem like it's time to panic, but you still have time to make a difference. Whatever plan you are in, stick to the plan. <P>If you really don't want the divorce and feel that changes can be made, stall. My divorce was supposed to take 90 days. Here it is almost a year later and we're STILL waiting on a court date! (could the court calendar be THAT full?) Make use of this time by investigating your legal options so that you don't get the short end of the stick, but don't give up on reconciliation.

Ted,<P>I know exactly where you are at as my wife actually filed for the divorce. My name is also TED!<P>Hang in there don't panic although I know how easy that option seems.<P>I continue to plan A and pray that my wife has a memory lapse!