In one of my threads it was pointed out that my ex would abuse his next interest if he couldn't stand up and realize what he had done with me. The statement then says that i would end up in another abusive situation or end up abusing someone else. (I'm sure it was meant that if i didn't seek help)<P>Question????<BR>So, in a situation where abuse was present in your family life (growing up as a child) would the same idea's then be true?<P>Seeing your parents fight and throw things. Does this "preprogram" you?<P>The foundation of who you are, your basic right from wrong and ethics comes from ideals set up and displayed before you as a child, do they not?

rtn2,<P>Most cases of abuse yes, you tend to stay w/<BR>what you know...because if thats what seems normal to you..then that is what you will <BR>lean toward..but when you get help through<BR>counseling you can learn new behaviors and<BR>won't choose the same type of person because<BR>you become healthier..

My parents fought like cats and dogs, but they have been married for nearly 50 years. I believe they love each other, life was not always easy, both were children of the depression, but I know this, they love each other. They try and try and try. They raised three children...I, I am ashamed to say, am the only one who is divorced. My sister has been married going on 28 years...her husband dotes on her and treats her like a Goddess. My brother loves his wife and treats her as if she were a Goddess. I somehow, married someone who treated me like I was the maid. I treated him like he was Apollo. Go figure. <P>I think it is too easy a scaped coat to blame our parents for our screwed up lives. We are adults. When we look back at our childhood we look at it through a child's eyes...not an adult. <P>I believe some people are just stinkers, cheats, and not nice people...it has nothing to do with their parents. I concede sometimes your background can influence you, but too many times, people use their poor, abused, or whatever background to blame their short comings. <P>My husband was abusive...verbally and emotionally. His father was too. The first time I met my future inlaws a red flag went up. I ignored it. I should have listened. I do think we send a powerful message to our children when we treat our spouse with disrespect or we take it. When I heard my child talk to me like their dad, I decided to leave my spouse.<BR>

LonelySoul,<P>You were wise, you seen the pattern in that<BR>your spouses parents were abusive, and he was also..you treated him w/ respect..but you didn't get that same respect from him..because to him it wasn't normal..for you<BR>it was..when your child began to show the same behaviors from (learning, hearing, watching) his father treat you w/ disrespect<BR>you left..now had you stayed..how do you <BR>think your child would treat their future spouse?<P>It's not blaming the parents..for our actions<BR>it's realizing that is how you were<BR>taught to treat others..and it's not until<BR>you realize that it's WRONG to treat others<BR>disrepectful can you begin to change..<P>