X called three times yesterday......to tell me he's not doing so good. Hmmmmm, a conscience finally? Also, during the conversations he told me that the Bimby is no longer in his life. Maybe the reason that you're not doing so well? Could it be because you found her 'cheating' on you? And you left your wife and family and pretty darn good life for <B>it?</B><P>My first thought was the above.....then, I thought - serves you right you SOB.....then, I thought, and said to him - I hope that your relationship <B>is</B> over with her, for your own good. Maybe you can look at what happened and learn from it. Maybe you'll see what you gave up - a wife that loved you and worked very hard for a long time to show you that she loved you, a lifetime of memories with someone who used to be your best friend, and that precious time with your children that you can only get when you live with them everyday. And now, what do you have?<P>I guess Bimby was only interested in the race and not the outcome......why would you want a person like this? Just goes to show you that not all gossip is untrue. Sometimes there's a reason behind it. People tried to warn him.....but she had him buffaloed (or something). He would always say that oh, no, Bimby has <B>only</B> been involved in 'relationships', not just casual sex.......<B>HA!</B> Like I said, sometimes rumors and 'gossip' are true....<P>OOOOOOOHHHHHHH Venting!!!!<P>I really can't go backwards just because he is now having difficulties living the life he chose. The only problem is, I thought I could get over this.....but in the back of my mind is always that thought that once upon a time we were the best of friends and we had a good, loving relationship - and I miss that. I don't want to go backwards...<<sigh>><P>I know, I know.....stay strong....don't go there.

RC,<P>Tough choices...huh...<P>Did H tell you about the demise of his affair? Or did you find out through other means....I'm a bit slow today...I probably missed that line in your post...LOL<P>I learned that my STBX has ended her relationship w/LRB....but I don't quite buy it....If she did she has not elected to tell me...<P>The news did drag up some feelings....in fact the were exactly what you wrote...I got resentful...Why couldn't she do this 8 frikken months ago...<P>I hope she is miserable as hell...not real spiritual but it is honest...<P>Well just keep your head up and maintain your strength...we are here for you...<P>Bill

Hi Bill,<P>Yeah, <B>he</B> told me. It came up because he's going to have the kidos for his first of the every-other-weekend visitations. I asked him to <B>please</B> not have her there when the boys were over. So he told me that she's "not in his life" anymore.<P>Like I said, the way I really feel (deep, deep down somewhere) is that I hope she isn't - for his sake. Maybe he'll actually do a little soul-searching for once and stop blaming the breakup of our marriage on the way <B>I</B> was/am.

I too hope STBX gets to know herself again...<P>She has been sick with this for over a year now and has aged a good bit due to the stress. She needs a break....I doubt she'll give herself one though...She's a serial monogomist....<P>Bill

Rcoaster,<P>Life is full of twists and turns.. well it is his turn...!! thats great.. I love hearing that things didn`t work out for these people.. I am happy for you.. I am hoping my ex and his Ow don`t work out either.. I don`t want him back either, but it *will* make them think about what they did, and what for.. which is self indulgence.. and thats all.. <P>there is no good excuse for what they *chose* to do.. and it does serve him right!!<P>thumbs up to you...!<P>AV

Bill,<P>Serial Monogamist! That's sooooo sad! <P>Do you mean always trying to find that one relationship that will make them whole? I guess they don't get it that you can only make yourself a whole person - can't rely on someone else to do it for you!<P>I'm afraid that this whole thing has aged me too. Life goes on.....I might as well enjoy mine, and I will <P>AV ~<P>He finally got what he started out to do - have <B>me</B> divorce <B>him</B>. I actually believe that much of what happened in the past four years was his trying to convince me that he wasn't good enough for me. Well, he finally did it.

Hey Claire,<P>Does that kind of make you feel like second choice? runner up? Now, youre good enough again?<P>Not trying to be a [censored], I understand the fog thing was there myself 13 years ago. I don't know what I would really do if Val wanted to come back now.<P>Just wondered how ya feel about it.<P>The Pinhead

Claire,<P>Hey there girl!<P>Keep your chin up........you are #1 and deserve nothing but the best!<BR>(you keep telling your self that!) <P>Hang in there!<P>Man am I tired <<<<<<< YAWN >>>>>>>>>><P>Gina <P><P>------------------<BR>"If we deny love that is given to us,if we refuse to give love because we fear pain or loss,then our lives will be empty,our loss greater!"-----Anonymous----

Tim,<P>Never thought of it that way, thanks for the reminder......LOL<P>No, I just let it be whiskey under the bridge. (NO, not me <B>drinking</B> whiskey under the bridge - although that's a thought - ) I'm way better than runner-up. I get to continue my life knowing that I did try my hardest during all of this and that it was <B>his</B> choice to be a loser.<P>Gina,<P>Why so tired? Were you and Zippy up until all hours of the morning? How about that limo ride from the airport, once we get to Nashville? I told Tim he could bring along a few people - Richard Gere, John Travolta, etc., etc.....<P>Oh yeah, Tim - since it's going to be in Nashville you could bring along a couple of singers too. George Strait would be nice, and Toby Keith.....<p>[This message has been edited by RCoaster (edited September 04, 2000).]

