I dub myself Backslider of the Month! <BR>Okay, maybe even the year!<P>I am <B>stupid, stupid, stupid.</B> My XH's GF dropped him for another guy. He started calling me all the time, telling me what an idiot he'd been, he'd loved me since he was 15 years old - how could he think he would ever be able to get over me, he didn't want to lose me....blah, blah, blah. And I fell for it.<P>I hadn't heard from him in 3 or 4 days. Well, guess what? That's right! As I knew from the silence, he and The Bimby are "talking" again. And then I find out this morning that she's over at his house because they need to talk together before he leaves on a business trip this afternoon.<P>Gosh, he doesn't even have time in the past week to call or visit with his sons. Now we know why. I'm more mad at myself that I am with him. I already know he's a lying cheat.<BR>Why in the world would I believe him? Well, I know the answer to that one, so no one really needs to say it. I hate feeling stupid, but I have to admit to it. I allowed my emotions to overcome my better judgement. <P>I even told him that I knew that he'd be back with The Bimby if and when she decided to make ammends. I know him better than he does himself, so why was I starting to believe what he was saying to me? Of couse when I told him this he was shocked that I would think him to be so stupid. <B>Hello!</B> Wasn't he stupid enough to be involved with her in the first place? <P>Right now I'm just having to deal with my tangled emotions and I'm having an "I feel so sorry for myself because <B>I'm</B> such an idiot" cry.<P>Like I said - I need a kick in the tush!<P>

.<p>[This message has been edited by Trapped Mom (edited March 25, 2001).]

Hi Coaster,k<P>Welcome to the human race! You're not stupid, you are just human. Sounds like you believed something you really wanted to believe. Here's a lot more than you ever really wanted to know about beliefs: Belief is a function of the immagination, not the intellect!<P>You sound like a neat person, and my guess is that you are in the right place. Dr. Harley has some great columns that deal with exactly the situation you describe. I downloaded and read that whole series of stuff he wrote on infidelity and dealing with the wayward spouses, one for husbands and one for wives. Given my own experience, I have to say he has some great insights. He deals very candidly, yet very kindly with some pretty tough materials. <P>Niether backslider nor stupid, just the human of the month. Hang in there kid!!<P>Bumper<P>

Don't feel bad! I would probably do the same thing if my stbx came over and told me he was done with his ow. Love is a hard thing to make sense of isn't it?<P>Jill

No, no, no.......<P>I deserve what I get for even believing him as far as a piece of paper held between thumb and forefinger. This has happened so many times that I thought I wouldn't let myself get hurt this time, because I <B>knew</B> that as soon as she slithered up to him again that I'd be once again on the outside.<P>I tried to prepare myself for exactly what has happened, but it doesn't make the pain any less. I didn't stop loving the jerk - even though I divorced him. I guess the next thing to do is totally block myself from him. Plan B is for me, not for him. <P>The worst part is the things he said about her to me. That he knows she's a user and that she can't even take care of her own daughter. And now he'll be pushing her involvement with my sons.....it hasn't happened yet, but it's coming. No, I'm not buying trouble before it happens. I know he'll try it. The thing is, my kids will suffer because they just won't have anything to do with their Dad if he's with her. They're not toddlers who can be persuaded with 'fun' things to do. They're both teenagers with minds of their own.<P>Sorry, I'm rambling.

Claire,<P><KICK> You asked for one and I'm happy to oblige! LOL LOL No seriously, I know what you're going thru with this and I know why you wanted kicked!<P>Hugs!<BR>Mitz

<<sniff, sniff>><P>Thanks Mitzi! I needed that!<P>I just feel stupid Again

Claire,<P>Dry your tears...I wouldn't kick hard!!<P>It happens to the best of us! Don't feel stupid. It's hard to stop loving someone or at least stop caring for them. You're human!<P>((((((HUGS))))))<BR>Mitzi

RC:<BR>I'll give you a kick to the tush, but it will be for the 'Duke' thing and not your actions w/ your ex <P>Seriously though, I agree with Trapped Mom in that your XH is the one that needs to have his butt <B>kicked</B>!<P><P>------------------<BR>JH93

