Well, yesterday was my 18th (would have been my 18th) anniversary. Last year we were legally separated, but this is the first one where we are "divorced". I did think about it quite a bit in the AM while getting ready for work..looked at our glases from the wedding with our names on them, etc. <P>My MIL called me in the afternoon..she remembered and wanted to see how I was doing.<P>Then in the evening, he called...wanted to let me know he was thinking about me, did I need anything, etc...it was a good conversation, both of us saying how sorry we both were for how things worked out. <P>I got off the phone, and it was like another door opening for me. I am really getting through the mud of divorce, and there is light at the end of the tunnel! My llife will go on, I will be happy, I will find love again when I am ready. <P>He sounded tired, and sad. He said he is used to being lonely now. I really felt for him, and the hardness toward him is fading. I am finally forgiving him, and that is a good thing!<BR><P>------------------<BR>Susan

Very glad to hear that.<P>Time does heal all wounds.....<P>Do you have any hope or thoughts about a reconciliation down the road??<P>Just curious.

So Tired....<P>It is not to be...after two years of living with his affair, I just lost my love for him. yes, divorce has been hard, but I do not think I would ever trust him again, would ever give myself to him again. And, despite his admitting to me a few things, I don't think he loves me either. It is just the regrets we both have at not being able to make it, I guess.<P>------------------<BR>Susan

{{{{{{{{{{{{SUE}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>You have worked long and hard at so many things in life, and this is just another example of how strong we can be and how much we can grow even in the worst of situations.<P>Wishing you lots of happiness and good health,<BR>Dana<BR>

I know how you feel...tomorrow would have been my 20th anniversary. I am trying not to think about it too much...though I know that it will be hard.<P>I am working on forgiveness...I think when we finally let go and forgive we will be happier. I do not want to bottle up hate and revenge forever either.<P>I have a college class tomorrow night and a test..and I teach school all day so I will be busy.<P>With time we will all go on. I am thinking about you!

Hey Sue,<BR>Glad to hear you are healing. My 18 would have been back on 10/8. Didn't hear from anyone, but it really didn't bother me. <P>Hang in!<P>Bob

Just popped in...<P>I'm glad to here you're healing... <P>Jim

Sue,<P>I think the forgiveness is most important for your kids to see. so that they understand that forgiveness can happen, infidelity destroys legal relationships, but forgivenenss can heal relationships to a point of continued interaction without anger.<P>anger is so devastating, and from remembering a few weeks ago, you have come even farther than you were two months ago.<P>you are a wonderful role model here, the rest of us lecherous singles, though, want the SO success you have at the moment.<P>tom<P><BR>

Thanks all....<BR>I wonder how I will feel about this in 10, 20 yrs?? Will I even remember?? Does just the pain fade, or the memories as well? <P>It is amazing to me the energy the affair and divorce took, and how little energy both of us put in our marriage. <P><P>------------------<BR>Susan

Sue<BR>How true about the energy in affairs and divorce.<BR>It does seem we all take marriage forgranted as if it will always be there. Then we have to work like hell to try and save it when bad times come along. Unfortunately, for most of us, it's too late to put in smoke detectors after the house has burned down <BR>My 11th anniversary as well as her 30th B-day is this Nov 25th. I have no idea what to do. Cards and gifts, card for bday alone, simple phone call, or get out of town and say nothing. We are not divorced yet, merely separated, so do we acknowledge it or leave it alone?????

My anniversary would be Valentine's Day. Yeah, we were young and stupid. Now I roll my eyes while the rest of the world is ga-ga in love. Anyway, I have a friend who was also young and stupid and she and her deceased husband (AIDS - gotten the "traditional" way but she is okay)also married 2-14. Every year since x left, we've gone out together on the day. I know what the world must think. Two women out on Val. Day all dressed up. But, the truth is we are celebrating - the fact that we survived extreme betrayal.