Well, H had the kids since thurs until sun eve. took them to family summer house, but guess who else went. Whore #2 and her 3 kids and whore's friend and her two kids. I know the friend came along for "cover" What an absolute pig. He is acting like a pig, he is a pig and I am sorry, fog or no fog, I need to treat him like a pig. The fog doesn't excuse thier behavior. How he can tell me 3 nights prior to taking his whore to the summer place, that I need to do what is in the best interest of the kids, I want to say, Hey, Pig. F*** you. You are a manipulative, controlling person and I never realized it. Part of me wants you to just go away. Don't come back. Go live with your new family and friends. I don't like you.<P>He hasn't called to tell me he spoke to his atty yet. did you ever get to the point where you love them, hate them and then if they did want back, you really have to wonder Do I WANT THEM Back. Today, at this moment, I am not so sure.<P>I have dreamed about buying a new house for me and the kids. My own house. Not our house. I also met a guy and was dreaming about S@x but we didn't "do it" Just led up to. I guess I need some loving now. Just some kissing and hugging would suffice now but I get hugs from kids but no smooches.<P>Do you ever look at spouse and say I don't like you and now that I look back, you have always acted this way only I didn't really notice or care and now I do notice that you are they way you have always been and go ridance. <P>Maybe I am trying to make myself feel better, I don't know. I do feel that H has some serious issues if he had an A, and then picked up another while still getting rid of W and OW #1. How can that be? How can he feel good about himself. He is a pig.<P>Hopelessmom

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Do you ever look at spouse and say I don't like you and now that I look back, you have always acted this way only I didn't really notice or care and now I do notice that you are they way you have always been and go ridance.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>All the darn time. I knew shortly after we got together what I was in for. But she was young and I thought she could change. And then when the kids came it was important to maintain an intact family. Now I think that I need to keep the children away from her as much as possible because I don't want them exposed to her irresponsibility.<P> <P>

oh boy,<P>can I relate to this sometimes.<P>He (my ex-h) also says that he is only interested in what is right for our children, but guess what, what he does is what is right for HIM. And him only. The children have to fit into his new life, not the other way around. They have to fit into his new friends, and his new gf. And his argument for this is 'don't I deserve to have a life, don't I deserve to be happy'.<P>Of course he does, but not at the expense of my children.<P>But of course he can't see that. When I say anything along these lines, I'm not letting go, I'm being unreasonable yada yada yada.......<P>I have also realised that I have to let go of some of my anger. And the feelings of 'it's not fair'. I have been working on this over the last 4 -5 months because as my mother says, it will kill me otherwise.<P>I have to hang on to the fact that he does love them, would never harm them and is trying to do his best. It's just that his best and my best don't coincide or agree.!!!<P>That was a big vent you just had, I hope you feel lots better for it. We have to do that sometimes don't we? Keeps us sane. It was awful what he did, but from my experience, he'll keep on doing it. They just don't see what they are doing. As long as it's right for them, they think it's right for everyone.<P>We're here for you and I'm sending a big hug for you<P>take care<BR>Jo

Hopemom,<P>I just had a big old vent over the weekend. All of this is so stressful. Glad we have somewhere to get it out. I can sense your frustration.<P>Hang in there. WE are here for you anytime.<P>Take Care.

Mine is the pig of all pigs too....

<BR>Boy, I'm being able to relate with these postings. Especially with Jo (Bonnet).<P>After encouraging our daughter to talk to him and helping him to work on opening up to her --- he ignored her feelings, just as he's ignored mine.<P>Now she's afraid to talk to him again and she is again starting to tell me all sorts of stuff because she wants me to do the talking for her.<P>And he won't listen. He doesn't care. He wants his way and doesn't want to be responsible for anyone else......or how his actions affect others. He comes up with excuses --- always excuses.<P>You know, it's pretty sad when I have to call stbxh's Daddy in order to get him to do what his attorney couldn't even get him to do.<P>Person here at work saw him the other day and said that he looked horrible. Comments from other's about that? "Good." <P>On the other hand, they say that I'm looking better than I've looked in a long time. That getting away from him agrees with me.<BR>Scary.<P>Would I still take him back? I laid out a list of what he'd have to do if he were to return. The list still stands.<P>~Amy

Okay it's my turn. Here I go:<P>My wife is the biggest pig of them all and I really want to hate her but I still love her .<P>I'm getting closer maybe someday soon I can say the same .<P>Bill

I relate...I relate...I relate...and I just got the letter from the court stating the judge relates also...this clause is in my court-ordered parenting plan:<P>Neither parent is to have a love-interest sleepover at the home when the children are in residence for a period of at least 6 months following the date this decree is made final. This is in the best interest of the children to allow them time to emotionally adjust to the divorce and dating life of their parents.<P>It is my exact wording - judge didn't change a thing despite all of stbx's whining in court about me trying to "control" his life even in divorce...I think to myself "not trying to control YOUR life, you idiot, trying to limit the emotional harm you are inflicting on our children because you are a self-centered egotistical b*st*rd cheater...."<P>Vent <P>Have a good day.<P>Lisa

Lisa, How did you get that clause in? I was told that I wasn't able to stop H from doing whatever he wants with kids. He is on his #2 OW and he lives with her now and takes the kids there on weekends. He tells me it is a good family enviornment LOL LOL <P>What is with these WS thinking that it is in the best interest of the kids to have them move out of their home to go visit M or D and have some new person there. They are 09900959 up.<P>Hopelessmom

In the parenting plans in the state of Washington there is a place for "other provisions."<P>I listed out about 6...things like:<P>To avoid perpetuating conflict, no 3rd parties (i.e. bimbo) should be present/participate in the exchange of children without mutual agreement.<P>When taking the children out of town, a basic itinerary (hotel) and phone number will be provided to the other parent.<P>The no-sleepover clause, etc.<P>My stbx, of course, wouldn't sign with these clauses in there so we went to court. The guiding factor in all custody issue disputes is "best interest of the child" and overwhelming amounts of literature/experts support limiting the "new relationship" exposure to children. I pointed this out...stbx tried to argue his right to have sex with whomever he wanted, whenever he wanted basically as long as the bedroom door was shut.<P>The judge didn't buy it at all. It was not in the best interest of my kids. So he let the clause stand as written. It's very difficult for someone to argue their right to expose their newly divorce children to pre-marital sex with a stranger (as far as the kids are concerned) as being in the children's best interest.<P>My lawyer was even a little surprised it went through - not because the request was unreasonable, but he said, most people just don't ask for something like that (because they don't want to hamper their own dating love life). THAT was not my concern - my kids' emotional adjustment was.<P>On a side note, the judge scratched the "no 3rd party" clause...apparently the mistress does have rights to ride along with my stbx when bringing the kids to my house...but if she ever steps foot on my property...it's a whole different ballgame (can we say "restraining order"?)<P>Good luck<P>Lisa

We don't have the option to put that kind of clause in, here in the commonwealth, and since she's been seeing the guy for a couple of years now, I'm not sure of the utility anyway.<P>Interestingly, my son told her he didn't like all the time she spent with the OP, and her response was "tough". That's what led him to ask me not to date until the divorce is finished.<P>I really think it's wise not to expose the child to another person for awhile. We talk a lot in here about how long it takes "us" to heal, but it takes the kids awhile too. I can only hope that if I find someone and fall in love again, that I have the strength to take it slowly and let my son adjust. <P>Darn, just when I thought I had this thing figured out, it goes & gets complicated again <P><P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again