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Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 410
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My divorce was just final on June 29th. It had been dragging on for almost two years. I tried to slow it down hoping that my H would come to his senses but he never did. The affair continued and finally the divorce went thru. Now in the past two days he has been back home and he actually asked me last night if I had called the OW the night before that at 1am. He was in the house of course I didn't call her and I told him that. She had called him at work and told him I called at 1am bragging that he was home with me and not at her house. I find that very interesting that she would even think of doing that knowing that she would be caught in a lie. I told him that I was done playing her games and even knowing that he was staying there I wouldn't even give her number out to his friends that were still calling our house looking for him.<P>But now I am not sure what his intentions are. He was ordered out of our house and never moved his things and now I am in the process of having him evicted and was moving along until wammo he comes home. Now it isn't like he said he was sorry wanted to work out things with me etc. But I just wonder if he is playing me so he doesn't get evicted by the police from the house.

Joined: Aug 2001
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After I caught my wife in this last affair, I decided I should tell the wife of the guy. <BR> The guy of course had told my wife all types of bs "I've never done anything like this before" (they know how to play that dumb girl).<BR> The guy's wife told me that was BS because he had a history, in fact they had been DIVORCED AND REMARRIED over this before and NOW WOULD BE DIVORCED AGAIN.<BR> That is the only divorce/remarry over affairs that I know of and from what she told me before I got off the phone, it is going to be DIVORCE/REMARRY/DIVORCE.<BR> Sadly, that sack of lard (the guy) has 3 kids too.<P> Just do what you know is right and be smart. I don't ever see taking my wife back.<P>All the Best,<BR>DS<BR>

Joined: Aug 2001
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Me and my husband divorced in 1995 (because of his affairs) in 3/1997 we remarried and now we are going through divorce again (again because of his affairs - Same woman). We were not Christians in our first marriage. We are both Christians now. <P>The first major warning sign I see in your post is that he hasn't even apologized for what he has done. The second thing I would watch for is what is he willing to do differently this time and what steps to rebuild trust are necessary for you. Consistancy is the key. I think you should make a list of boundaries for him to comply with in order to be back home. Remember, you don't want the old marriage - you want a new one. He needs to be willing to rebuild trust. A good boundary would be for him to carry a cell phone so you can know his where-abouts (only until trust is rebuilt - say for 8 months or a year). <P>My husband says all the right things but his actions are totally opposite and there is no consistancy. <P>Another thing is learn and recognise what needs to change about you. For me, I wasn't completely honest with my husband. I would have sex out of a duty and I became resentful and bitter towards him. I never wanted to cause conflict so I would comply to anything. We NEVER fought. But I was always compromising my morals and values and feelings. Be honest with him and with yourself. If you are not ready for him to move in then put your foot down. There needs to be give and take.

Joined: Aug 2001
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I read DeeplySad and I wanted to add more that I thought of. When we divorced and remarried there was a 2 year gap there. I changed majorly in that 2 years but he didn't change much. I had a friend who said that her grandparents divorced and remarried when they were young and have been together ever since. <P>Others experience is not your experience or it doesn't have to be. I agree with DeeplySad in the statement - Be smart. There are lots of books I would like to recommend all by Henry Claude and John Townsend (they are Christian Counselors) Here is a sample of articles they wrote <A HREF="http://www.cloudtownsend.com/Articles/prev_articles.htm" TARGET=_blank>http://www.cloudtownsend.com/Articles/prev_articles.htm</A> <P>I strongly recommend reading the books: Safe People, Boundaries in Marriage and Boundaries in Dating<P>Don't get all floofy and giddy and just goofy in love without weighing the consequences and looking through reality glasses not rose colored dreamy glasses.


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