<p>[ January 10, 2002: Message edited by: LonelyAtNight ]</p>

<B>my kids might not understand the real situation. </B><BR>Then let them know what the "real situation" is.<P>Don't lie to them. They are hurting enough. You don't need to go into details, but they should know what is wrong.<P>Sorry, I'm not familiar with your story.<P><B>If my wife ends up moving out of our house, it would indicate that I’m the one who plays a bad guy because my kids might not understand the real situation.</B><BR>Let them know it is her decision to move out (if this is so.)<P><B>Since my wife has never wanted to move out (even during her affair) it would make my kids to question my love to them or ask me why I want to break a family. </B><BR>Again, if she moves out, why would they question <B>your</B> love for them?<P><B>They are 13 and 11. I don’t know how much they know about intimacy, especially the sex part.</B><BR>They know much, much more than you may give them credit for. You should be the one to explain the "birds & the bees" to them. It'll set them straight 'cause playground talk is just gonna mess them up! <P>Bottom line. Be honest with them.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

<p>[ January 10, 2002: Message edited by: LonelyAtNight ]</p>

LAN,<P>I drove by this post and probably read 10 times. I don't know if your kids are girls or boys but it doesn't make that much difference.<P>First off, IMO don't tell them about an unsure separation. If they see their lives as normal now, then there is no reason to disrupt their lives and instill insecurity. Now I know that it's important to you to "not look like the bad guy" but I don't think you have anything to worry about. At first the children will probably blame both of you and once they get past that they will form their own opinions. This is when it pays to walk the High Road.<P>In today's society, it does concern me that you haven't had the bird/bee talk. Children are getting pregnant everyday at the age of 13. Sure if it is possible for both of you to have the talk, then do it.<P>Finally, if it comes to her moving out, I would suggest that you both sit down with them and just tell them. Don't use this time to throw any dagger's for it's not what the children will need. I do agree that we should always be honest with our children, but at times we should save that honesty for another occasion.<P>Take Care - Thoughts and Prayers,<P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

<p>[ January 10, 2002: Message edited by: LonelyAtNight ]</p>

Hi L.A.N.<P>You know as far as telling the kids goes, I agree with Bill. Don't until it is necessary, because it will only worry them and it will be another issue you have to deal with.<P>Have you and her considered sex counselling? I know, most people think it would be embarrassing and disgusting, but maybe it's not, and maybe it could turn things around. What about other counselling? Not that I'm a big expert on that, we only went to one and my H refused to go again. But since you two are together "for the kids' sake" at the moment, wouldn't it be reasonable to try and make it better, even if it's only at first for the kids?<P>I know all about the bad guy thing...my h knows full well that if he doesn't make a decision about us by December, I will HAVE to go back to Australia, as he moves to another country then, and we're only in this one on his work visa. So if I take the kids back, and away from him, he knows the kids will see me as the bad guy. I'm just biding my time right now, trying to Plan A. But there will come a point where I have to do SOMETHING, and chances are to the kids I will look bad, but I won't be able to help that.<P>And Bill is right when he says the kids will blame both of you at first, because we are new at this, and my kids go between hating me and their dad. It's a process...and as he said, taking the high road will pay off.<P>I wish you well.<P>

<p>[ January 10, 2002: Message edited by: LonelyAtNight ]</p>

LAN,<P>You sound so near the end of your rope, are you sur you are doing all right? Call Steve.<P>Also , I would't talk to your kids till you have to, unless they ask you a question then answer with the truth.<P>as always you are in my thoughts<P>sing

Hello<BR>This is my first share. My husband of 18 years had an affair last Aug through Dec. I found out about it and b/c she lived in another town he chose to end the affiar but he was angry at ME for some reason. We have been in counseling for a year (yes, we were in counseling during his affiar and he never told the therapist or I) . Things have not progressed despite cousneling. He is not upfront and tells lies. I can not trust him. OUr kids are 13 (boy) and 11 (gril). They have no idea aobut the affair--just know that I moved into another bedroom 7 months ago. We have a low-conflict marriage. We both adore the kids...this will suprose them and hurt them terribly...how do we tell them? Shoule it be before he leaves? Thanks for sharing your won stories. <BR>Sad Wife