What happened to all the humorous postings that used to make me (hopefully others) laugh?<P>I lurk everyday to see if you have posted anything, but haven't seen anything from you (or anyone else)<P>[censored] from Texas

Gee, [censored]. Hi! I haven't heard from you in a long time, and I was kind of wondering how you were doing. It's good to hear from you.<P>I'll tell ya--I think you and I were the only ones who enjoyed my jokes. As a general rule, I think that adding some humor to a sad situation can raise the spirits--after all, if we can't laugh at ourselves, who can we laugh at? I know I find myself funny and enjoy laughing at my little human errors. But usually when I post a joke, I get maybe one response and sometimes people are offended. Hey, I realize some jokes are indicative of a stereotype, yet they are sometimes so close to the truth that they're funny.<P>Anyway, here's one just for you:<P>How to speak about WOMEN and be POLITICALLY CORRECT... <P>She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN. <BR>She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE. <BR>She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE. <BR>She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY. <BR>She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION. <BR>She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED. <BR>She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED. <BR>She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED. <BR>She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED. <BR>She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE. <BR>She is not a TWO BIT WHORE - She is a LOW COST PROVIDER. <BR>------------------------------------------------------------ <P>How to speak about MEN and be POLITICALLY CORRECT... <P>He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY. <BR>He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN. <BR>He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS. <BR>He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION. <BR>He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS. <BR>He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL. <BR>He does not act like a TOTAL [censored] - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION. <BR>He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY. <P> Hope you get a giggle out of this!<P>Your favorite breasted American,<P><BR>CJ<BR><P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

CJ,<BR>I happen to thoroughly enjoy your jokes and don't get offended in the least. I am a firm believer in humor. I am sure that it's hard to believe (with all of my belly aching) but I actually have been known to be a quick wit and have at times made people laugh (and I don't mean at me! ) Anyhow, thanks for the morning chuckle and thanks [censored] for encouraging this kind of "discussion".<P>Petrie

CJ,<BR>You have great timing! You sent that to me in email a while back, and I was trying to find it last night to send to a friend!<P>Smooches,<BR>Dawnetta

CJ - how funny. I just sent that to two people in the office as well as to my sister. Nearly fell out of my chair laughing. I have noticed that no one responds to my jokes either. Not that I have as many of them.<P>Oh, and whoever sent the one about the male stripper and the money and the credit card, I want that one again. I need to develop a joke folder somewhere. Hmmmmmmm.......<P>(Cinderella is still chuckling)

CJ<P>'keep them cards & letters coming' (in other words, please keep posting the humor)<P>Cheers!<P>[censored] from Texas<P>P.S.<P>Here's one you may or may not have heard, but I will post if for others as well.<P>Husband sitting down watching a ball game. Wife comes in an sweetly says, honey would you fix the hall light? He says, do I look like I have G.E. on my forehead?<P>A few minutes later his wife returns and sweetly asks: honey, could you please fix the refrigerator door, it's not sealing tightly. To which her husband remarks, do I look loke I have Westinghouse on my forehead?<P>A few minutes later his wife returns again and sweetly, but sheepishly asks him....honey, the stairs going down to the basement need replacing and the hand rail is rotten. I'm afraid someone will fall through the stairs if they aren't replaced.<P>Her husband jumps off the couch, turns off the TV and angrily remarks......Do I look like I have Home Depot stamped on my forehead? Forget it......I'm going out to the bar to watch the game, after which he leaves and slams the door.<P>As he is sitting at the bar, drinking a beer and watching the game; he begins to feel guilty about the way he talked to and treated his wife, so he gets up to go home to apologize.<P>Upon entering the house, he goes to the refrigerator to get a beer and notices that the door is fixed. He then goes into the hallway and notices the hall light is fixed.<P>With that, he goes to the basement stairs, opens the door and notices a brand new handrail and new steps going down to the basement.<P>About that time his wife comes into the room. He says to her, honey I'm sorry I talked to you that way....I came home to apologize.<P>By the way, he asks her.....I noticed all those things you told me about are fixed, what happened?<P>His wife says, after you left, I went outside to sit on the porch and was crying and sobbing. A nice looking young man came up and asked me what was wrong and I told him.<P>He said he would fix all those things I asked you to fix, if I would either make love to him or bake him a cake.<P>With that the husband remarks, well; what kind of cake did you bake him?<P>The wife gets right in his face and sarcastically remarks:<P>"Do I look like I have Betty Crocker stamped on my forehead?"<P><BR>

CJ, <P>I too love your stuff. As usual, you have reminded me of something.<P>A man comes walking into a bar. He has a fat lip, a broken nose and two black eyes. The bartender says, "What happened to you? The guy replies, "I was arguing with my girlfriend and I called her a two bit whore and she hit me in the face with a bag of quarters."<P>Bumper

You guys are too funny! I love those! <P> <P><BR>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

I saw this forum and thought I would check it out. Since I am not sure what day to day brings (divorcing or surviving an affair)but I got a kick out of the jokes. I thought I would share one as well. <BR> A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of<BR>going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.<BR> <BR>When He finally appeared at home, Sunday Night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply <BR>said to him "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"<BR> <BR>To which he replied. "That would be fine with me."<BR> <BR>Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.<BR> <BR>Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.<P>