To: Lizbeth, Stephanas and Thoughtful:<BR>First, Lizbeth, thanks for the book. I enjoy reading about all types of diffent problems especially if it has anything to do with my own marriage.<BR>To Stephanas, easier said than done. Yes, it would be soooooo nice to just wake up earlier and roll over and him our husbands oral sex, but, what happens afterwards doesn't. It all just stops. This is why we are saying that we are tired of trying when it is not recepricated. We try over and over and over again to get close and because we are consistently pushed away, we shut our partners out, thus, ending up in the marriage counselors office. I wish it could be that way and I know Emmiebear wishes that were true also, but, reality speaks for itself. Instead of getting closer tothem we write to our friends who are listening and responding more than our husbands. <BR>For Thoughtful: <BR>I meant that we have found a counselor that is working-meaning that we like the counselor not that it's working between us. Although we have just gone to one session, so far, I like her. But, even so, that was 3 weeks ago, and still no change AT ALL from my husband. I have tried since than but nothing from my husband. I even said something to him but he got all defensive as always. So, I just don't even bother opening my mouth only in therapy. In therapy, I have said a mouth full and she has agreed with me and questioned him as to why he is acting this way... Answer??? He didn't give one but maybe in the next few months I will know the answers and I guess the bullentin board will to if interested. You definetly have a good memory and have responded to me before. Thanks for your input.<BR>Thanks to all the above. Hope to hear from you. Thanks. Your friend, Katya

Well, it's midnight and I'm sitting here on this silly computer because my husband and I have had another fight which has resulted in him going to his bedroom and I going to mine (although he's sleeping like a baby and I can't!!)<P>This fight was NOT about sex, because I've basically given up on that notion that we will ever have a normal sex life ever again. I agree with our counselor that the sex is just a symptom of something else wrong (ie, my husband's inability to relax...etc, etc.)<P>Here's the scenario. Mainly I need to vent, but I'm also looking for ideas on how we can find more time to spend together.<P>Our 17 month old daughter goes to bed by 9:30, usually 10:00 pm (it's been getting later and later ) By the time we have dinner and clean up...well, actually even if we did dinner earlier and skipped evening clean up, it would still be 10 pm before we got any alone time.<P>At this time hubby usually just wants to watch TV, or, more frequently, can hardly keep his eyes open. So any time I get with him is certainly not quality - it's half-asleep time, sort of his residue. There's only sleepy conversation and no energy/desire for sex or anything else (on his part, not mine).<P>I feel last in his life, by the time he's done with work and the baby - he gives what little's leftover to the TV, and THEN to me. And now he's going back to college the end of Sept., so that sleepy, poor-quality time that we had is going to have to be used for studying.<P>I feel like I'M the one making all the effort to identify our problems. If it were up to hubby, we'd just go about our 'merry' way, all the while drifting further apart.<P>No sex? To him that's okay. The only time we spend together is half-asleep? To him that's okay. If I didn't push "date night", we'd never have it. He says we should get a babysitter (other than my mother) so we can go out more, but doesn't do much to help me locate one. If I didn't suggest marriage counseling and point out all our problems, nothing would be done to fix them. He says I'm pessimistic --- well, excuuuuuse me!<P>It's no wonder that I no longer feel any kind of emotional or physical closeness towards him. I can't stand to be touched by him because when he does, I know it's his leftovers, and it hurts to remind me of what we once shared. It's no longer just about sex. Sex was just the first thing to go. Now, everything else has gone too.<P>He wants to cuddle. How can I cuddle with someone with whom I feel no connection to? He wants affection, but without that emotional or physical intimacy, I can't give him that. I can't kiss or hug or snuggle with him. That would feel as if I kissed the next door neighbor or a stranger off the street.<P>We don't have fun when we're together alone as a couple. We don't know how to be together when the baby's not around. He's incapable of relaxing or not thinking about work/career/finances/money (although we're financially okay) -- and as long as that inability to separate continues, I can't see many solutions to our problems.<P>I'm tired of trying to be romantic and romance him but never getting a single "I Love You" note, or a flower or even something simple in return. I don't ask for expensive things. Just something to let me know he's thinking of me and has taken a few minutes out of his day to show me. The last time he did something romantic for me was...well, sometime in 1998, I think. If that.<P>It's strange, but I love him and hate him all at the same time for all this crap we're going through and for him talking about all the solutions to these problems, but not helping to solve them or following through with the solutions. He's either so oblivious, or thinks that if he avoids the problems they'll just go away on their own.<P>I feel happier when he's not around because I don't get reminded of all of this pain - yet I miss him too.<P>I just want it to stop hurting, that's all - one way or another.<P>Thank you for letting me vent. This board is such a lifesaver and you all are so wonderful!

