Hi all,<P>Let me try to get through this without tears (especially since I am at work)... As of 10:00am yesterday morning, I am officially divorced. Being that her father is an attorney, and the lawyer she was using has good ties to the court (and the fact that we live in a "smalltown" mentality area - not what you know but who), she was able to push the divorce through 3 weeks early.<P>She came back into town last week. Before she even arrived her lawyer was putting pressure on me to let her into our house to get the rest of her property. Well their timing was just terrible. In any case, I once again gave in - On this past Monday night, I left the house open and allowed her to come in. I left work and went to workout (knew I would need to get some exercise in) then went home. She was there with a friend of the family (who just happens to be a cop - what did they think I was going to do? Amazing). Anyways as we were waiting for the movers, we had a chance to sit and talk. I asked very few questions about her, while she asked quite a few about me, my family and my friends.<P>The crazy thing was that as we were talking it felt like I had just gotten home from work and she was making dinner... I kept thinking to myself "now why is it we are getting divorced?". But I never said it out loud. I told her that I was upset with the way this was happening and that I did not have the time for this, this week, BUT I once again made an acception for her. She thanked me and said she was sorry. <P>You guys would have been so proud of me - Not only did I not get emotional, I helped! I brought things downstairs for her, I asked her if she wanted other items she had not requested. I even told her earlier in the day that she could bring over her mom and dad and whoever else she wanted to help - AND I meant it. I have been praying hard for the past several days for strength and wisdom and I know it paid off.<BR>I did not even try and talk about "us".<P>As she was leaving she asked "what time do we have to be there tomorrow?" almost as if we were having a lunch date. Absolutely amazing. So casual.... like it was just another thing she had on her "things to do list".<P>Yesterday morning was tough. Would you believe that our wedding song came on the radio, as I was about to walk out the door (Garth Brooks - She's Every Woman (?)) - they never play it on the radio, but there it was! But God came through again and I held back the tears - the eyes welled up, but nothing fell - I kept praying for composure, composure, composure... I even shook the hand of her attorney and held the door for him and everyone else. I smiled and was gracious to all.<P>A glimmer of the woman I once knew did show through... The night before I gave her the TV out of our bedroom because I knew she did not have one yet in her new place. I didn't have the money to replace it, but I figured I would rather she take it. Well in court she told me that she took a few things by mistake and they were in her car. Including the TV which she thought about and figured it would be too difficult to transport, so she wanted me to have it.<P>Somehow my attorney got the judge to allow us to leave in the middle of the divorce (I guess since it was uncontested, once I answered the questions there was no need for me to be there). I went home, changed my clothes and waited. She arrived about 45 minutes later. We went no further than the foyer - I went out to her SUV and grabbed the TV and came back in - our dog (I guess my dog now) was sitting next to her. I took him from her and then I felt it start - the tears, the sadness, like a huge tidal wave was approaching. She thanked me for handling this so well and for not making it a hard situation. We hugged tightly and then she took a step back. I told her that I wished her well and my tears began falling. She hugged me again and then began to walk out the door. She turned on the front step as if not knowing what to do or say.<P>All I could say was: "Amanda, I'll always miss you"... then with that I turned and walked away leaving her standing there. Part of me so wanted her to come back inside and hold me, but the other part of me knew there was no way that would happen. She drove off with her customary three beeps as she road away.<P>I spent the rest of the day on the boardwalk (the nice part about living at the shore). I figured that I must have walked about 5 miles - taking a few breaks sitting and watching all the people. Seeing the couples with their children, seeing the older men and women sitting together. But the salt air and the sun helped fill the void in my heart, if only for the afternoon.<P>That is all for now, later on maybe today I will post the question, "where do I go from here? Spiritually and emotionally?"<P>Thanks for listening/reading...<BR>God Bless us all,<P>Mike<P>------------------<BR>God always waits for the right time to do the right thing in the right way.

Join the club. I have been trying to answer that question to myself for 4 years now. It's not an easy street to walk down but somehow we tend to survive by concentrating on ourselves. <BR> Bad thing for me is that X is somewhat back in my life now that her second marriage has failed. I am still trying to figure out if what I'm doing is right but I am leaving that in God's hands.

Mike,<P>Thank you so much for sharing your story today. I've been consumed with self pity and anger today. Your story brought me back down to earth. I shed some tears for you and I'll keep you in my prayers. <P>I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but here's a "long distance tight ((((HUG)))) with a couple of pats on the back.<P>God Speed,<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by SoTired2000:<BR><B><BR>"where do I go from here? ..."<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>You will go on.<P>I know how hard this has been for you Mike. This chapter in your life has come to a close, and a new one is opening in front of you. The story hasn't taken the turn you had hoped for, but that doesn't mean you won't get the happy ending you deserve.<P>Take care...<P><P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again

I am SO SORRY for your pain

Mike,<BR>I have a suggestion. Their are so many books out there on fixing your marriage and keeping your spouse from cheating.<BR>Surviving an Affair is a really great book for that one of the best i have read. But....what do you do if your relationship seems to be over. Find a book that is about you! A book that will help you, not the relationship.<P>Get this book it is great(no i dont work for the company).<P>Rebuilding-When your relationship Ends..<BR>by Dr. Bruce Fisher and Dr. Robert Alberti<P>It may help you work thur the feelings your having. give it a try.<P>------------------<BR>Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.

