I am not divorced, don't want to be, but will be. someday, in the next couple years, I would like to me a "nice" man. I have 3 kids. Where am I going to find you. How am I going to find you. Do you want to be involved with someone else with kids. <P>I guess I need reassurance that someday I might find someone "nice". <P>hopelessmom

From the hours of 8-5 I'll be at the corner of Crawford and Broadway in Salina. All other times I'll be on New York Street in Tescott. I have three phone #'s I can be reached at and two of them have answering machines. I also have three e-mail accounts.<P>OK with that out of my system. Having three kids myself, not divorced yet (July 10th), not wanting to be divorced I ask you the same question only I'd rather find a woman.<P>Yes, I would get involved with someone with kids. I guess if there is another go around on the marriage trolley I just want to make sure that I don't have to get off. I want to make sure that it will be "til death us do part". <P>That's about all the reassurance I have. <P><P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

Hey Bill!<P>Us ladies are everywhere! We don't like to limit ourselves to just one or two corners! <P>Mitzi

Believe it or not, I'd like to find a woman who's been around the block a few times. I'd like at least one more kid, but I don't really want to deal with diapers and vomit, so I'd be nice if the person a find had a kid or two. Three? Donno. My X did the affair bit too. Grass is greener, ha. The woman I want to be with knows that there are good times and bad times in marriage and doesn't take the easy way out.

<<From the hours of 8-5 I'll be at the corner of Crawford and Broadway in Salina.>><P>Dang! I've been at the corner of Florida and U Streets in DC. These nice ladies in hot pants, halters, and go-go boots send me out into the intersection when the light's red looking for John. They've taken all my dates away from me so far, and--wait a minute. Here comes my new friend, Alonzo in his zoot suit, fur coat, and a feather in his hat...<P>Sportin' tonight?<BR>Nell-a-go-go

You know, I wonder if being a "good man" is worth anything in today's world!<P>During this trying time of my life, I spent a lot of time going out with the guys. In my observation, the guys who treat women with little or no respect do far better than "nice guys." In fact, one of my co-workers has a saying:<P>"Nice guys finish last...no, nice guys don't finish...no, nice guys don't even start!"<P>Jerks, it seems, get a lot more attention than the good guys! Even my own situation proves it. When I met my Ex, she had just broken up with the King of All Jerks. Before him was the jerk who abandoned her and her baby. Before that was a jerk who cheated on her repeatedly and broke her heart. I was the first and only "nice guy" she'd ever gone out with. What happened?<P><BR>She left me for a lying, cheating jerk!<P><BR>A friend of mine treats women like sex objects, nothing more. He uses them, tells them up front that there's no chance of a relationship and that he'll sleep with whomever he wants while they're dating. He unceremoniously dumps them at the first sign of an emotional attachment. Guess what?<P>He's got women lining up to go out with him!<P>His friend is even worse. He treats his girlfriend like a servant, snapping orders at her and threatening to leave her at the drop of a hat. He cheats on her at will, and tells her in no uncertain terms that she'll be out on the curb if she ever does the same. And you know what?<P>It works for him!<P>I even tried a little experiment. I went to the bar one night with a "who cares" attitude. I acted like a jerk (as best I could), and did what my friends did (grabbing behinds, talking dirty, ogling, etc.). You'll never guess what happened.<P><BR>I had a couple of women practically throw themselves at me!<P>I'm even beginning to believe that if I had treated my Ex like crap, we'd still be together.

"nice" guys <B>DO</B> finish last.<P><BR>...and "REAL" women appreciate that....<P> <P><BR>sorry, I couldn't help myself.....<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again

Well, nobody really told me where they were going to be.<P>I know that I will not be in a bar. Maybe at the zoo, the grocery store, the gym , at the park, the library, church, taking classes, or perhaps a support group.<P>F1H0, I also want my new man to know and perhpas experience the "hard" times of life. You can not "know" what life is like until you experience the "hard" times and survive and hopefully grow. Marriage is hard work. It really does take more than "in love" stuff.<P>Anyway, you will see me holding hands with two kids on one side and one on the other as we manuver thru the parking lots. Wave!<P>hopelessmom

HM, (will ya change that moniker already?),<P>I think guys can see "desperately seeking" a mile away...and run . I'm pretty sure we women do too. <P>It's nice to think about being with someone else, but you'll be 50 times more attractive to that potential future guy as soon as you're not looking for him. In other words, when you get to a place in your recovery that you feel comfortable with just yourself...that's when he will magically appear. Don't ask me why it happens that way...but it just seems to.<P>You won't have to think of "where do I meet him" - you'll just bump into him one day while you're at the grocery store or getting coffee or playing some crazy volleyball on a beach in Virginia (hats off to the other thread ).<P>I know it stinks to hear this yet again...but it all takes time. Don't try to rush it.<P>PS - Jerks are a dime a dozen, nice guys are the gems <P>Lisa

hopelessmom,<P>You will find the kind of man you are looking for in places where men go to improve themselves. Yes, church, gym, bookstore, library, taking classes, etc. Interestingly, that is where a lot of good women hang out as well. <P>I know you have children, but take the time to enrich your life, enjoy your life, and I suspect you will find the kind of men you are seeking.<P>That is my suggestion.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

Ditto, hopeless me !

