This is for BS and WS alike. I'd like to know if the A that contributed to your Divorce or Seperation last? If it didn't last, what was the duartion before it ended. If it did last, did the A end in Marriage to the OP?<P>Thanks in advance!<P>Lv,<BR>Jo

H's affair started November 99. We separated March 2000. He ended the affair in Dec 2000 - but after a failed recovery - he went back to her in March 2001 when I served him divorce papers.<P>On on June 25th 2001, 3 days before our first day in court, he asked for yet another chance and ended his relationship with her again. He moved home this weekend.<P>Personally, I think his relationship with OW was doomed from the start, regardless of the status of our marriage.<P>It was based on a great deal of fantasy and lies. <P>It did help ALOT that I continued to work on myself, and choose to work a hard Plan A while going through the divorce - not to get him back, but just so I could relate with him as a co-parent. I honestly don't get the impression that it was a hard decision for my H, to leave her and come back to me. She was lovebusting more and more - the emails I've read btwn them from this second time around where pretty scary. <P><P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I>

Funny that you should mention it...exactly one year ago my X was telliing me that she had found her "true soul-mate." <P>My, how time flies! Seven months later, we were divorced. Two months after that, X and OM were done for good.

I have been divorced almost 4 yrs. Ex is still living with OW, but marriage has not taken place yet. They became engaged sometime last yr.

My H left us for the OW almost 2.5 years ago. They are still living together. She has money and he has been unemployed for 15 months.

My H moved in with OW in December 2000. That's when PA began, EA started years ago and continued off and on. He moved back home for 1.5 months in April, but continued contact. Then he kicked me out and moved her in. That lasted 2 weeks until I filed for divorce, got a restraining order, and had them evicted. Now he says he's broken up with OW, but I think they still have some contact. So EA lasted ? and PA lasted 8 months (and counting?). I don't think it will last if it's not actually over already.<P>Jo, how about you?

Thanks for asking Letstry, you're a dear.<P>H's PA/EA started in June of 1999 (best guess), H left me for OW in April of 2000', H divorced me in June of 2001'. And they are still going strong from what I can tell.<P>That's 2 years they have lasted. Although they are not living together, they are a "COUPLE". I believe the only reason they're not living together is OW is on Welfare and if she moved in with H, he would have to foot the bill for her other children, besides my H's OC.<P>When reading SAA it says 6 mos to 2 years from "light of day". H stopped hidding/denying the A, and started flauting OW to family and friends in November of 2000'.<P>Today I am at a all time low, after 8+ mos of a pretty good Plan B I allowed contact from H and he sucked me in again with the ole' "I love you and I miss you". <P>He has no intentions of leaving OW, I think he just wanted to see if he could get me to tell him I still loved him (H's no. 1 EN is admiration). I told him and then he got nasty, started the blaming thing again.<P>It sux to be me.<P>Jo<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited July 29, 2001).]

Hey Jo!!<P>My ex's A started around sept. 99. He moved out 12/23/99 and in with her. They've been living together since although she kicked him out for a week in February. She got a little jealous cause he was supposedly flirting with another barfly!! LOL LOL Oh well! She knew what she was getting. <P>Mitzi <BR>

No, I'm not lost posting over here , just saw the thread and wanted to share something, since I could be on topic...the affair that led to the separations did not last...the marriage did.<P>But the following is also something that came out of the separations (it was a post of mine on recovery, I thought you might get a "wha'?" out of it)<P>My H's former OW is marrying H's former housemate. This is how I think they got together . When H & I were separated and I used to call, but he was out with the OW, the Housemate would often visit with me on the phone. A couple times he suggested I come over, crawl in bed with him and give my H a surprise in the morning. Well, I didn't do that...but I think when the OW called & H was with me, perhaps the Housemate suggested the same thing to her...and she took him up on it. They've been together about a year and a half. God Bless Them. <P>All 3 are co-workers, but not in the same buildings. H has some "sightings" of the OW, but their jobs don't require much interaction.<P>H & Housemate are no longer friends--a friendship that was over 15 years old & then they lived together off & on during our separations for over a year...I presume that friendship has ended because of the OW-Housemate relationship because even though I rather despise the Housemate for allowing my H to "crash" there anytime, I was always very polite--apparently too polite, since he thought propositioning me was ok.<P>The last time H's affair resumed and I discovered it, I spent a solid hour telling Housemate what a slug (thanks Terri) I thought the OW was. Housemate is in no doubt about OW's past behaviors, including the affair that ended her own marriage, a few guys prior to the one with my H. How do you marry someone who you know has no regard for marital vows, their own or a MM's? I know, none of my business, let it go.<P>The world is too small sometimes.<P>I asked H if we would be invited to the wedding--the second for both of them. H said a firm "No." I wonder if she'll wear white...<BR>

