Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 2 1 2
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 196
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 196
Latest words from OW to co-workers (one of whom is my friend and OW doesn't know it):<P>"I am so "blessed" to have found my bf/fiancee [MY stbx], God brought us together...God helped me to find him...we are soulmates who were destined to be together for our sakes and our childrens'."<P>Gag [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] ugh ick yuck.<P>Last time I checked, God didn't use adultery for this purpose...or maybe I misinterpreted that whole 10 commandments thing....<P>grrrrrrr.<P>Lisa

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 852
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 852
I know what you can give them for a wedding present- a needlepoint of Proverbs chapters 5,6,and 7. Also Matthew 19 and Malachi chapter 2.Gosh thats so many, better get started now!! Dont spend too much on the frames either- you know the statisics of affairrees marrying each other then divorcing- not worth real oak wood if you ask me.lifeismessy

Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 448
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 448
Lisa,<P>Whoa!<P>Talk about fog!!!!! I wonder sometimes if that is what my STBXH and OW are thinking. How dare she bring the Lord into something so despicable as an affair and the aftermath. I sat with my Pastor many times, and one thing I had to know, will the Lord ever bless that relationship-he said no.<P>I forgive my husband and I don't even hate the OW. The OW in my case has been married twice and this is the second marriage she has broken up. Sometimes people will go ahead and do things that make them feel good for the moment, not even bothering to consider anything or anyone that gets in their way. And in order to make it okay with themselves they must justify it by, in this case-bringing the Lord into it. Oh please!!!!!!!!!!!!!! gag, ugh ick yuck-(couldn't have said it better myself [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] )<P><BR>Take care,<BR>Petrie grrrrrrrrrrr [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>

Joined: Feb 1999
Posts: 1,232
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Feb 1999
Posts: 1,232
Well, Petrie, I have to disagree with you that God won't bless a 2nd marriage ..... God forgives ... yes, even adultery and divorce ... and can even USE those broken vessels ...<P>I've seen it happen ... I am glad He doesn't hold our sins against us like we humans like to do. People can be changed and transformed.<P>

Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 6,107
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 6,107
Quickly:<B> MAYA</B>!!!! Email me at nbeginning@yahoo.com I want to talk to you!!!! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P><B>soon2b_alone</B>,<P>Yep, understand what you're saying... my ex's OW#2 brought her GREAT BIG Bible with her when she met me. "He (as in my ex) loves us BOTH," she said.<P>Blech, and double blech.<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck

Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 448
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 448
Maya,<BR>Yes, I was wrong to say that God won't bless a new marriage. He will, as long as those are truly repentant. God forgives and am so thankful that he does, for I have needed it on many an occasion myself. <P>Forgive my angry outburst<BR>My stbxh has been quite cruel to me lately and therefore I just don't want to believe that that relationship will be blessed (at this time anyway). <P>Sorry,<BR>Petrie

Joined: Feb 1999
Posts: 1,232
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Feb 1999
Posts: 1,232
It's not an easy road ..... I know that without having been thru it ... you see, I was the cheater in our marriage ...<P>God IS good though .... somedays I just don't feel it.<P>Take care .... best wishes ....

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 217
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 217
Lisa, <BR>I know what you mean, my wife has given me that same God speak. She doesnt even go to church(lighting would strike her [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] ). She told me "God has shown me the path" Yeah right like God wants people to marry just so the can get divorced. Then the "It must be fate(God) that want me and the OM to be together".. I told her "ok let me get this straight, you think that you both were meant to be together?, then tell me why are you and me married and why is he married? dont you think if God meant for you to be with him you would have been with each other before you got married to others?".... classic<BR>Dont worry God will inform them with his own way not to speak for him.<P>------------------<BR>Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.

Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 1,148
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 1,148
Wow, he must be quite a catch, if he's got God setting him up like that. I didn't know the Almighty ran a dating service. Where do I sign up? [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>You know, I'm sure she feels that way, but I suspect once the newness wears off (and it does, if you <B>let</B> it) some of the luster will fade. I wonder if she'll still be as thankful to the Lord a couple of years down the road (if it makes it that far) when she find's out her flame is just like the rest of us men [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] Besides, what if the Lord finds him someone better than her in the future. Will she feel as "blessed" then?<P>While God may bless a new marriage, he's not really the one who makes it work, the two people in it do. A track record of cheating and abandonment is not my idea of good prospect for a successfull marriage, divine blessings or not. Sorry, just my $.02<P><P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again

Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 8,079
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 8,079
I was the WS..and I know that God brought the OM into my life for a reason..although..it wasn't to have an "AFFAIR" with him..but to learn somethings I needed to learn..and for him to learn some things he needed to learn..<P>I was the one who took the relationship out of God's Will<BR>for the relationship..and put MY will first..I'm very thankful that God brought this OM into my life for me to learn the life lessons I needed to learn..he and I are no longer together..which is okay..because knowing him..actually made me understand more about myself..and the needs I have and never realized I had..and looking back to where I was emotionally two years ago when he and I met..if it wouldn't have been him..it would have been someone else..<BR>and I don't know that I would have grown the way that I have. And yes..this even being a Christian..I struggled all the time with my relationship with this man..and confessed to christian friends..who counseled me to END the relationship..we'd talk..we'd end it..we'd see each other and start talking..and thats what I needed most..was the talking..the sharing..learning to have that intimate relationship..and NOT be condemned and judged guilty for my past mistakes by someone I was emotionally close to..I learned to say NO, and not be made to feel guilty..for not wanting to do what they wanted..things I should have learned years ago..in my FOO and didn't..I was never made to feel that I owed this man anything just because he did something nice for me..but like I said...taking the relationship to the Affair level was my will, not Gods..and this man has also stated to a family friend..that it was his fault..he should have stopped it..from going that far..he also stated<BR>that no, the friendship wasn't a mistake..but the affair shouldn't have happened..we both grew alot and learned alot..both about relationships with other people..and about God..and His love..I miss the friendship I had with this man more than anything..I miss the long talks..but I also know<BR>that I can't have that with him..and that hurts..it's something I've always needed and never knew it..it's the same thing I ran from...because I was afraid I'd never have it..I was afraid of love..and allowing myself to be that open and connected to someone because everytime in my past even w/ my stbxh I was judged, found guilty and condemned for my past..so he taught me how to truely love someone..and taught me that I am capable of having that..<P>I know I should have sought that w/ my stbxh..and even in the past year I have tried..but he is still condemning me for things that happened before we were married even before we were engaged to be married..and now he also condemns me for this affair..I have truely learned why it is necessary to be equally yoked with the person you marry..to live in daily condemnation is like living with the devil himself..<BR>and it really is no fun..the devil wants us to live in the guilt and shame of our past mistakes..he wants us to wollow in that..and sometimes he uses others to continually remind us of those things..but God..is a forgiving God..and wants us to confess and repent..and to forgive ourselves..so that we may truely be free in Him..<P>and even knowing this..I still try w/ my stbxh..but I ask myself..can I continue living with someone who so openly condemns me? I don't think so..but I am still waiting on that miracle..that God will reach down and touch this mans heart..and teach him some of the things I have learned in the past two years..and maybe even teach me to love him..something I can look back and honestly say...I have never done..I can look back and say I have never loved this man..not even before we married..someone said that the OP said "GOD brought us together" thats what my stbxh used to say..and used to say that "God said he was supposed to marry <BR>me" but I wasn't a mature enough Christian at that time..to <BR>know that God would have told me that too...if it were HIS WILL!!! And all I felt was RUNNNNNNNN!!!! But was afraid too..I tried to end it a few times..but would be manipulated back into it..by him using my daughter..and his love for her..but I still pray that maybe God can use this mess I can call my life for His glory..and make a marriage of something that never was to begin with...<P>And one more thing..OM and I had mutual friends years ago, that we could have met back then had I ended this relationship years<BR>ago like I tried to do..when neither one of us were married..<p>[This message has been edited by ThornedRose (edited April 23, 2001).]

Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 3,454
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 3,454
It used to be: The devil made me do it!!! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>I guess God is a more respectable "reason" these days!

Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 95
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 95
Didn't God write a rule book that addressed covetness and adultry? I can not recall the outclauses.<P>Dear Rose,<BR>He also addressed forgiveness, many many times. Yours was a very heart felt response. Thanks. All WSs are not 100 percent the same. My first marriage was not based on love but brainwashing. Perhaps this was your case. Am sure you will not find any BS here who will accept the A as an option. Think we all come from the same place, if you can't fix it, don't be a coward. Leave first, then find another. I'm the BS. Wish the OW had half your values.<P>You sound so sad. God is good and He will forgive. Remember, God makes everything work for the good of those who love him.<P>

Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 845
O
Member
Offline
Member
O
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 845
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by ThornedRose:<BR>[B]I know I should have sought that w/ my stbxh..and even in the past year I have tried..but he is still condemning me for things that happened before we were married even before we were engaged to be married..and now he also condemns me for this affair..I have truely learned why it is necessary to be equally yoked with the person you marry..to live in daily condemnation is like living with the devil himself..and it really is no fun..the devil wants us to live in the guilt and shame of our past mistakes..he wants us to wollow in that..and sometimes he uses others to continually remind us of those things..but God..is a forgiving God..and wants us to confess and repent..and to forgive ourselves..so that we may truely be free in Him..<P>and even knowing this..I still try w/ my stbxh..but I ask myself..can I continue living with someone who so openly condemns me? I don't think so..but I am still waiting on that miracle..that God will reach down and touch this mans heart..and teach him some of the things I have learned in the past two years..[B]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>This is powerful... I thank you for taking the time to share this. I'm in a similar situation with an unforgiving H who condemns me from the get-go. Though I haven't totally entertained the thought but I can see where an affair would be so easy to fall into... especially with another Christian godly man! I know it's not worth it and pray that God will keep the temptation FAR from me as that would only complicate things tremendously.<P>I do want to try with my H, and I too pray for that divine hand to reach into H's heart... but maybe God is... and this is the result of that. I try not to play out the condemnation too much - and learn to live in TRUST of God and NOT my circumstances.<P>Soon2b_alone... gosh must be so hard to hear about the words of the OW... that would definitely be my END!<P>------------------<BR>We cannot do everything at once... but we can do something at once

Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 448
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 448
I have spoken with the OW in my case, several times. I listened to her and she listened to me. Never once did I condemn her or elevate myself. The OW in my case has had prior experience with affairs. She had an affair with her ex-husband, he left his wife and two children. He then left her to go back to his family (after marrying her and getting her pregnant), by the way that was her #2 marriage. So, she can understand the pain that she and my husband have inflicted upon me. She knowingly inflicted this on me. When we were talking, I really did try to put myself in her shoes. My husband swept her off her feet, would I be able to resist?????<P>I guess that is why part of me wants to think that a relationship born out of such pain, despair, lying, cheating, can't be sanctified. <P>I gave my husband no reason to stray (not that there ever is a reason). He just one day made up his mind that someone else was his soul mate. So at the expense of anothers heart he and she went after this. I'm still trying to understand it all. I probably never will. <P>I'm just expressing myself from my own stand point. I can see and even understand the plights of others here (from all sides). <P>I don't hate the other woman in my case, and I forgive my husband, and I cannot judge either one. Just hurt very deeply.<P><BR>

Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 553
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 553
It's the same logic Amy Grant used to divorce Gary Chapman and marry Vince Gill...."God has <I>released</I> me from my first marriage."<P>EXCUUUUUUUUUSE ME!!<P>What a bunch of bullpucky!!<P>Aloha,<BR>Mrs.O<P>PS I also believe God can bless a marriage that started as an affair, <B>IF</B> the two parties are truly repentant, and <B>IF</B> neither of the people's ex's are still single. If they are, all attempts at reconciliation should be made with the first spouse, or it will again be adultry. In other words, repentance means turning 180 degrees from their actions (i.e. the next marriage).<BR>

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 5,924
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 5,924
Just today, i got the "god works in mysterious ways" phrase thrown at me when I didn't do something that X thought i should do for her. She wants the D, and I always disappoint her for not doing something I should do, just because of something she did in the past.<P> [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] <P>I dislike people who use God as an excuse to do something, especially when it is just to give themselves permission to do something selfish.<P><BR>

Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 483
2
Member
Offline
Member
2
Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 483
soon2b_alone,<P>Take such comments for what they are - the worst kind of self justifying, Christian voodoo. It is immature determinism of the worst sort ("Gee, if it happened it must be because God wanted it to"). <P>It's all part of the fog and the inability (hopefully temporary) of the WS to accept responsibility for their sinful actions. And however forgiving He may be, I don't think God appreciates being made an accomplice in such matters.<P>So don't put too much emphasis on these statements. They are simply evidence of a sad, misguided soul. And, if you don't mind me saying so.... kinda funny in a pathetic way. You know, how screwed up would someone have to be to see the world this way? <P>Keep your chin up!

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 5,924
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 5,924
Hey Lisa,<P>just out of curiosity: <P>in the Myers-Briggs temperment type, does your H's type contain an S and an F?<P>BTW, you studdette athlete! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] playing competitive sports with babies: kids half your age! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>I played indoor soccer on a team of all 20 somethings just out of college, and man, did it hurt: the brain for bringing back memories of the good old days, and the body for trying to keep up with the brain (which doesn't age very fast at all!)<P>

Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 196
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 196
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by WhenIfindthetime:<BR><B>Hey Lisa,<P>just out of curiosity: <P>in the Myers-Briggs temperment type, does your H's type contain an S and an F?<P>BTW, you studdette athlete! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] playing competitive sports with babies: kids half your age! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P><BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Wifty,<P>I don't know my Meyers-Briggs that well...what's the S and F stand for? I can come up with my own definitions but that involves swear words [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com].<P>Yep, I'm standing tall with the youngsters on the v-ball court...paying for it with SOOOORRRE muscles the next day...my pride even hurts a little today [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Lisa<P>

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 5,924
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 5,924
answer the 4 questions on this page:<P>for you, and your X:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.personalitytype.com/quiz" TARGET=_blank>www.personalitytype.com/quiz</A> <BR>

Page 1 of 2 1 2

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
2 members (2 invisible), 33 guests, and 49 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Almak, A3W, OnTheRocks, Alise245, CVT
71,702 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,537
Posts2,322,697
Members71,702
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5