OK, since I supplied the only cheeky response, I figured I'd better respond seriously <P>IMHO I'm a nice guy. I can be found cycling with my son at the beach, goofing in the grocery store shopping for typical bachelor fare (mac & Cheese, pizza rolls, soda, chips, etc), trying unsuccessfuly to figure out what size clothes he wears, but mostly I can be found at home making sure he has a stable, predictable environment. At least half the time. <P>Given that I have a son, it seems more than likely that I'll become involved with someone who has kids, but I wouldn't turn my nose up at a single girl who owns a Porsche dealership, just because she was childless <P>I have to admit that it seems like the girls around here all seem to be attracted to "bad boys" which is kind of perplexing, but I don't dwell on it. I realize that I'll find that "nice girl" when I least expect it. (or she'll find me) <P>Find out what it is you like to do, and go do that. For me it's cycling. Meeting and getting to know someone is probably easier doing something you both enjoy.<P>And, I have to echo O*M*O, how about Hopefullmom? Me&3?<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again<P><p>[This message has been edited by c00ker (edited May 31, 2001).]

Nice guys do really exist, we just hide really well. LOL all that I can say is that I love my W more than anything in this world, I am in love with her. But if she files for the BIG D WORD, there will be really lucky lady out there that will get the person I am becomiing more and more each and every day.<P>Oh YeaH HOPELESS Try an AA meeting

I AM NOT LOOKING NOR AM I INTERESTED IN LOOKING AT THIS TIME.<P>I was just curious. I have too much on my plate now and yes, i still want my marriage to work even though I know that it will not. <P>I know that you all mean well, but enough about the screen name. I will change it when the time is right, for me. Thanks for the concern<P>hopelessmom looking to the future.

I have to say, with the exception of my exhusband (big exception), I have always been attracted to the "nice guy." And for all accounts and purposes, my ex was a nice guy. Very tender, kind, loving, sensitive, great listener, sweet. But there was more there, I know. There is a great amount of sex appeal to a "bad boy," and a lot of women want to feel like they are needed or have someone to change. It gives them purpose. I mean, come on, a nice, responsible guy (like you Nick ) really has no need for a nice responsible girl like me , right?? I have to admit, I find the bad boy, experienced, ogling, womanizer to be very sexy in a primal way, but wouldn't touch it with a ten foot pole. I will leave that one to the imagination.<P>I have to say too that I know there are plenty of "nice guys" out there. Don't know why I am so sure of it, but I believe it. I am not too worried.<P>

Just three suggestions, and I hope the second doesn't sound insensitive. <UL TYPE=SQUARE><BR> - Church is a good place to find 'nice' people. I met my wife there. Our nineteenth anniversary was last week.<BR> - Finding the right person is important. Being the right person is more important.<BR> - True love is not something you find; it is something you create. </UL> <P>People should be happy if they can manage it. And it helps if you feel like you deserve it. <P>The Lord be with you. <P>Regards,<BR>rs0522<P>

hM, <BR>Just give yourself time, you won't "find" someone by looking, it just seems to happen. AT least it did for me.<P>I looked around in the places I hang but there was nothing of interest. Then a friend of mine broought up my name at a card party and they "fixed" me up with one of the women that played with them sometimes. <P>We hit it off and dated for a few months. We had some differences(child rearing and my kids being #1 with me ) and she didn't want to invest time in a relationship if she felt there was no future in it. <P>It hurt for a few weeks and I swore off dating. Then a woman from my church called and said she had a friend that hadn't dated for a year after her divorce. So I bit the bullet and asked her out. We have been seeing each other for about 6 months now. IN fact we are getting our kids together this weekend for the first time this weekend. <P>What I am trying to say is that I would never have met either of these women if I was looking.<P>As far as kids go, I originally said I was looking for someone without kids as I have 2 already. But then I started to see that there aren't too many many woman around my age, 45, without kids. So I did change my mind on that.<P>I did date a woman for about a month that had never been married and didn't have kids, but she broke up with me because she felt we could only be only friends. I think she was looking for someone that could take trips with her in the summer(she is a teacher and does some consulting at colleges in the summer) and I couldn't because of the kids.<P>What I am saying is be patient.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by RidenSober:<BR><B>Oh YeaH HOPELESS Try an AA meeting</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Got to differ with you on that suggestion. AA is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other in order to maintain sobriety.<P>It was never designed to be the dating game. I'm not a big fan of rehab romances. For one thing, in their first few years of sobriety, folks are just too darn vulnerable to abuse. And two sick heads never have equalled a well one.<P>Too many early sobriety romances have ended up with one or both drinking again. The guys and gals who need AA also need that time to concentrate on recovery. Too often, the romance becomes a distraction, even an excuse not to work on personal recovery.<P>Keep coming back, it works, it works!<P>Prayers and stuff,<P>Bumper<P>

So all you guys think that all 'good girls' like only the bad boys? Open your eyes. Look at all these 'good girls' here that made a bad choice. How about giving us another chance? I believe most of us would not like to repeat our misery. I am sure you guys would not either. <P>While this place is not a dating arena, it certainly is nice to know there are some good people still out there on 'both' sides. Gives us all a kind of hope that we can be with someone who will treat us as we should be and that we can do the same. <P>So for all you 'nice' people out there..... don't despair.... there is __________ (hope?). <P>'nuff said. <BR>L.

What I would worry about is meeting someone, thinking he was a "nice guy" and then finding out (too late) that he really wasn't or was and then changed, or just played at being a nice guy. I thought my (now Ex-) H was the kindest, nicest, most gentle person that I had ever met. Unfortunately, he changed over the years and became a totally self-centered, self-serving person, who acted as if I was not important to him, that my feelings and concerns no longer mattered, if they ever did at all. I don't know if he changed, or if he was really ever the person I thought he was. I guess I will never know. I never thought in one million years that he would do the things he has done (lie, cheat, use people, etc.)