Hey Claire!<P>I hope you didn't take that the wrong way. Just wondered what is going thru your mind as the wandering partner starts to show interest in the M again.<P>I'm not here to piss anyone off. Didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Still love me?

Tim ~<P>No offense taken.....never, ever. Uh-Oh, never supposed to say never No, seriously - you did not hurt my feelings.<P>WS is now WXS, so it shouldn't really matter anymore. Of course I wonder if he's going to start the 'we can still be buds for the sake of the kidos' thing. He's already trying that...I don't want to go back there again. I will just make myself remember what has happened the last few thousand times....<P>Oh, it would be nice to be able to share hugs and have some intimacy in my life - but I can't do that with X anymore...it would be way too painful - I would just be hurting myself again. <P>Right now I just need to concentrate on me and my guys. School is starting - neither one is too crazy about that - but I need the break!<P>You betcha I still love ya! <P>Oops! call the spelling error cops! <P>[This message has been edited by RCoaster (edited September 04, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by RCoaster (edited September 04, 2000).]

Claire,<P>Wouldn't ya know?? Always waiting till it's too late! <P>I know that if my very stbx wanted to come crawling back, I would have to laugh at him. There is NO WAY!!! I've learned enough to know that it wasn't healthy to begin with. <P>You do what you know is right for you and your kids. Sometimes they do too much to hurt us and there isn't anything they can do to fix that hurt.<P>Mitzi

Hi RC,<P>I wish I had time to send you a long reply but I'm running so late today.<P>Sorry this is coming to you later, I haven't been on much this weekend, tough times, you know the deal.<P>Well, aren't we in the same boat??? <P>I didn't get to read all the replies to you yet, just want to say I know where your comin from and believe me, its not an easy place. <P>I have contemplated letting h move back in as room mates til we financially fix things, but SOMEONE SHOOT ME before I go do something stupid like that.<P>Its hard to make a tough decision when your down, and it stinks to feel like second choice doesn't it??<P>I'll read this whole post tomorrow, I am runnin late, sorry.<P>Hugs, Dana<BR>

RC,<P>Yes a serial monogomist......A person that can't be single and must have the validation of being in a relationship. Then will stay in that relationship for a minimum of a year or until she wan't out....or a very co-dependent.<P>Part of me wants STBX to ask for a second chance....I don't want her back but my ego sure could use the satisfaction of having her try...<P>I just left her house..I had to get the remaining few things I had there....I was really feeling all the pain of the last year...the wondering...the anger...hell...all of it...But when I got there I felt nothing....Faceing those feelings and walking right into them w/out avoiding sure helps to make getting through it easier and faster...<P>Oh..and you are right We aren't second place finishers...we are the winners...we chose to grow from this and become better people...<P>Dana,<P><B>EX-frikken-scuse me...ARE YOU NUTZ!!!!!</B><P>I don't want to shoot you....but if I have to...it'll be just a grazing shot to your little toe...that ought to be enough to wake you up...<P>MHO...If you let him move in you are asking for an [censored]-load of feelings you will have to deal with....Stuff you probably have just about gotton to the other side of...Also how will your girls react when he leaves again...Be very careful...You don't want to pay anymore of his tab than you already have...When I get around Robin, like today all the evil things she did to me last fall came flooding back in my memory...Do you want to experience that everyday when you look at him...Be very careful friend...emotions are fragile and you have worked very had at strengthening your...<P>Bill

Dana ~<P>I second Bill's response.......been there, done that - don't you do it!!!! But I understand your comment about someone please shoot me....asked my boss to do that if I <B>ever</B>, repeat <B>EVER</B> even think of doing that to myself again.<P>And <B>no</B>, I do not feel like second place, or runner-up....I have finally seen the light. It may be at the end of a tunnel, but I have seen it and am moving steadily forward, toward it! <P>Bill ~<P>You know she's not serious.....right, Dana?<BR><B>RIGHT, DANA?</B> I knew I was right....

Dana...........