I just found out today about my Uncle and Aunt's past. It has come as a complete shock to me. I knew my Uncle had been married before my aunt and I also knew my cousins from the first wife. What I didn't know is that my Uncle divorced his first wife because of the affair he had with my Aunt. What kind of goes against what we would all like to believe happens with our spouses and the OP is my Aunt and Uncle had a very almost storybook wonderful marriage. When you looked at them you could just see how much they loved eachother. They were inseperable that is until my Uncle died of cancer 2 years ago. My Aunt visits his grave everyday. <BR>It really made me rethink about how I think about these relationships. I do agree that sometimes affairs are just that affairs but<BR>now I relize that sometimes true love does win out. <BR>It doesn't mean that we are not as good as the OP just that maybe the connection just isn't there. <P><BR>

crazy or what,<P>I don't believe that "the connection isn't there" - if the love was ever there, it doesn't go away. <P>I obviously don't know anything about your Aunt and Uncle, and maybe they are the exception, but there have been many "storybook" marriages where the wife found out about infidelity only while sorting through the H's belongings at his office after his death.

First, this place is Marriage Builders, not Affair Builders, so this place is biased towards building good solid marriages EVEN if the selection was not the best. And remember, the even great marriages that start out for quite awhile can explode under the stresses of midlife, and kids, and employment and personal history, etc.<P>That being said, the probabilities are low for a successful affair/marriage to be maintained life long, but low is not impossible, nor zero probability.<P>Did you find out why he didn't have emotional needs met from his first wife? could be alot of real reasons, and she could have been crazy, it does happen you know! <P>WIFTTy

I agree with the others here. A marriage is what you make it. Maybe your Uncle learned after he got married again, and the same problems cropped up, that hmmm maybe it is not the wife's fault. Maybe he learned about the value of commitment and his contribution to the failure of his first marriage.<P>I just get ill when people equate love and marriage with something similar to catching a cold. Good marriages don't just "happen" and divorces aren't due to some unfightable force.