hi everyone, <BR>I have been sitting here reading all the different topics of discussion and I believe that there are some really intelligent people in the forum. I would like to share my story and get some advice of my own. <P>Married only two years as of November 28. <BR>We shared no gifts on our anniversary but did go out to a show. <BR>Wanted some, but got no romance whatsoever. <BR>Two children, 10 and 18 months, youngest is his. <BR>We are opposites who cannot agree on one thing. <BR>He is a quiet, laid back, content at home, hates crowds, doesn't dance, not outgoing, patient, unemotional, and non intimate man. <BR>I am outgoing, love people, hate sitting at home, outspoken, active, assertive, spontaneous, love outdoors, participating in sports, rowdy kind of person. <P>We are exact opposites that saw complimentary qualities with eachother at one time, but now have not one decent thing in common with eachother besides our children. <P>I have been contemplating divorce for several months now but everytime I do the old Benjamin Franklin list of pro's and con's, they always come out fifty-fifty. I feel like I'm caught in the eye of the storm right now. I don't know which way to go! I feel like I have tried everything. I need some outside advice. <P>I would really appreciate some new ideas!! <BR>

Your post says so much that I don't know where to start. Lets try this.<P>You say you have been thinking about divorce for several months, right. Can I assume you have been open and honest about this with your H? Or is this a situation where your "outspoken", and "assertive" only with others?<P>If you haven't actually talked (honestly) with him about it, do you think he is "picking up" on how negative you are? Sorry, but folks that sit around thinking about divorce tend to come off pretty negative and their spouse is usually the first to sense it, even if they have no idea where the feeling is coming from.<P>If you have talked about it, was it done without LBing? So many "honest" talks seem to really be about "I'm not happy and it's your fault." "You don't do XYZ so I'm unhappy."<P>I guess my point is that anything decent in marriage starts with true honesty. Honesty to yourself and to your spouce.<P>It's so easy to fall into the "he/she should know how I feel or what I want" trap we don't even see it happening. You can count on one thing, his crystal ball isn't any better than your's is.<P>As you said in your post, when two people have different "traits" it can and should be used as a positive to "complement" each other. The requirement of course is that you are able to recognise this and allow the other person's feelings and traits to surplant your own. Are you willing to do this?<P>Before you decide to divorce look at yourself and ask if you have really tried to change things. Read everything you can get your hands on. And do come back here and "talk" to others that have lived through what you are experiancing.

Welcome to the forum!<P>Have you tried talking to him? Letting him know what your feeling?<P><BR>There was some type of chemistry between you two because you married. What was the basic thing and go from there????<P>Children are huge treasures but do certainly put strain on any relationship. Could this be a factor with two so young???<P>good luck.

Welcome <B>kimkaymilkyway</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://pages.ivillage.com/re/mb_nsr/MB_GW.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>2 years...<BR>...so short ...so long...<P>I wouldn't give up on the marriage right away.<P>Can you change your H... nope<BR>Can he change you ... nope<P>...but you can do things for each other... in selfless ways to make it happy marriage.<P>We recommend you start on a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>(check out my post <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A> too.)<P>I would very much say that counseling (especially well focus <B>MB</B>-style counseling would be very much in order)...<BR>...you must feel you don't know where to start...<BR>...if he's a home body... start reading from <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6020_needs.html" TARGET=_blank> "His Needs, Her Needs"</A>... and excellent book to refcous the direction of your marriage!<BR>......read to him<BR>......let him read to you<P>After you get part way into the book...<BR>...make sure you study <B>his</B> needs... and clearly atriculate <B>your</B> needs!<P>...and get to work on meeting those needs.<P>Marriage...<BR>...a good healthy one...<BR>...means work... but it can be oh so fun if done the right way.<P>If you need a kick start (seems you do)...I would recommend that you have a couple of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7200_phone.html" TARGET=_blank>telephone counseling sessions</A> (~$95US a pop... but well worth it) with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7010_about.html" TARGET=_blank>Steven W. Harley</A> or Jennifer Harley. Check out the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counseling Center</A>... and for some specifics... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7015_fee.html" TARGET=_blank>Fees for Counseling Services</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7020_sched.html" TARGET=_blank>Scheduling an Appointment</A> (888-639-1639)!<P> <P>Jim