What a day Thursday. I was trying to come to grips with the fact that I would soon be divorced. Right up until the very end our lawyers were trying to come to a settlement but what my H wanted was ridiculous as far as what I would get. Not that I want to take him to the cleaners but I felt I deserved my fair share and he wasn't giving it. So I told my lawyer we would try the case and he said it might go "badly". Now what was this all about? I said badly why what has changed. I thought I had been the one that put up with all this crap with the OW for 17 months begging my H to pay his share of the bills making up the difference when he didn't pay and now it might go "badly" for us. He told me that this judge has been known to not even grant the divorce and that this might happen. I told him I would take my chances. So there we were in the courtroom and I was looking at my H wondering where the man I married went and then the clerk asked if the lawyers would like to talk to the judge before we started and they did. They were in there for 20 minutes while I felt like I could throw up at any minute. Finally they came out and my lawyer said they both got in trouble for some things and the judge was giving us more time. Well the law specifically has a time limit on divorce cases and we were well over that at almost two years so he couldn't adjourn to a later date so he dismissed the case and now we have to refile. My H and I couldn't come to agreement on the value of the house with my appraisal at $120,000 and he had one done at $95,000. Right now on the market the house would sell for probably $140,000. So seeing neither side subpoened their appraisers and we didn't reach an agreement even though they were trying and in a way I think my lawyer wanted me to settle I held out. So now I am back to not even being filed for divorce not to mention not being divorced.<P>Part of me is glad and the other part is upset that this is going to continue. My H has not changed his mind about the divorce and has still been spending his nights at the OW's so I guess he still wants to be with her. But if she had anticipated celebrating Thursday night with a legally divorced man I guess I rained on her parade. Where do I go from here.

Kind of the same thing happened to me, except we never went to court. My petition was dismissed about 15 months after having been filed. He immediately re-filed giving me everything I wanted. He could've saved us both a lot of time and money had he just done that to begin with, but I guess he had to realize that I wasn't going to give in and that it was never going to happen until he did. I don't regret a thing and we are all better off - me, the kids, and him, too.<P>Keep waiting him out if you can. Good luck.

What a frustrating situation. I hate that the courts have so much control over our decision making. I agree that we need them for proper dispute resolution but feel that they rarely operate in that fashion.<P>Another reason to avoid another marriage in the future. The odds are so against second marriages, so if that fails, then I might get stuck in the same situation you are in now. I didn't have a long drawn out divorce. But, from hearing all the stories on this site, I know I am one of the few that didn't have to fight in out in the courts. I'm sorry that you are having to go through all of this. It's hard enough just dealing with the divorce.

bc,<P>Sorry to hear there was no settlement and you are kinda stuck there.<BR>I don't know much about court procedure, but is it possible next time the judge will be different? IF so, maybe you get better deal next time. I'm sorry you are still in the limbo but look at this posibility.<P>Hang in there,<P>Meg

Hi bc,<P>That's just so strange, that a judge would just throw it out completely. Yet, I kind of wish that would have happened in my case. Do you receive any child support or alimony - or any kind of separate maintenance? Does that mean you might not continue to get it now?<P>I guess I always thought you either settle or go to trial - I never heard of this before. Lots of people were praying for you so there must be a reason for this. I hope it works out for you. Take care.<P><P>------------------<BR><BR>Kathy

I guess things happen for a reason not too sure of why this happened. We don't have any kids and I work so there is no support of any kind and that is a problem now seeing my h spends most of his time at the OW's and for two weeks now has given me no money for bills. This has been an ongoing thing where when he does come home I have to beg for money and then of course that makes me out to be the bad one. Now on top of it all last night I found h and the OW out on the town together. I asked him where his truck was and he said the clutch went out of it which I could believe seeing I knew it was bad but he never fixed it. Then tonight he has the next door neighbor tow it home and then leaves again. Then I go outside and see that he wrecked it all down the drivers side. It just goes from bad to worse. I think his drinking is getting the best of him. I don't know what he hit but it looked like a guardrail or something. Hope this is all worth it to him. Next time he could hurt someone or himself but if I say something I will just be the old nag again. Sorry to rant.