(((((ST2000))))),<P>The answers will come from "above" and from "within you" in their own time. You ARE thought of today! <P>I'm so very, very sorry for your pain! It must be awful! It probably won't do you much good to "read" this right now, but your pain will ease, over time. No, you will still have your memories, no one can take those from you, the good and the bad. Maybe some day you'll understand your unanswered prayers. Give that ol' puppy dog of yours a big ol' hug and keep holding on! Pets are always there, always listen, always loyal.<P>Keep that karma positive, it won't let you down.<P>Ragamuffin<P>

Mike,<P> The Rebuilding book that BioMan mentioned is really good. It is the only thing I've read that helps address the issues for the leavees - I will be joining the finalized divorce club next week and am a little panicked myself about how I will cope with the day. In Washington only one party has to appear in court, I am not going to be the one.<P>A good friend said to me just the other day: This is going to be OK, I promise. Now, I'm saying it to you.<P>Hang in there, time does heal...<P>Lisa

((((((((((SoTired)))))))))))<P>Your inner strength is amazing. There will be better days ahead. We must believe that and make it happen!!! <P>Take Care.

Sotired,<P>I am right behind you (my divorce will be final on Monday) I completely understand your pain and I'm sorry that you have to go through this. From your posts/replies I have received so much wonderful advise. I don't have any answers as I am searching myself, but know that I care. I'll be reading the replies to your next post! I'll be asking myself the same question.<P>Petrie

OK, some weird feelings here...<P>I had to do some driving today and amazingly feel "good"?? I'm kind of confused. Maybe to put it in our terms here, it feels like I am still on the roller-coaster, but now it feels like I can decide to take the seatbelt off and get out of the car anytime I want? Maybe because my future is now really up to me. Before it all depended on her decisions - her choices. Now it is up to me on how I am going to act and feel. For now I think it is best that I still work through ALL the emotions and not try to bury them...<P>It is almost as if a weight has been lifted off of me. Not the closure that everyone talks about, because to be totally honest, I felt none of that in court yesterday or last night or even today. In fact my feelings for her have not changed at all - seeing her actually made me feel even closer to her. Keep in mind I have not seen her in about 7 months.<P>I think I will put my thoughts in a new post - "Stop, Go, Wait"...<P>Mike<P>------------------<BR>God always waits for the right time to do the right thing in the right way.

((((((((mike))))))))<P>Your story brought tears to my eyes. There were times that I talked to my ex in the past where I was thinking it was as if nothing had happened. It is very eerie. But it did happen and I have to face it and accept it, and thats what I've worked on doing for a while now.<P>I remember the day I found out I was divorced, and I felt the weight lifted also. Its as if you know there is no more hope left. The marriage is now over for real and our spouse is officially our ex. There is a lot of sadness and pain, but there is a bright side to it, that you must force yourself to see, or you will never heal completely.<P>You tried your best, and are a good person and you deserve better in life, and I know you'll have it one day, just as we all will. This may not seem to make sense to us now, but I have to believe we'll find the reason for it someday. It can't all have been for nothing.<P>Take care of yourself right now. Even though you are doing good now, this may hit you in a few days. It is common and its ok to grieve.<P>I read the rebuilding book, and it really does help explain things. It helps to show you all the feelings you need to feel before you can heal completely. <P>My thoughts and prayers are with you, Dana<BR>

Mike,<P>I don't know what to say to you today. We've been friends for the longest time, and I have always admired your spirituality and your wisdom--you are one of the ones I listen to as my "wise council". Literally every part of me wishes that I could say or do something that would comfort you or take away the pain. I can not take away your pain, you need to give it up, and God uses suffering to draw us away from worldly cares and bring us closer to Him. But know this, my friend, to the core of your being...KNOW within yourself that you are not alone. All the MB folks are there with you in thought, many are there in prayer, and God WILL send His minister angels to you today--sometimes the angels just look like children or dogs! And Mike, KNOW in your heart that I am going to be right there with you all day and all night--thinking of you and praying for you. (BTW, could you move that stuff over so I have someplace to sit down? This hovering above you and protecting you from the slings and arrows is tiring--haha). <P>I'm so glad you came here and shared yourself with us, so that we all have the chance to support you and minister TO YOU this time. It's good for us to think of others besides ourselves, and it's good for you to know that there are literally people across this country who care about you.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Mike}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P><BR>CJ<P>cindy_wolfe@blm.gov<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Mike, thanks for sharing that here. More than anything else I've read, I think it helps me prepare for what's coming up in my life. In my heart I <I>know</I> that the divorce decree is just a legal technicality, but realistically, I guess I can expect the emotional devastation to be at least as great as what I experienced when I came home from work that day to find all my wife's stuff gone.<BR>

I don't know what to say. I am crying now for so many reasons. Just know that I am thinking of you. You are very brave.

Mike:<P>Your story just touched my heart. Here I am, feeling bitter towards men - thinking they are all the same, they all cheat..., and along you come. Thank you for reminding me that all men are not like my WS.<P>I sit here thinking of you and your pain. Though I have definitely felt the pain, I can't imagine the finality you must be feeling. I hope you will soon see brighter days. You sound like a wonderful person!<P>Good luck!