Why is this?<P>

As the more forgetful of the two who were in my marriage, sometimes I use those words because I really forgot. However, x thinks someone died and made him God, so he thinks he's divinely prefect. He is incapable of admitting his imperfections. However, he is also incapable of hearing anything I tell him. Swears I never told him half the stuff I know I tell him.<P>However, I doubt that describes you. You seem to have your head on straight. I think you are trying really hard to do what is right.<P>We've gotten to where we request schedule changes in writing therefore there is less confusion. That has made things somewhat easier. But it is a big pain. His idea. Of course it's a pain.

I get "I'm just new at this divorce stuff."<BR>My x is turning into her mother who was always kind of ditzy.

Hey Bob!!<P>I resemble that remark! <P>Watch out who you are calling "Ditzy" <P>Ok.....thought I would add a little humor!<BR>Just joking around! <P>THl,<P>In all seriousness,it is just an excuse for them to use when they are just plain lazy!<P>I know it is aggrivating to see how they behave! Just keep up being the great guy that you are,and the best daddy for your kiddo's! <P><BR>Is the mediation done now? How is everything else?<P>Gina <BR><P>------------------<BR>"If we deny love that is given to us,if we refuse to give love because we fear pain or loss,then our lives will be empty,our loss greater!"-----Anonymous----

OH NO!<P>the blonde is BACK! <P>Hi GINA, it is done, although not finalized.<BR>We will see, she is getting more beligerent every day, and more forgetful. Don't know why? other than maybe she doesnot like this arrangement, and does not like the fact that she has even less control now!<P>Cinderella, yes, your position and my position on this situation is exactly the same. And i think it has to do with anger, which Harley speaks about, causes you to forget.<P>I think that as an angry person, it is an easy excuse for her, her mind only accepts selective hearing, and anger responses makes the mind forget.<P>Bob, I got that at first, but now, when she said, "I don't understand how that can happen?" I said I forgot like you forget.<P>Of course no response, and then, "This conversation isn't getting us anywhere!"<BR>Because the everything that used to work doesn't anymore.<P>tom<BR>

Thl,<P>ROTFLMAO <P>That was good!! Yes I am back! You all can't get rid of me! I am a die hard MBer <P>I do think that you are right in the fact that she doesn't like it only bc of the fact that your not jumping through her hoops!<P>She isn't in control and I would bet that doesn't make her a very happy camper!<P>Just my 2cents. <P>We are just waiting on the court date.Everything has been signed.So it is done to me.Actually has been for awhile.<P>Hang in there!<P>Gina <P>------------------<BR>"If we deny love that is given to us,if we refuse to give love because we fear pain or loss,then our lives will be empty,our loss greater!"-----Anonymous----

Translation: "I forgot." = "I don't care enough to bother to remember."<P>She holds you accountable for the underlying possible hostility, you let her slide. The double standard is in you OWN mind.

I agree with you Karenna, except that I honestly forgot, which I have not been doing for a long time, as it is used against me somehow. It was an honest oversight. Actually, I could do the required the activity, it would just not be as she had planned, but i was willing to do it. But her point was that I didn't tell her when I saw her and I was working on the kids who we have agreed need some help, and 8 yo d got hurt in soccer game, and I was asked to referee instead of watch. So I waited to tell her when she was supposed to call, but she didn't call. So I told her the next morning when she called to confirm the activity. and I emailed her also at work. So it becomes a question of how soon. OK splitting hairs, maybe. Her reason, I should have told her at the soccer game. My point, I was going to tell her when she called, so we can negotiate it. <P>But then your point is valid, in that unless I am afraid it will be used against me, I won't remember. It wasn't that I didn't forget. Partly correct in that this is part of the passive aggressive behavior I have noticed in myself. <I> I am learning here! </I><BR>But her point comes down to timing, in that I wait to tell her, and she wants to know <B> as soon as possible </B> Actually, her requirement that I tell her all changes instantly makes me very defensive, as if I have to instantly report to her. She used to complain about whether I told her about my trip next week at 3pm or when I got home at 6 pm that day at dinner for conversation.<P>OK, however, I don't get impatient or angry with someone who forgets, because it does happen, and i have been guilty of it when very busy at work. So it would be a double standard if I forgot alot, and got mad if STBX forgot. Then the question is, "Is anger the only possible response?" or is not telling her instantly "forgetting?"<P>OK, so then the answer really is to state that I feel <insert feeling ? childlike? > when I have to tell you as soon as possible.<P>Or the other is I feel <insert feeling> when I have to only rely on myself?<P>honest request for help here, in that I don't know the appropriate feeling to insert, or the best wording to communicate the feeling.<P>I used to say forgetting was ok, because it was, but with scheduling so rigid these days, and with a scheduling control freak, I have to keep up with the instant communication.<P>that is the one part I don't like, is her panic and anger when there is not instant communication.<P>Do you have any communication suggestions? I could use some, both for now and in the future?<P>tom<P>

thl,<BR>stress makes alot of people forgetful. When I was going through my divorce, there were many days I'd walk from one room to the next and forget why I even walked in there. Drive to the grocery store and forget half the things I went there to get. Really. I had to force myself to make a detailed list of anything important I needed done that day or else I would definately FORGET.<P>And I'm supposed to be smart. I've got 'em fooled with this PhD thing, I guess. <P>There is a chance that she really is forgetting. As another poster mentioned, there are strategies that both of you can use that help. It is not likely that assuming that she is doing it on purpose will help her be creative in finding solutions. I know, it's hard not to feel that way, that she is doing it on purpose to p*ss you off. <P>Instead of being mad at her, maybe you can focus on coming up with some method that will help her remember. I know, that shouldn't be YOUR job, but still. Then, if she still does not want to participate you could reasonably assume it is something she is either doing on purpose, or she is too lazy to change.

Tom, <BR>I had trouble with x giving me times she was picking up/dropping of the kids. IF you remember I struggled all summer with it. She now gives me a calendar with the days she will pick up the kids and when she will drop them off. I make photo copies of all the kids schedules and give them to her when I see her. That way she can't say I didn't tell her.<P> It is easy for me to forget to tell her things sometimes because she is no longer the number 1 presence in my life, so she takes a lower priority in things.<P>She was mad at me a couple months ago because one weekend when the kids were supposed to be with her but were with me because "they" were going out of town for the weekend, I took the kids to her sisters while I visited my mother in the hospital. X was mad because I didn't call her. She said she would have stayed home and have taken the kids. I wanted to tell her that if she wasn't going to stay home to be with the kids, why would she stay home for my mother? I just told her I didn't think of it. No use fighting with her anymore!