My tax returns were much simpler to complete than they've been for quite a few years. And I'll be getting a little bit back, in contrast to the big payments I've had to make the last couple of years. But I'm having a hard time bringing myself to actually file those returns...<P>I offered to pay my wife's taxes if she agreed to file jointly. I sent her a letter directly, and my lawyer sent her lawyer a letter. I <I>warned</I> her that I would be claiming all the estimated tax payments for myself if I didn't hear from her, since I had no way of knowing what she would be doing with her taxes and I wasn't about to let those payments go to waste.<P>I just feel so...selfish. It doesn't seem right that I should get money back while my wife has to pay. And I can't imagine that my wife will find (or will have found) preparing her taxes to be a smooth or pleasant experience. I <I>know</I> there are questions that she wouldn't know how to answer, and that she probably wouldn't even think to ask. It's hard to face the fact that I just can't help.<P>How is it that my wife thinks nothing of using the courts to extort from me what I do not have the wherewithal to give (from him who has already given much, of him much more shall be required, even more than he hath), but she will not accept those things I offer her freely? Is it that she doesn't want to feel beholden? "No, I will not accept your gift, for then I would be obligated to give you something in return. Oh, by the way, this is a stick-up. Hand everything over."<P>Perhaps I am over-analyzing. I learned recently that my wife has been, shall we say, not entirely forthcoming about her income in the legal documents she has provided. Perhaps she felt that the extra cost and trouble associated with filing her taxes separately would be worth keeping me from finding out where she works. (I don't think she's really trying to hide her income. I think she's afraid that I will make trouble for her on the job.) If that's what's going on, it's a pity that she took on all that cost and trouble for nothing, since her secret is already out. (It really wasn't realistic for her to think that she could keep it a secret forever, if that's actually what she was trying to do.)<P>Then again, I'm probably <I>still</I> over-analyzing. The simplest explanation is probably the real one: she will pay <I>any</I> price to avoid having any kind of interaction with me.<BR>

And perhaps your wife is like my husband.<P>He'll attribute all kinds of whacky motivations to my words and actions - and when I sit down to think about it, it's simple.<P>In *my* shoes, the motivations he attributes to me are the ones he'd have.<P>So maybe she just thinks you are the person she is. And she's avoiding you because if SHE was you, she'd be doing things that SHE as herself, wants to avoid.<P>LOL, ok, did I make that confusing enough? <P>My mother always said that people rarely accuse others of motivations that we aren't guilty of ourselves.<P>THATS all I was tryin to say. I think.<P>Ok I'll shut up now.<P>--BR<P>

No, BrambleRose, you didn't make that confusing enough. I understood it. But I don't think that's what's going on. I don't think she's expecting me to act like <I>she</I> would act; I think she's expecting me to act like <I>her father</I> would act.<P>Then again, one of her brothers told me once that of all three siblings, my wife was the one most like their father. And after thinking about it, I realized that he was right.<P>But the <I>main</I> reason my wife is avoiding me, I think, is that she has constructed a fantasy world to hide from herself in, and she is avoiding <I>everything</I> that might burst the illusion. I've been cast as the Evil Wizard, responsible for all her problems, and frankly I don't fit the part very well. It's more convincing if I'm kept ominously off-screen where I won't have the chance to flub my lines.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by GnomeDePlume (edited April 10, 2001).]