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Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 297
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db713 Offline OP
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I have been informed that OW has known my username for quite some time and has been folowing my postings, although they have been very infrequent this past yr. This has been told to me by a very reliable source. I know she will be reading this, so I have a few things I would like to say. The rest of you reading, please bare with me, or go to another post..<BR> A lot of the pain and despair that I have shared here is first hand knowledge to you. Its bad enough you helped destroy my marriage, and have helped cause so much pain and heartache to not only me, but to my children, especially my daughter. I can still remember the nights my husband would call our daughter from your house, and my daughter would cry for several hours in my arms.Although that was 2 -3 yrs ago, a mother doesn't forget those things. I still remember when my husband tried to talk me out of the retirement home, we personally picked out during a very romantic Thanksgiving vacation, saying He wanted it for you because you had dogs and we had a fenced yard. He said you would come in and remodel it, so it wouldn't look like our house anymore. I remember falling apart one day at work, because of the pain, and having to tell my friend and also my employer that my husband was committing adultery,and I needed to take some time off work to get my act together. I had to be put on Prozac and Xanax for 6 months just to be able to function. I still remember the night he called you from our house while I was cooking his dinner--that was the night I had a bottle of sleeping pills in my hand, and almost took them. If it hadn't been for my daughter being in the house, I just may have taken them. We have not had a happy Christmas since you came into my family's life--my daughter wants to go back to the grandparents every year, because of the bad memories. You see, when the divorce was going through, my daughter wanted one last family Christmas, and I did invite my husband over and I went to so much trouble to make sure the dinner was perfect, etc. He left in the middle of our annual Monopoly game, saying he didn't feel good, but he actually left to pick you up at the airport, so you and my husband could have your romantic Christmas together! I actually ran in to you both the next day, after he swore to all of us, you were not going to be around!!Those are just a few of the memories I have that you helped create. By no means did I have a perfect marriage, but I never in a thousand years would have thought he could become so enamoured by you that he would allow this to happen. I spent more than half my life with this man, and you just don't get over it with the snap of a finger. I have grown tremendously through this trial, but I don't think all the counseling in the world can totally take away all the pain and heartache., that adultery can cause. When you least expect it, something triggers a memory, and for a brief moment, you relive the whole thing again. I thank God, that those times are becoming farther apart.I will always have a connection to my ex because of children and grandchildren, and there is nothing I can do about that. There are so many days, I wish I could wake up and have total amnesia concerning my life with him, but I can't. <BR>When I got divorced, I set a goal date to try and restore my marriage, and that was my daughter's graduation day.If it hadn't happened by then, I was officially giving up. You no longer have to be concerned that I am any hindrance to you or your future marriage plans. You won!<BR>However, I will continue to post here, and I will not change my posting name. If I can help one other person through what I consider to be one of the most painful things that can happen, it will be my privledge. And if using my situation and experience with divorce and surviving adultery will help, then I will use it.<BR>May God bless you with the life he feels you deserve.

Joined: Sep 2000
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Joined: Sep 2000
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I am so sorry and understand the pain you went through, if it is any consolation, you know that your ex and the homewrecker's relationship is based on broken commandments and self centered infatuaion, and the figures will bear out that one or the other will bail out of this relationship as well. <P>You however, kept your morals and beliefs intact, and helped your daughter through this emotional pain (though she will be forever affected by these selfish acts of others). You also learned and truly grew from this experience. <P>Keep hanging in there!<BR>

Joined: Apr 2001
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db713:<P>What an invasion, though it seems to be happening more and more on MB. Obviously, the OW isn't too sure of herself if she needs to read what you have to say about things. Could there be trouble in paradise? They all find out eventually that the grass is not greener..<P>To the OW:<P>db713 is a GOOD person. My wishes for you are that you rot in hell!!! That you and HER husband (ex or not, she will always have been first, not YOU), live a lifetime of insecurity and that each of you feels 1/10 of the pain that you have knowingly and intentionally inflicted on db.

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 137
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Hey db's OW<P>You nasty thing you!<P>Oh.....and remember the old saying. When a man marries his mistress..... that creates an opening for the position.

Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 408
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Oh XMAN!<P>I will have to write that one down! That is SO true, I already am enjoying the knowledge that my X is already cheating on his "soul-mate" every time he goes to Houston for business (which is a lot). He's cheating with one of his old OW's who moved there. I would love to be a spider on the wall at their place when she finally figures out she wasn't the first, isn't the last, and is nowhere near as special as she thinks she is because like I was, she is clueless to the fact that this is his normal operating procedure.<P>By the way, Renee, I really wish you would pop in on this post, but I guess I'd rather let you learn the hard way too.<P>DB, you are an honorable woman.<P>------------------<BR>Kathy<p>[This message has been edited by weirded out (edited June 08, 2001).]

Joined: May 2001
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I hate when the safe haven is polluted with sneeking OW... never men you notice... <P>...and... having been an OW once [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]... I have more understanding than most of "that side". Except, here's what I did... after sleeping with the OM one time, I wanted to kill myself, ended up in the hospital with physical problems... and my dear cheating ex-H decided to punish me some more with some added affairs... I was a mess. However, the girlfriend of the OM wrote me, and I APOLOGIZED to her, for entering her life at all, and for sleeping with her common-law H (they'd lived together for years). <P>To the OW: This is a safe haven. This is not merely a web site, this is a family. <P>Just like family, we protect our own. <P>Karma... it has a way of coming back on you...

Joined: Apr 2001
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db713,<P>I share with you this bible verse;<P>Proverbs 6:32---But a man who commits adultery lacks judgement; whoever does so destroys himself.<P>It has given me a great deal of comfort in dealing with alll of this crap.<P>To the OW; you are second and I did not say second best, just second, do you like that position in his life? That is all the further you will get, second!! Also know that you are with a man that is destroying himself.

Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 1,148
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I was very touched by your story db and wanted to post something.,<P>Obviously your ex's "current" interest has some very significant confidence and esteem issues with herself, if she feels compelled to lurk in here to find out about you.<P>If it's any comfort, it's likely that when he grows tired of her, or finds someone more attractive than her (and that doesn't seem like much of a challenge, does it?), she'll find herself uncerimoniously discarded as well. And I too hope she gets a little taste of the pain she helped inflict on you and your family. She wasn't the first and she won't be the last. She was just "next"...<P>Take care db...<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again

Joined: Feb 2001
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db, I was really moved by your letter to the OW. Like everyone else, I fully understand your pain - the acute depression, the broken promises, the lies, the betrayal, all of it. My H has already "cheated" on OW, as he put it to me at the time, with me (!) and has attempted to cheat with a woman who confessed to me and in front of the kids with a waitress at a truck stop (propositioned her, gave her his business card, and a $50 tip). My 48 y.o. H seems to be going through a MLC fueled by drugs and alcohol. The only other difference is the 22 y.o. OW in my case is not computer literate and therefore would never find me here!

Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 1,832
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db,<P>All I can say is this: You've got class!!!!!<P>Keep the faith,<P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>


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