WEll, I live in a city of 1.2 million people if you include the outlying suburbs. The men aren't at church where I go. They aren't where I work - which temporarily is where I go to church but you wouldn't believe the traffic through our office. They aren't at the library when I'm there. They aren't at the bookstore - or they're terribly glued to their books. they aren't at the grocery store when I'm there. and I don't find them at Target buying toilet paper or laundry detergent or toys. They aren't in the parks when I take my children. They weren't in my classes when I was getting my photography certificate. (Wait, there was the pregnant guy - the one with the gut - who smoked and had long fingernails. GROSS. Wanted to go out. NO WAY.)<P>I have no clue where they are. <P>And right now I'm not worried. I have one more major goal to accomplish before I'm ready. <P>Then I will be a force to be reckoned with. <P>But meanwhile, I'm wondering where they hang out. 'Cause I have no clue.<P>But maybe this means I should relax and go along for the ride 'cause things in my life could be a lot worse.

Well, I believe all the nice guys have died in the arms of the OW! I know mine did!<P>I guess I have too high of expectations for my men. My dad was a superman and there are none like him. Must change my perception I guess. <P>I would like a compasionate, talkative and listening man, likes to do fun things instead of push the remote buttons, and someone who doesn't love his job and work more than his wife. I definitely want someone who cooks, cleans and will take care of me when I am sick. I am 47 yrs old now, what is my chance to find a decent man out there? Kinda sad isn't it? Us good women are many since the OW stole our guys, so maybe there are some good guys too! TOo bad the OW and OM don't find each other, they deserve each other!

I gotta get in on this one.. <P>They are out there. With out question. I agree with the gym, classes, church post. Anyone trying to better himself, etc.<P>Kids don't bug me. When they hit that note. You know the one that could crack glass when yelled at the top of the lungs. My right eye kinda squints alittle until its over. Kids that play with matches are kinda spooky too. I guess. But all in all they're cool.<P>Good guys are everywhere. Just look'em in the eye, keep looking in their eyes until he smiles and looks away. Then say Hi. Opps, Busted. This is what melts my barrel ring..<P>Just start talking. You'll know in a heart beat..<P>Tex.<P><BR>

To all you nice guys: <P>Why are you so shy in person? So you are at the gym, in the grocery store, at the library?, Starbucks, etc., but are you the one to strike up the conversation? Hm.....<P><BR>To all you nice ladies:<BR>Are you shy also? How do you handle these 'shy' guys who can tell good jokes but can't say hello without blushing?<P>I'm probably going to be banned from this thread for all my questions. Maybe if there was just a way to recognize an MB poster or someone with similar goals? Just thinking out loud. <P>Hey, I'm shy also, but can you good folks here tell? <P>L.

When you least expect it is about right!<P>I work recess at the school (just filling time before I have to go get a real job). There is a single kinda good looking male teacher. I, who am seriously and totally uninterested in dating (the thought makes me queazy), have always just treated him like the rest of the people I deal with all day. Well, I passed by him in the hallway the other day, smiled and said hi and kept walking, he gave me a great big grin, then I turned my head sideways to look into the art class and out of the corner of my eye caught him taking a REAR view on me. I guess I was a little stunned. (He had just recently found out I was single).<P>The bad part about this is that now that I caught that and, by the way he's been really smiley, lots of small talk, joking lately, NOW it's all different!! I feel weird around him and can hardly look at him. Maybe it's a touch of my own shyness too. I mean, I'm SO OLD now!! I don't know how to even deal with someone having interest in me. I don't KNOW WHAT TO DO!! OMG, I am so out of practice! Should I do all the same stuff I did when I was a young babe?? Back then it was all a game. I don't do games anymore - I have kids for crying out loud. Never been more serious in my life than now. If anything happens, I'm gonna flip out and break my MB silence and have to post on it!<P>On the other hand, I waited all year to go to a Memorial Day parade because a man I met a year ago would be there because he takes his boys every year, and I'm dying to talk to him again, but yet not enough to initiate some contact. Well, my transmission went out on my car and I went nowhere. See what happens when you plan on something?<P>The frustration of feeling like such a nerd, like why in the world can't I get my act together and know how to be around single men again, makes me just want to chuck it all and stay single to the end.<P>So that's my testimonial - you never expect it. It's disappointing to me that so many of the people I know are divorced, yet MOST of them are remarried so there is a lot of hope. What will be will be, and you won't be looking when it happens.<P>P.S. I will remember to look him straight in the eyes, Good Man - eyes are pretty powerful aren't they.<P>Sigh!!<P>------------------<BR>Kathy<BR><p>[This message has been edited by weirded out (edited May 31, 2001).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Orchid:<BR><B>To all you nice guys: <P>Why are you so shy in person? So you are at the gym, in the grocery store, at the library?, Starbucks, etc., but are you the one to strike up the conversation? Hm.....<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I'm one of those nice guys and I don't know why we're so shy. Is it the fear of rejection? I wish I could answer. <P>

