Every time I think I am past the tears something else happens... <P>Can't remember if I posted an update to the situation, but H has supposedly left OW and is living with his other D right now. He has been calling me every day (sometimes several times), has written me a letter (I haven't received it), and always hangs up with "I love you" on the phone. <P>Anyway.. I just got off the phone with him again on another rather emotional call. We have "sort of" talked about getting back together. I have been honest in that I don't know if I can ever trust him again after all of the deceit and lies. I do however think that I want to give myself the chance to find out if I can. He tells me he isn't sure... I have no idea how to translate all of this. Says he loves me, calls several times a day, but doesn't know if he is ready to see me when I am back in town for two days next week. <BR> <BR> Probably a LB, but I told him that he wasn't being fair. He was calling me, giving me some hope, and not letting me have any input in this at all. I feel like my life is back out of control again. Just like I did four months ago when everything hinged on what he wanted. I told him that I at least deserved that much respect. I have no idea if I even still want to be with him. I know that I love him or at least the man that he was. I don't even know if that man still exists. I am caught between Plan A and Plan B.. <P> I feel like I am come so far since this whole thing started and I was back on track with my life until he started all of this. It is too hard to be caught in this limbo forever. I am almost tempted to file in 3 weeks (I will be out of town during the week until then) if nothing happens just so that I can get this over with. Has anyone else experienced this type of situation? When/where do you draw the line? Has the actual divorce been the final straw for anyone? I look at it as closure. Once the papers are signed, then they are signed. At that point he would merely be a part of my past (No kids here).<P> As a note, he tells me that we are "more than friends".. I tell him, "I can't be your "friend" right now- I still look at you as my husband, not someone I want to just watch football with.." <P>

Well here is my .02$ for what its worth..<P>I think he is waiting for you to take control of the situation and make a decision does he come back, or would he be welcome back. Or on the other hand does he change his mind set and start to let go.. <P>My case is somewhat akin to yours. It got to the point were I had to take control. Some of the words you use are identical to the verbage between the STBXW and I. I filed, and gave her a choice. She could come back or set me free. I think it really helped that she knew something was finally going to happen. We were feeling each other out but could never get the words out. So as I said above, I took control and got the words out.. <P>

Remember actions speak louder than words for our stbx. He wants to keep you on a string because he cant imagine life with out a FRIEND. <P>You are quite right you cant be his FRIEND you have too much healing to do.<P>If He wants to get back you have to think is that the best for you. YOU make the decision not him. Dont be afraid to be on your own, that is what he is. At the moment he is just using you.<P>How do I know, my stbx was ringing me 5 times a night for a week but still wanted both woman in his life so I have been there<P>Take care it is time to think what YOU want now.

Perhaps you could work out some ground rules together. Have him come up with some suggestions on how he can demonstrate his trustworthiness. Establish some rules of your own to protect your boundaries. He needs to know that he's got a chance, but that pressuring you will only push you away. You need to take it slow.<BR>

Perhaps you could work out some ground rules together. Have him come up with some suggestions on how he can demonstrate his trustworthiness. Establish some rules of your own to protect your boundaries. He needs to know that he's got a chance, but that pressuring you will only push you away. You need to take it slow.<BR>

Many thanks to all... Well, I just got his letter also.. Right after I posted. In it he says how sorry he is for all that has happened. I called him back after I read the letter (through many tears). I am still bawling for that matter. <P>I do feel sometimes that he is using me, at other times I see the man that I married, concerned and caring.. In the letter he mentioned things that we had done together, damn does it bring back memories.. All good, I see the man that I fell in love with, the man that I married, the man that I committed my life to. <P>The whole trust issue is another thing.. I travel for a living and am gone for most of the time. I know in my heart that I would always wonder what he was doing, etc.. Ergo making his life as miserable as mine.. I just don't know if I even want to give this a chance. I just know I want to be happy again.