My Dad gave me a copy of this book several years ago. I am now rereading it. This particular passage struck a chord in me and I just wanted to share it:<P>"Genuine love is volitional rather than emotional. The person who truely loves does so because of a descion to love. This person has made a commitment to be loving whether or not the loving feeling is present. If it is, so much the better; but if it isn't, the commitment to love, the will to love, still stands and is still exercised. Conversley, it is not only possible but necessary for a loving person to avoid acting on feelings of love. I may meet a woman who strongly attracts me, whom I feel like loving, but because it would be destructive to my marriage to have an affair at that time, I will say vocally or in the silence of my heart, "I feel like loving you, but I am not going to."....My feelings of love may be unbounded, but my capacity to be loving is limited. I therefore must chose the person on whom to focus my capacity to love, toward whom to direct my will to love. True love is not a feeling by which we are overwhelmed. It is a committed, thoughtful decision."<BR>M. Scott Peck, "The Road Less Travelled" p.119<P><p>[This message has been edited by HopelessinAZ (edited May 19, 2001).]

Wow. From now on, anytime someone asks "What is love?", I'm going to answer with that quote!<P>I have a whole stash of quotes and stuff to remember, this is going in there <P>thank you!! ((((((hugs)))))))<P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I>

Perhaps the #1 thing I learned from the book...lies and deceit conceal the "PAIN of the truth."<P>DD

HAZ,<P>Wow. Yep. Good stuff.<P>Lisa

Hi HopeAZ,<P>I like that quote. Fits to a T what I've been trying to say to H. <P>Thanks. It sure does not the wind out of those foggy excuses like: "It's because she makes me tingle."<P>L.

This is my favorite book of all time and one I refer to frequently. It applies to everyone, not just those who are considering an affair. It applies to those who want to date after a divorce as well. There are plenty of BS here who have not learned this lesson from their WS. They use "feelings" as a justification for anything. <P>Here are a few more of my favorites..<P>"Delaying gratification is a process of scheduling the pain and pleasure of life in such a way as to enhance the pleasure by meeting and experiencing the pain first and getting it over with. It is the only decent way to live."<P>"Some of us will go to quite extraordinary lengths to avoid our problems and the suffering they cause, proceeding far afield from all that is clearly good and sensible in order to try to find an easy way out, building the most elaborate fantasies in which to live, sometimes to the total exclusion of reality. In the succinctly elegant words of Carl Jung, "Neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering.""<P>"Of all the misconceptions about love the most powerful and pervasive is the belief that "falling in love" is love or at least one of the manifestations of love...The first (problem) is that the experience of falling in love is specifically a sex-linked erotic experience. We do not fall in love with our children even though we love them very deeply. We do not fall in love with our friends of the same sex--unless we are homosexually oriented. We fall in love only when we are consciously or unconsciously sexually motivated. The second problem is that the experience of falling in love is invariably temporary. No matter whom we fall in love with, we sooner or later fall out of love if the relationship continues long enough."<P>"Falling in love is not an extension of one's limits or boundaries. The extension of one's limits requires effort; falling in love is effortless. Lazy and undisciplined individuals are as likely to fall in love as energetic and dedicated ones. Once the precious moment of falling in love has passed and the boundaries have snapped back into place, the individual may be disillusioned, but is usually none the larger for the experience...Real love is a permanently self-enlarging experience. Falling in love is not."<P>"Falling in love has little to do with purposely nurturing one's spiritual development. If we have any purpose in mind when we fall in love it is to terminate our own loneliness and perhaps insure this result through marriage. Certainly we are not thinking of spiritual development."<P>

You are right TS. I began reading it not to find fault with my STBX's leaving me(I've done plenty of that). But rather to help myself to grow from the experience. <P>I find a passage on almost everypage that helps me understand what happened and how I can learn from that. <P>From now on I plan to use the book often. I am currently rewriting my map!

<I>"Further Down the Road Less Traveled"</I> is also excellent!! In fact, I read that one first, and then had to go buy and read the first one to see what I missed!!<P>I used to have the very first line from the book as my tag-sig line because it is so true - "Life is difficult." It sounds a little doomsayer-ish (not a word, but hang with me) but let's face it, it is the truth in life.<P>But the basis of the books is love, "seeing things" as they really are, and learning the hard lessons in life - which we ALL have to do around here.

Nyneve,<P>I was wondering if he had written another book. I am going out to get that one soon! Thanks

Okay, Okay, I give up!<P>After reading just that one quote, I went to Amazon.com and ordered the book...a week from now I should have it!<P>Thanks for the tip! <BR>

CJack,<P>When you get your book let me know. I would be interested in what you think about it.<P>Maybe an e-mail book chat?

Hey, count me in on that. That might be an interesting board - book chats! Now, I'll have to go dig that book up and re-read it. Yes, he's written many many many books. He actually wrote that book before becoming a Christian. He has written since that experience in his life as well! The book immediately following this one is called <I>People of the Lie</I> which is excellent yet a little freaky.<P>Cheers,<BR>Nicole