I will strike up a conversation. With out hesitation. <P>Now let me also say that I would have never started a conversation during my marriage. And it was tough for me before I was married. <P>Now its different. Big time. I don't know whats come over me in the last 1.5 years but I can't stop. If the Lady looks good to me I will get one going. I'm probably more mature, more aware of how people react to me, and I'm more convident in myself. When I was in the stressfull relationship, it (I)looked like I was in a stressfull relationship. Now that period of my life is gone (the gavel hasn't dropped yet but rather close) and feel much better. The fire is back in my eyes. <P>Over all I'd say its more self convidence that gets me to strike up a conversation.<P>Tex.<P>P.s. Blond, Blue eyed, Athletic and its over, I'm talking to her. HeHeHe. ;-) AND EVERYTHING IS BIGGER IN TEXAS.. <P>Now let your mind wonder with that one.. ;-)<P>And no, I'm not that vain. I'm just starting a wonderful new day. Ya'll be good.<P>Tex.<P><BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by AgoodManInTexas:<BR><B>Good guys are everywhere. Just look'em in the eye, keep looking in their eyes until he smiles and looks away. Then say Hi. Opps, Busted. This is what melts my barrel ring..<P>Tex.<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>Aha!...now we know what was going on at The Outback Steakhouse... busted <P>Lisa<BR><P>------------------<BR>I am woman...hear me roar...okay - meow...okay - purr? Hey, I'm working on it.

You know, it's not helping my self-confidence any that I'm having another birthday next month. And I know I don't have a 25 year old body anymore.

Well, I was just thinking , if we are all shy, don't know who is available and who is not, Maybe we should have some sort of "sign" Gays have purple triangles(?) breast cancer 'pink ribbons, etc.<P>How about some "ribbon" that says, I am divorced and am a wonderful person. Any thoughts? How about a button with "eyes wide open"<P>Do any of you men go to "singles" events. <P>hopelessmom looking toward the future without him

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hopelessmom:<BR><B>Do any of you men go to "singles" events. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Yep, tried Parents without Partners, Single Parents and a few singles events. The first two were mostly people in their sixties and seventies at a time when I was still in my forties. But forget all that, it didn't overcome the big problem of fear of rejection. The idea of asking a total stranger on a date paralyzes me. The fear is of that sneering, scornful put down from the physically attractive woman, who realizes the only really important truth in life: "That she is entirely too magnificent to be bothered with someone like me." Yes, there is a whole world full of women who are regular practicioncers and absolute masters of cruelty and cruel rejections. They know exactly what they are doing, and they know they aren't doing their fellow women any favors either.<P>In the seventeen years since divorce, I've dated close to thirty women, but not one of them was a stranger. They were women that I have come to know in any number of social settings and civic meetings. I didn't approach anyone until I knew her well enough to read the signals that she might be available. Before I even ask, I need to be sure that she is the kind of person who can diplomatically say "No Thanks" if she isn't interested.<P>As I get to know women as friendly acquaintences, there are things I listen for. I've learned to steer a wide path around any woman who dewell on politically correct misandrist canards. Any woman who gripes about her past relationships is off limits. And women who harp on the inadequacies of men send me into low earth orbit to escape.<P>For the most part, I just sort of allow her to make the first move. And that probably has a lot to do with the fact that I wind up dating an endless string of "assertive women".<P>I still remember the days when women worried about a kiss on the first date. Then there were the days when they wondered about sex after x number of dates. The most recent lady in my life had me down on my knees after our fourth date. She had me replacing the toilet seats in her house. Getting to first base just isn't what it used to be. <P>Prayers and stuff,<P>Bumper <BR><p>[This message has been edited by Bumperii (edited June 01, 2001).]

