This x's weekend with the kids and my d has a dance on Fri nite. But instead of going to her mothers after the dance she wants to come home to get on the computer and IM with her friends.<P>Since my relationship with the lady I was seeing just ended I really don't have any plans. I could go out and hang out at bar somewhere though.<P>I know I will be setting a precendence if I do this though. Anytime d doesn't have anything to do at her mothers( which seems to be always) she will want to come home.<P>I guess the father/rescurer in me wants my d to be happy, but at what price? X doesn't seem to care one way or the other. It will be less of a hassle for her.

IMNSHO, Since you are the custodial parent and your home is where the kids live mostly, if your d wants to be home...and has negotiated this with her mother (and this you should stay out of) then this is what the child wants to do. i.e. best interests of child!<P>If it is OK with x and d, then it really is up to you to either be home or have a sitter for d.......but d should never be made to feel that she cannot be in your home as she will burden you or crimp your plans, which I know is NOT the case in your situation (but who knows what these kids sometimes feel!).<P>As long as she is not running from her mother in that they have had an arguement or such...what I mean is playing the 2 of you off, which does not seem to be the case. (i.e. I do not like mom and I do like dad, so I will live with him, her or whatever.. etc...all of which I have been through with my 4. etc) <BR>Basically your d and her mother will have to define their own relationship and how much they see each other...and there is nothing much you can do to guide either one of them......other than tell d that her mother loves her.<P> <P>This is not easy....but I learnt that when the kids are emotionally mature enough to make their own plans about visitation, (without manipulation by stbx) then things start to fall into place as to the best interests for the child about this..<P>Good luck.....<P><p>[This message has been edited by willbok99 (edited November 02, 2000).]

Hey similar situation on my end. My ex wants to take our son hunting with him this weekend. Since he lives close and is in the same school district he wanted to keep son until Monday night. Son told him he wanted to come home on Sunday night. His legal visitation is until Monday night. I didn't say a thing but instead let the two of them handle it. I can totally understand where your daughter is coming from. Your home is HER home and that is where she is most comfortable. Can you imagine how difficult it must be to have to pack your bags every weekend and leave? I think as kids get older if the parents live close together and they can work together a strict visitation plan is NOT in the best interest of the kids. Instead, be flexible. Maybe mom can pick her up another night that isn't her "legal" night and spend some time with her? So, I agree with the other poster. Let your daughter and her mom handle it. Your doing a good job, btw.

wilbok, bonnie<P>Thanks for your replies. This isn't running home from the other parents due to a fight. That did occur two weekends ago. I resisted the temptation to go and rescue her then. She asked me this on Mon. It doesn't seem to be a problem with her mother. I think her mother is tired of fighting with her.<P>As for additional visitations I don't have a problem with that. X lives 2 miles away, but she only takes them if she can keep them overnight. She works 12 hr shifts, either 7a to 7p or 7p to 7a so she is gone most of the time she could have the kids. She has never picked them up after her work for a few hours, especially now that school has started. She also won't take the kids if she has to work 7a as she leaves at 6:15a. I guess she won't bother om to take kids to school and I am happy with that!!!!

RW,<P>Don't know if this will help but.......my kids refuse to go to X's house. #1, because they don't want to be around OW. #2, because they say it's boring over there (which it is, because X just watches the ballgames on the tube and doesn't really do anything with the boys). X tried to blame their reluctance to stay at his house on "his" weekends on something I have said to the boys - but not so. They just don't want to be there.<P>Kind of sad, but that's the way it is. They know that they'll always be able to depend on me. My social life is pretty much at a stand-still, but that's okay too. My boys are way more important than my dating.<P>I'm not sure how old your daughter is, but if the hormones are starting to kick in she really needs to be able to make some of her own decisions. Especially about where she would rather spend her time.<P>I applaud you that you're trying to respect her feelings in this. I don't think you're playing "Dad to the rescue."

I told my d it is up to her and her mother if she wants to stay here tonite. So d called x this morning and x said it was okay with her. She then asked if our s was still coming over. I said yes. She then talked to him and when I confirmed what time she was coming he said that was unless he made plans with somebody at school. <P>It sounds like this maybe the start of them not going over so much. She sure isn't going to force them to come over.

I'm sorry that your story sounds so much like mine. <P>They (the Xs) don't really seem to care if the kids are with them or not. I'm sure that the kids know this as well. It is very hard. But the children know that you are there for them in their decisions.<P>We are doing the best that we can.<P>I hope the dance was a great success for your daughter tonight, and that she had a looooooong conversation with her girlfriends afterwards........(I do remember what it's like to be a teenager after all)<P>

Hi Bob,<P>I know I'm late on this but I forgot my password, (I know its been almost a year right??) . Well anyway, I'm back now.<P>How is this all going now?? My oldest daughter doesn't want to go to dad's either and i don't know what to do either.<P>Her dad thinks I am behind it, but honestly , 3 daughters and a daycare, I have been looking forward to my 29 hours of freedom every two weeks!!<P>Just wanted to say hi,<BR>Dana<BR>

Hey Dana,<P>Good to hear from you. Hope things are going well for you.<P>Next week, my birthday no less, will be 1 year since I decided I wanted the divorce as I could no longer take the crap Carol was dealing me and I wanted out. The divorce was final on Feb 1, 2000, so I have 9 months under my belt!<P>My d did come home after the dance.There were a few complications to go with it of course. X called and asked if s was still coming over. I said as far as I knew. She said she would pick him up at 4:30. I told son and her said that would change if he made plans at school.<P>She calls on Fri at 4:00 and talks to son, he wants to stay here and play with his friends for a while. I told her I didn't care. She says she will pick him up at 7:45 and I tell her okay but I am leaving at 6:30. She gets pissed because I didn't tell her I would be home and why was d staying if I wasn't going to be there. I told her I told d I wouldn't be home as I was going to play bball at 6:30 and d didn't care. <P>So x says she will pick s up at 4:30 as they are going out to dinner. S is pissed as he can't play with friends. He packs and says he hates his mother( I silently agree.)<P>S says he is going to play with friends down street till 4:30 and I go to pick d up. When I get back, I noticed that s's stuff was still there. X calls from home and asks where everybody is at? I tell her where and she wonders why I don't leave a note. I wonder whay she doens't wait 5 mins. Of course she is Pissed. She says she will pickup s at 5:00 as they are going out to dinner. <P>5:00 comes and she picks up son and asks what time to pick up d on Sat. I told her no plans where made, so she slams door and leaves. I guess she expects me to make all the plans.<P>She comes around 11:00 to pick up d and is mad because d has her bball gear on. She says they are going shopping and she can' wear that. She waits inside for a while and then grabs d's stuff and gets in the van.<P>She is showing no signs of "the fog" lifting, she still trys to act like nothing has happened. I don't know if you read my other post. She and om are getting married in Fl next month. If I read her schedule right, she will be gone over the weekend and day of our s's 10th birthday. I guess this is his birthday gift, a stepfather.<P>My life still has some up and downs. I was in a relationship that ended upbruptly after 2 months. The rejection and fear of being alone really hurt for a couple days. I am bouncing back though.