So I am not a frequent MB'er any more. I have been striking out on my own to pull my life together. Been doing a darn good job of it. I am seeing my STBX for the first time today after 5 months of separation. He is here to take his stuff. Things are going fine I am strong and because of that he is strong. I believe if I showed any interest in being sad, today would not be going so smoothly. <P>Just to recap. He is the one who left, who had the affair, (not in this order) who wouldn't call respond to correspondence, etc and then I had to ask him what was going on and he said he wanted to divorce that he shouldn't be married. <P>Today he rings my door bell and is wearing his wedding ring. I stopped wearing mine months ago. <P>Don't get me wrong I am moving on with my life. This is my home now not ours and after tomorrow we will never have to see each other again, especially since when he left he went 3K miles away. (can I scare them off or what )<P>What is the wedding ring all about? I have now suspicions that this may not have been the first or only inappropriate relationship/affair.<P>Just pondering and somewhat venting.

cpickel,<P>Good to hear from you again.<P>Are you in a "formal"/"informal" Plan B?<BR>Any filings/court dates for the divorce?<P>It's sounds like your stronger than ever. <P>You have my prayers.<P> <P>Jim

Hi cpickel,<P>good to see you? I'm so glad you're feeling strong and good. Isn't that the best feeling.<P>Just a question. Why do you think that he may have had other affairs/relationships because he wore his wedding ring today? I don't get that bit. Sorry to be dim.<P>It's amazing how we react dictates how they react. It's the same with my ex. If I'm in a bit of a mood, (could be absolutely nothing to do with him), he is then in one too. Makes a bad situation worse doens't it.? Luckily I don't have to see him too often, and when I do, it's usually just to hand over the children.<P>I'm glad you're still lurking and doing well.<P>Big hugs<P>Jo

Sorry to have disappeared on you both. I really appreciate your response. I am plan B'ing it, but no real reason to. It's over he lives 3K miles away...it's not hard. <P>It is funny to all of you having problems. People have noticed that this albatross (not my STBX specifically) has been removed. I am my once normal sense. Glad to be back. <P>I was really sad for my STBX, we sat in the yard, when he was done packing the other night (I had done all the packing for him, so there would be no weird rummaging through my house and him leaving stuff for me to deal with) so his packing lasted not too long) I offered to order pizza and we had an odd number of wine once we did the split and decided to drink it. Looking at this man, I realized that he had changed significantly, and now I wasn't looking at him with rose colored glasses or to try and save my marriage I just sat and listened the few times I tried to speak he would cut in and tell me more about what he was doing or one up me. I decided that it just wasn't that important, that I should just spend the time with him, it was going to be the last hours I ever see him again (we have no kids and live in opposite coasts, his family is on his coast, mine on mine). It was truly theraputic. Yes I have changed since our marriage, but I firmly believe that when I wake up 5, 10, 20 years from now I will have no regrets about being married or trying to save my marriage to him, (things were ugly last year, but it was an ugly situation) I believe that if he ever deals with his stuff (emotional stuff, he brings to the table a lot of baggage) it will be hard for him.<P>Sorry about the vague reference about other affairs. I was just rambling and I had drawn the parallel that he is the one who wouldn't work on the marriage, had the inappropriate relationships and said he shouldn't be married, yet walks into my house with his ring on...what's that all about? But it isn't important and I didn't ask him about it. He can play his game. But meanwhile, I am moving on.<P>I will continue to lurk, but it is amazing how your spirit soars and you start noticing the sun and the flowers that life is going on once you let yourself make the decision you need to about your marriage. I am not a fan of divorce, in fact I still don't believe in it. But you know I don't believe in living your life in limbo like I was either. I called his bluff and the divorce is going through.<P>Take care all of you...and I will be checking in from time to time.

cpickle<P>Good to hear from you. I am so glad that you are doing so well. Sounds as if you have found peace, happiness, & contentment, what more can one ask for? :

Well, it may not mean much of anything that he wears the ring. <P>OTOH, it may mean that he still feels a connection to you ... wants a connection to you; but feels you were smothering and demanding, and when he fought for some "space" then <I>you</I> decided the marriage was ruined.<P>That's a little hard for you to empathize with, I understand. 3,000 miles is <I>a lot</I> of space. If someone wants that much space, why be married in the first place? But it may be exactly his thinking. Or not too far off the mark in any case.