Hi HM,<P>Very interesting thread. I'm about to be joining you soon. Looks as though the big 'D' is inevitable for me. Just like you, the thought of dating again makes me quesy some days, downright terrified others. I am afraid of the possibility of attracting a MM, and not realizing right away. After what I've been through, I have a huge distrust of all MM. Not all men, just the married ones!! Interesting, huh? <P>In thinking back to my single days, I recall being the most attractive to men when I was the happiest with myself. It seemed that when things were going well in my life and I was enjoying it and having fun (and not looking for anyone), that's when men would ask me out. Having a very positive outlook on life and being happy in general is very attractive. People (whether they be men or women) want to be around upbeat people.<P>I have never had children because H would not hear of it. He always had to be the center of attention. Some days, I really regret that I allowed him to take that away from me. Even though I have been childless, I would not have a problem with getting involved with a man who has custody. I see it as a way of possibly making up for something I was not allowed to have. I think it could add a new and exciting dimension to my life. I'm sure there are some men out there who feel the same way.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Bumperii:<BR><B>I still remember the days when women worried about a kiss on the first date. Then there were the days when they wondered about sex after x number of dates.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>OMG...just reading this thread, wondering what the next coupla years might bring....and realized I'm gonna be in trouble.<P>I'm 44, was a virgin when I married and still get embarrassed around an attractive man. First kiss? Yes, I'll be worried. Sex? Am I too naive to think that ONLY after I'm married again? <P>Help.....has the world changed that much?<P>Aloha,<BR>Mrs.O<P>

Hey HM,<P>good question.<P>I don't know!!!<P>I'm not looking, I'm having fun on my own, with my friends and with my family. I'm finally happy with ME.<P>But,.......... I did notice a lot of single dads at the bowling alley when we went with some friends on a Sat. morning about a year ago. I haven't been back since, but I must admit I've thought about it. All the kids and their dads looked like they were having so much fun. We had a great time too.<P>NOW, BUMPER...... <P>you made my heart stop beating when you said down on your knees......<P>I thought to myself.."what the heck is he going to say next......."<P>I'm glad you were only fixing the loo!!!!!!!<P>HM,<P>we're doing so well aren't we. We know where we're going, and how we're getting there. We have learnt and grown so much through all this. And we're better people for it. At least that's what I keep telling myself, and hoping that it's true. But deep down I do believe it.<P>I also find myself attracted to the 'bad boy' person. But attracted in the way of "that's a movie script, not real life but it's nice to fantasise about being the nice girl who changes the bad boy!!!' kind of way. I've never dated a real 'badboy' I always went for the professional, 3 peice suit kind of guy. (Now I want Nick in his bike shorts!!! just joking Nick)<P>I agree with everyone here. I'll probably trip over at the shopping centre and he'll pick me up in the middle of my cringing embarrassment. And we'll live happily ever after!!<P>I would like someone who has been through hard tough times, and weathered it. Not someone who runs away when times get tough. I wouldn't mind someone with kids, then it would be his and mine, not ours. I have a 'thing' about having another baby with someone else. I don't want my girls to feel like second class citizens. You know, my daddy doesn't live with me, but your Daddy does type stuff. I've heard too many stories about kids being treated quite badly (not abuse) and it would break my heart if my girls ever had to go through that.<P>anyway, keep on doing what you're doing, you're so wonderful. Have a great weekend<P>love and hugs<P>Jo

