<br>I haven't been here in a while, busy with the holidays, etc. Things have been a little better, but still not great. Here's my immediate dilemma:<p>My H. has recently started his own business, so money is VERY tight. I am supporting us. Anyway, he has no concept of money, and never has. He has always spent money he didn't have, and his credit is ruined.<p>His new business is a cafeteria. For weeks, I have asked him to bring home food for dinner, since at least we would be able to save money on groceries, dinner, etc., during this financially difficult time. He hasn't brought food home until tonight.<p>Tonight, we got into an argument, and he said that he was going out to get something to eat. This has been a big problem, because he still spends money eating out, when we have groceries here, and we don't need to be spending the money. I asked him not to, but he went out anyway. He didn't even care about our financial situation. He has eaten out every night for about 5 nights this week. <p>Anyway, I thought that since he didn't care how I felt about what he was doing, he was going to do it anyway, maybe I should do the same. <p>His cell phone is in MY name on MY credit report. What if I cancel it tomorrow? He uses it constantly, and we can't afford it. I've begged him to use it less, but he doesn't. Maybe I should just have it turned off. <p>What do you think?

deanne --<p>STOP!!! Been there, done that, it DOES NOT WORK!!! Sounds like you were describing my wife rather than your husband. <p>Shortly after our bankruptcy five years ago I discovered that she was running us back into debt again, and trying to hide the evidence from me. Having a clean start, I was determined to do things right the second time around. But apparently she didn't have the same change-of-heart that I did after suffering the emotional trauma and humiliation of going bankrupt.<p>For the first time in our marriage (about 16 years, at the time), I went and opened my own checking account and told her I would no longer use our joint account. She was furious. She went and opened her own account in retaliation. We then went through several years where neither one of us knew what the other was spending, earning, etc. If I asked her directly, her response was usually "none of your business." No discussion of who paid what bills. <p>So many many problems came out of this. And it all started by me opening my own account. I felt completely justified, but I only made a bad situation worse. Way worse.<p>Wish I had some advice on what you SHOULD do, but I don't. I can only tell you from my own experience what NOT to do. I'm still pulling my hair out, and my wife (soon-to-be "ex") still doesn't have a clue about budgeting and financial management. At least now we have a separation agreement that says she's responsible for any new debt she incurs. But should we reconcile, which is why I'm here at this website like everyone else, I'll still be stuck in the same ol' mud hole. If you figure this out, let me know the secret, okay?<p>After thought: the solution is both of you agreeing to follow the policy of joint agreement. But your husband will probably never agree to that, because it means he'll have to give up his selfish and thoughtless spending habits.<p>Do I sound like you hit a nerve with this? Yep yep yep .

deanne,<p>All I can tell you is that if it was my wife she'd cut the cell phone off in a heart beat and not care how I took it, if I were doing the things you described about your husband.

deanne,<p>My SIL went through this with her H. She had to take the drastic measures of taking over all the money or he would have finacially ruined them. After years of battling through it he finally saw the light and lets her handle it because he can't. It was not an easy thing for either of them to go through though. I wish I had more advice, if it were me I would protect myself at all cost.<p>Steph

deanne,<p>What serendipity says: follow the policy of joint agreement. Do not single-handedly cut off the phone. You should discuss it with him, and come to some sort of agreement on it.<p>Otherwise you're just using a lovebuster to combat a lovebuster. And trust me, that does nothing to improve your marriage.<p>Think of this not as a PROBLEM that your husband has, but as an OPPORTUNITY for your marriage to grow. (And if you're buying that last line, I've got some swampland for you...)<p>:-)