Claire,<P> Hey,neighbor,<P> I for one wouldn't kick you in the tush.<BR> But I'll give you a big(((HUG))).<BR> <BR> If you treat me to some fish&chips,I'll find that XH of yours,and KICK him in the ****!!! Deal? <P> Try and stick to plan B,it works wonders.<BR> Take care,TSQ.<P>~~Murph

Hey claire,<P>Sorry to hear things are down. Don't beat yourself up about it most of us have gone there. It really messes with your trust issues in all areas of your life. Do you best at limiting contact, I know hard with children. The more you can keep away the healthier it is for you. So your a husky fan, I went to UW. Love the dawgs! But I have been busy cheering our bball team. At least today they hit something. I was getting worried. Take care.<P>Gerri

Hi Claire,<P>Want to meet sometime and go shopping in Bainbridge?<BR>I could kick you in person then if you like.<BR>Sorry you are still having trouble with your X. I guess it doesn't end for awhile does it?<BR>My email is Lorabell13@aol.com<BR>Lora<p>[This message has been edited by Lora (edited October 15, 2000).]

Thanks everybody<P>I'll try to not give myself too hard of a time for the rest of the week. <P><<<kicking myself in the a** on the way to bed>>><P>Lora -<P>Not much shopping to do on Bainbridge.....well, maybe a little.....<p>[This message has been edited by RCoaster (edited October 16, 2000).]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{RC}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>You don't need a kick, you need a hug. It just goes to show that you do need some time to heal and be comfortable with all of this. I feel bad that you had to go thru that, what a LOSER he is for putting you thru this.<P>I am unable to read all your replies right now, but I hope you are OK. Email me at dmbrown@frontiernet.net and we'll chat. I won't be on the board a lot this week.<P>Hugs, Dana<BR>

{{{{{{{{{Claire}}}}}}}}}},<P>I agree that you don't need a kick in the tush. Hey, I could fly back out there and Murph & I could find your X.... I could sit on him while Murph hits him! Then off to Ivar's we'd go.... <P>Backsliding is natural.... look at me... I took a slide a couple of weeks ago, but they are very few and very far between now. It takes a while. Don't beat yourself up about it, just learn from it. Learn the triggers that make you want to backslide, learn to identify them, and then find a way to fight the urge. I personaly remember that whenever my X's lips are moving, that means he probably lying. <P>Hope you have a better week. Email me if you want to (still want your snail address).<P>Big Hugs,<BR>B<P>------------------<BR>There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. <BR>-- John Oliver Holmes<P>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.<BR>-- Elie Wiesel<P><BR>

Butterfly,<P>I like the quote, "The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference."<BR>-- Elie Wiesel<P>Did this happen to come from the book, Night?<BR>It's the only one that I've read from that author and that was back in college.<P>------------------<BR>JH93

JH93,<BR>I'm not sure where the quote came from... My sister sent it to me when I was having a hard time reconciling my Love/Hate with my X. It just fit.<BR>B

RCoaster - do you want your kick football or soccer style?<P>Seriously, I don't want to kick you. I think you're in need of a hug. It's that love/hate thing in action. You loved this person who hurt you and now you've had it happen again. <P>At least now you recognize the pattern.<P>Until the day my x married again, I would have talked to him about dating if I thought he had changed enough to make it a sane possibility. But he never did change and he never really wanted to talk. And considering the fact he still throws verbal and emotional punches left and right - aimed exclusively at me - I'm glad he never wanted to talk about it. But, if he had been in better shape on the emotional front, I would have considered it based on the fact we do have two children. <P>Isn't life weird?

Hey guys & gals,<P>Thanks for all the hugs & kicks. I really needed them (both).<P>Venting is a wonderful thing. I haven't heard from X since I left him a voice mail to let him know that I don't need to talk to him unless it's about the kids. Hmmmm, he's got someone else to talk with again......It's hell playing second place.<BR>Better for me, though (yeah, right - keep up that conviction). Maybe I can get on with life again, instead of focusing on the death of a marriage.<P>Butterfly,<P>snail mail address on the way.......<P><BR>