Well, my x had an online affiar for over two years, off and on. Then , after Plan A and B, we separated and he went to her state and spent quite a bit of time with her. <P>We were separated for for over a year and divorced for over 6 months and she broke up with him. She ended up marrying another man this spring and I hear she is pregnant. My x has taken this VERY hard, even talking to me about it. It crushes me at times that he is so heartbroken over her, but notover me and the demise of our marriage, but hey, he wasn't happy with me, that is why he started the affair, so why I am bothered by this so much, I am not sure. <P>I think he is a very lonely person now. He lost everything for this woman and she dumped him cold. It is a cold hart reality he faces. I wish him well and that someday he finds someone, but for me, it is over.<P><P>------------------<BR>Susan

D-day was 3/17/00 and our divorce was final 12/20/00. ExH married OW on 1/27/01. I think that by the time they got married they had been involved for almost two years. My 12 year old daughter was in their wedding. <P>I have almost no contact with exH - neither one of us wants to hear from each other. The few times that he has seen me he cannot look me in the eye. Can only hope that in time our contact with each other will not be so awkward.<P>

My XH had lots of affairs for 20 years. He's still living with the one he was caught with and it's going on 2 years now. They've been doing lots of vacations and he has not bothered to see his kids - why?, I don't know if it's her influence or he's just a lousy dad. I wouldn't know, because he is very mean spirited and will not speak with me for any reason whatsoever, but they could even be married by now.<P>Interesting fact, one of his other OW's from long ago who used to follow him from one job to the next (and I was so stupid that it never set off any bells and whistles) now lives in Houston and works for a major computer firm, and he recently has been going there on a lot of business trips to that firm. Interesting. I see a job transfer in his future, to Houston, and I wonder if the new OW will go with him and also be in the dark when he's seeing his old OW.<P>I don't care. I'm content with my own life and my own kids and glad to be away from it all.<P>------------------<BR>Kathy

The A that contributed to my D is still going strong. EA began 12/97, don't know for sure when it became PA but evidence suggests it was somewhat physical 10/98. They were very careful to not allow penetration so they could say they didn't have sex until at least xw was divorced. They are evidently charter members of The Clintonian Way.<P>My divorce was final 5/7/01.<P>He lives 1000+ miles away and isn't quite divorced yet. Not sure what'll happen between them but I lose interest in the soap opera every day.<P>--<BR>o2bsane@hotmail.com<BR><p>[This message has been edited by o2bsane (edited July 30, 2001).]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by BrambleRose:<P>It did help ALOT that I continued to work on myself, and choose to work a hard Plan A while going through the divorce - <P>Bramblerose,<P>How were you able to do Plan A while going for a divorce? I am trying to do the same thing with a H that has shown no interest in having any contact with me. Any advice?

Now I feel like I belong here. Thanks for sharing your pain and recovery!

<small>[ August 08, 2004, 02:25 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

Hmmm well the EA started in early 98 sometime D day was April 99, divorce was final in 12/99 she moved in with him 8/99.<BR>In March 2000 she calls while my GF was visiting from another country. OM beat her nearly to death. I sent money and she came to my house. Now how wierd was that GF and X wife in same house. Week later she returns to OM continued to date him on and off till May of this year.. Some reason she decided we would get back??????? I asked GF to marry me in May so she is back talking to OM but not dating any longer and very unhappy..<P>Thank God I have an understanding Angel for a fiancee;-).