It depends upon if you want one local, or one from a larger area of the world. if local, sign up to help with your children's sports programs and you will meet all kids of parents, moms and dads, and from those relationships, you will meet married and single (potential) and from the married, they will know some singles.<P>HOWEVER, are you ready to be looking for a relationship? Have you gone through to the acceptance stage, truly, where there is no anger against the X for his behavior? If not you are not quite ready for a relationship. In a new relationship, part of the requirement for determining the potential of the relationship, is to discuss your past experiences, and your future hopes and dreams. If you can't talk about the X without anger, you aren't ready yet.<BR>The topics will come up for a long time, and how you respond is how you know how well your recovery is going.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> Once, working with a group of five single patients, all passive dependent people, I asked them to speak of their goals in terms of what life situations they wanted to find theselves in five years hence. In one way or another each of them replied, "I want to be married to someone who really cares for me." Not one mentioned holding down a challenging job, creating a work of art, making a contribution to the community, being in a position where he or she could love or even have children. The notion of effort was not involved in their daydreams; they envisioned only an effortless passive state of receiving care. <B> I told them as i tell others: "If being loved is your goal, you will fail to achieve it. The only way to be assured of being loved is to be a person worthy of love, and you cannot be a person worthy of love when your primary goal in life is to passively be loved." </B> . . . All the members of the aforementioned group found it agonizingly difficult to buy a house, separate from ther parents, locate a job, leave a totally unsatisfactory old job or even invest themselves in a hobby. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hopelessmom:<BR><B>I am not divorced, don't want to be, but will be. someday, in the next couple years, I would like to me a "nice" man. I have 3 kids. Where am I going to find you. How am I going to find you. Do you want to be involved with someone else with kids. <P>I guess I need reassurance that someday I might find someone "nice". <P>hopelessmom</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>It is possible to find this person you seek. First you have to give it over to God and allow Him to direct your path. He will bring such a person in your life when the time is right as defined by Him. I say it is possible because when I graduated from college I was interested in a young lady who had a child from her previous marriage. If it were God's will that I were to be with her now, I would.<P>God has in His time revealed to me why He wanted me to marry my W. When the enormous pain started, I could not understand. But now I know He wanted me to show her in physical tangible form the love that she seeks: unconditional love which can only be learned from God. I am doing that as best I can with my W. She still doesn't understand that yet but is well on her way to understanding that.<BR><P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by bonnet:<BR><B> ...(Now I want Nick in his bike shorts!!! just joking Nick)...<P>Jo</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I feel so cheap... and stereotyped. I'm more than just a nice pair of buns in spandex, I have a mind too... and personality, and wit, and charm... <P>And just to be mean... shirtless yardwork ALL day <P> <P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again

Hi Ya'll<BR> I thought I'd put in my 2cents worth. I asked the same question a while back, albeit in different words.<BR> I moved my girls and I to a new town 70 miles from the ex and his girlfriend and what was once home to me, that became a very difficult place to live. WE ARE DOING GREAT!!<BR> Now, I've come to realize, that the age of the patients that come through our doors, are 80% elderly. (I work for an ophthomologist). I come straight home to my girls, and that's it. I don't do the bar scene. I run in the morning in my neighborhood, which is in the country. I do attend a small cowboy church, and am getting more involved with that.<BR> I'm in a new town, so I don't really know anyone. I work, and spend my time with my girls. Reading some of the other threads, I recognize that I am really getting to a place of being comfortable with just being with myself. When a quote was written about where the group of people wanted to be in 5 years, the main desire was not bettering themselves, or some goal realization, but that they would have someone taking care of them. I think we all start at that point when we're fresh from the divorce/seperation. As I began to think about it, I started to think "yes, that would be nice to be with my "soul mate", but, I thought of my desire to go to Uganda for 2 weeks with the church in a year. That is one concrete desire. The point for me being that it wasn't just about "finding someone" ,but rather I have started changing my thinking and attitude, and actions!<BR> Now, realizing I got off track, I can't deny the fact that I'm looking around trying to figure out how to get involved without isolating myself as an adult! Just keep telling us it will happen!! That there are nice guys out there. THe tip about eye contact was very insightful. Thanks for being honest! And, I guess I find myself, when it gets right down to it, dealing with shyness, as well.<BR>Glad to hear you all are doing so well!!<BR><P>------------------<BR> It's the wounded oyster that mends itself with a pearl.