I was dating a wonderful man 3 years younger than me(I'm 30)for a little over a year. He lived 90 miles away in another state. He commited himself to come and be with me every weekend. His job requires that he do some traveling. Recently his job had sent him on a couple of jobs and there was a period of time in which I hardly saw him or heard from him. This hurt me because I expected him to miss me and put in a phonecall or send a postcard in the mail. He used to do this in the beginning. As I started letting him know how much closer i needed him in my life the more distant he became. 2 weeks ago he basically with no real explanation said he wanted to be alone. I was devestated, I still am. When i ask him why his only answer is that he doesn't know. He insists that he loves me and that I am the best thing that has ever come into his life. If that is so true how could he do this to me.<p>What I found even more hurtful is that even though he did not want to stay in the relationship, he was willing to continue a sexual relationship. He wanted to meet only for sexual encounters and keep it from everyone and just continue telling everyone that we were not together. Of course I was hurt and offended by this and told him that if I wasn't good enough to be his girlfriend then I why his lover? <p>I am so hurt by all of this. Why is it that some people can't commit.

Querida,<p>this is a tough one; it's got so many possibilities. His age, past relationships, etc. Having done my share of dating, prior to getting married at age 30, the comittment thing was never a real problem, for me that is. I was always very open in my relationships, and if i detected someone expected more, i made sure to talk about it & work it out. Some times this was the beginning of the end of those relationships, but since I wasn't ready to commit any further, i felt that i was being fair in stating my lack of committing any further. Is this fair ? Of course not to the one wanting more. By the way, i was also in some relationships where I wanted more & she didn't. <p>I guess it's got so many variables that you shouldn't assume it's your fault. BOTH people have to be ready. <p>Maybe he felt that since you wanted more and he had no intentions of furthering the relationship, he slowly became distant. <p>Regarding the continuation of sex, I have to think he is a bit of a slime ball for that ! That's extremely disrespectful. I'm glad (hope) you told him to take a hike. <p>By the way, someone telling you the love you & your the best thing can ONLY be proven by their actions towards you. He's either lying for the sex or he doesn't know what real love means. (the lack of keepying in touch for a period of time tells me that it may be both.)<p>I hope you can go forward & accept that some folks just are not ready to commit. <p>For the record, I want to say that i don't envy women when it comes to this stage of a relationship. It's definately tough !! <p>hang in there & sorry that there's no one correct answer to this !!<p>nick