Hi all,<BR>We hear so much about how irrational some people around us can be. Why is that? Are there other irrational ones out there? Well..... here are some stories I came across today... enjoy!!<P>TRUST ME, THESE ARE WELL WORTH READING. IF THEY DON'T LIGHTEN YOUR DAY, MAKE YOU FEEL SMARTER THAN THE AVERAGE BEAR, THEN YOU NEED TO GO BACK TO BED AND PULL THE COVERS OVER YOUR HEAD!!<P>Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets", said the teenager at the counter. <BR>"You don't?" I replied. <BR>"We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half-dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my <BR>head and ordered six McNuggets. <BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ <BR>The paragraph above doesn't amaze me because of what happened a couple of months ago. I was checking out at the local Foodland with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "Dividers" that they keep by the cash register <BR>and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "Divider" looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code <BR>she said to me "Do you know how much this is?" and I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today". She said "OK"and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened..... <BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ <BR>A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy". <BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ <BR>I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. <BR>Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenient store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too? I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why <BR>don't you drive over there and check about the batteries it's a long walk. <BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ <BR>Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. <BR>What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. <BR>With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies. <BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ <BR>I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister". I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the <BR>"cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich. <BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ <BR>IDIOTS & COMPUTERS My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke <BR>coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?" <BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ <BR>IDIOTS ARE EASY TO PLEASE I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented that the next day would be the shortest day of the year. My lab partner became visibly excited, cheering and clapping. I explained to her that the amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount of time. Needless to say, she was very disappointed. <BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ <BR>Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. <BR>The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed. <P>Are you laughing yet? Ok, how about a smirk? That's better. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.<P>

Ok, I guess no one liked my last few jokes. I thought the one about the colander/copy machine lie detector was pretty good. So I am making another attempt at getting a few smiles out of this group. <P>For all you MicroSoft fans here is a story:<P>Subject: Abe and Dot<P>An old, bearded shepherd with a crooked staff walked<BR>up to a stone pulpit and said, "And lo, it came to pass<BR>that the trader by the name of Abraham Com did take<BR>unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. "<BR>And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder<BR>and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called<BR>Amazon Dot Com. And she said unto Abraham, her<BR>husband, "Why doth thou travel far, from town to<BR>town, with thy goods when thou can trade without ever<BR>leaving thy tent?"<P>And Abraham did look at her as though she were<BR>several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply<BR>said, "How, Dear?"<P>And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and<BR>drums in between to send messages saying what you<BR>have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath<BR>the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums<BR>and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."<P>Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot<BR>have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out<BR>and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all<BR>the goods he had, at the top price, without ever moving<BR>from his tent. But this success did arouse envy.<P>A man named Maccabia did secret himself inside<BR>Abraham's drum and was accused of insider trading.<BR>And the young man did take to Dot Com's trading as<BR>doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were<BR>called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites,<BR>or NERDS for short.<P>And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new<BR>riches and the deafening sound of drums, that no one<BR>noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker,<BR>one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum<BR>company in the land. And indeed did insist on making<BR>drums that would work only if you bought Brother Gates'<BR>drumsticks.<P>And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started<BR>is being taken over by others."<P>And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or<BR>as it came to be! known "eBay," he said, "we need a<BR>name that reflects what we are" and Dot replied,<BR>"Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators."<P>"Whoopee!", said Abraham.<P>"No, YAHOO!" said Dot Com.. .and that is how it all<BR>began.<P>It wasn't Al Gore after all.<P><BR>*************************************************<BR>Through all our pain and suffering a little laughter can help get us through the day. A good friend reminded me of that and I wanted to share it with all of you. <P>Take Care and smile. It will make 'them' wonder what you are really up to. <P>L.

ROTFLMAO!

I don't know about anyone else but I feel smart and I've had some good chuckles.<BR>

Orchid,<P>My very smart XH actually called me (frantically) not to long ago wanting me to bring by the spare auto opener remote, as his batteries were dead as well. "I have got to get into the car, as I have an important meeting to go to", overreacting as usual. It gave me great pleasure to ask him if he had tried the key.

And just the opposite: My 20 month old neice has learned that her parents must put the key in the lock before they can get in the car. When she went with me to the store the the other day, I unlocked the car with the remote and had the back door open so she could be put in her car seat...but she wouldn't budge until the key had been put into the lock.<P>I know...a little off subject, but it was still funny.<P>Peace