Although I have tried what I can to get my H to reconsider this divorce he seems to have made it very clear he wants nothing to do with our marriage. He is constantly staying over at the OW's house and barely comes home. He says he just wants it over with and we should both move on. I can't live like this anymore knowing that everytime he leaves our house he goes to be with her.<P>Now my dilemma, we have a trial date of February 22 rapidly approaching. My lawyer says that we could call the OW as a witness seeing my H seems to be contesting the grounds for divorce (cruel and inhumane treatment). Should I have him do this or would it just be more for my H to hate me for. On one hand I want the OW to pay for what she has done and this would be a consequence of her affair and on the other hand that might make me seem to lower myself to their level? Anyone have anythoughts????

I'm not sure I understand....what is it you think the OW will say that will help your case? Don't you think she would support your H's case.....in other words, she might verify HIS testamony, not yours! He's probably told her (lied to her) already that he wasn't cruel to you, but that YOU "caused" him to flee the marriage (maybe even saying you were cruel to him). So to her, THAT would be the truth, not what the REAL truth is (which only you and he know).<P>Also, I don't see how this "punishes" the OW either....can you explain that?<P>I'm so sorry for you having to go thru this, but please know you're in my prayers.<P>Aloha,<BR>Mrs. O<P>PS I certainly hope you aren't having sex with him when he comes home. Please, please don't do that to yourself...it's like playing with a loaded pistol.<BR>

BC,<P>I don't know what the laws are in your state..but if you can also claim adultry<BR>in your state..then you may be able to have her supenoed in respect to that..saying this<BR>is whom he is having the affair with..I forget the legal terms of it..<BR>And No I don't see where it's lowering yourself..I think its a way to protect yourself..check w/ the lawyer and see if you can add that or he may be using the Cruel and<BR>unusal punishment in lew of the adultry if they can't use adultry..

The reason I would call her as a witness is because my H is supposedly contesting the grounds of cruel and inhumane treatment which is crazy. So my lawyer said we could call the OW to show that it is and the adultery could be entered too. One minute my H says lets get it over with as quick as possible and the next I am told he is contesting the grounds. It is public knowledge that the two of them have a "thing" going on.<P>I am just not sure that it might look like I am the scorned wife and I just want revenge. And the other thing is that she probably would just lie under oath even and say the usual "we're just friends" with a big smile on her face.

Hi bc,<P>Since I know your story (since we e-mail each other regularly), I do suggest that the OW be served with a subpoena (sp?). I can't stand her myself!<P>Why are you so worried about what your H will think? If the "truth" hurts...that's his problem! He knows who is to blame for all of this.<P>IMHO, I think that if you don't do this, you will regret it...only because I know what you have been going through for over a year.<P>And NO...if you do this, you WILL NOT be lowering yourself to her or your H's level.<P>p.s. If the OW does lie, she will be committing perjury in Court!<P><p>[This message has been edited by Survivor [aka_NoTrust] (edited February 10, 2001).]

makes you wonder if she would "lie" under oath I mean...hey if she really loves him..<BR>you'd think she'd want the world to know and not care if it's under oath or not..

Thanks for the replies. I do want to have her supoenaed(yeah I don't know how to spell it either) and I told my lawyer that would be a way to make her squirm a little seeing everything she has done to make me feel so bad. If nothing else I would love to see the look on her face when the guy comes to where she works and serves her. But knowing the likes of her she would tell everyone that his wife just can't let go and she will do everything to make life miserable. Maybe she should look at herself in the mirror and see what she is a person that got involved with a married man and tries to make his wife look like the bad person. Then she would have to take time off work to appear and maybe just maybe she would feel a little pain for what she has done. On the other hand my H will tell me that I am only trying to hold on and that she has nothing to do with it. Well like he always tells me "these things happen don't know why but they do" So the supoena just happened don't know how but it did.<P>What I still can't figure out is who is lying about the contesting the grounds. My H said he isn't his lawyer says he is. Guess that is why a lot of people don't trust lawyers and trust these days is very hard for me.

BC<P>Just make sure your attorney doesn't allow hearsay...<P>What about his alcoholism???<P>BTW: it is spelled ==>subpoena / subpoenaed<P> <P>Jim

Thanks for the spelling lesson. As for hearsay meaning hearsay from her?????? I know that she could sit there and lie but I would think that she wouldn't want to lie under oath but then again why wouldn't she want the world to know he is her man. About his alcoholism, I could have people testify to the fact that he spends most of his time in the bar or drinking in his truck. I would hate to go to that measure but if he wants to play games I will have to.

bc,<P>I haven't read your post for a while.<BR>If I'm not mistaken your H(and OW) denied their affair for a while. If you are going to bring her to the court maybe you should have a solid proof that they are having an affiar(such as pictures).<P>I don't know what's going to happen but obviously your H is totally covered by the fog. For now please take care of yourself, that's the most important thing.<P>Hang in there,<P>Meg