Oh my god, Emmiebear, you have to read my post (No sex, no affection ). I felt like you were me in writing your post. The EXACT same scenario. Well, you want to know about spending time. My H does the exact same thing you do - which is why I've come to the point of hating that t.v. I guess the key thing is to get him away from the t.v. Wake him up. Invite him to take a shower with you. Soap each other up and cuddle in the shower. I know exactly what you mean about kissing and hugging and all that. I don't want him to do that either. I just keep saying it's either your going to go forward and keep on going or just DON'T do nothing at all. Don't get my hopes up and let my guard down and then bam it's back to the starting gate. Let me see what else...play a card game? Get body paint and paint each other's body? No, scratch that, he'll probably fall asleep. Why don't you sit down with him and tell him that together the both of you should think of things to do to spend time together after the kids are in bed. Put them on little pieces of paper, fold them, and put them in a jar with a lid. Every other night, pull one out and do what ever the little piece of paper says. As far as no flowers, cards, etc. (same thing with me). Buy him a book of ideas. I think it's called 101 things you can do to tell someone you love them. Something like that. It gives you ideas of all kinds of different things that you can do to show your partner you love them. It's a pretty good book. Tell him to read it. His "job" would be do pick one every week and do one of those things to show you that you are loved. Everyday, each of you should say at least one loving thing to each other. Try these things and see how they work. I understand your frustration and resentment. Remember my post to you earlier? Well, keep me informed. Let me know. If you ever want to talk - e-mail me: ocwbooks@home.com. I am here if you need to talk. I hope I was of some help. Your friend, Katya

Emmiebear,<BR>Its incredible to read your statement <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>He wants to cuddle. How can I cuddle with someone with whom I feel no connection to? He wants affection, but without that emotional or physical intimacy, I can't give him that. I can't kiss or hug or snuggle with him. That would feel as if I kissed the next door neighbor or a stranger off the street.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> My wife has made the same basic statement and I feel exactly the way you described. Lately, our therapist has been encouraging my wife's point of view and critical of mine. Maybe as more "professional" counselors read and learn from these types of posts they'll see why that advice is dead wrong. We need a new approach here. Right now my wife feels empowered in her desire to not have sex. And me??I'm more confused and lost than before. I am hoping we will be able to talk to a good sex therapist because we need to work out a solution that both of us can live with.<BR>Does anyone listen to Tom Lycos (not the most upstanding source of moral or professional advice) anyway, last night I heard him state that once you become 'best friends' the sex is over. I wonder if that's what's happened to us. My wife loves it when I call her my friend but if I say lover she cringes and wants to leaver the room.<P>

EmmieBear<BR>Gosh we are alot alike. Lol. I bet you have heard that a lot lately. Your last post, is so close to what I feel. Alot of my problems stem from the things you mentioned. The feeling we are getting the left overs. That we are unworthy of our H attention. I sometimes feel like senting myself flowers and charging it to my H. After a while maybe he will get the hint. A simple "I Love You" goes a long way to us women, but to a man. Well we all no the results that we get. None. Men just simply do not know what to say to a woman.<P>My H and I have lately tried the dating thing. Trying to save a wounded marriage. Only thing is we have grown so far apart that we have nothing in common anymore. Nothing of interest to talk about. Its hard to date interesting if you don't what to say next. <P>I have tried the shower thing too. Every time I would suggest it he wouldn't get in the shower or he would wait till I had finally gave up and finished my own. Now I wait for him to shower then I jump in. It has worked a little but without the impact I thought it would. <P>I will keep up with your posts. Hope things work out.<P>UnSureWhat-2-DoNext<BR>

Hi everyone!<P>Thanks to all of you for responding to my post. Especially Katya, thanks for all the suggestions - it can't hurt to try. Or can it?<P>Anyway, hubby and I had another 'discussion' tonight, although not resulting in quite as bad an argument as last night. But I'll get to that one later.<P>We had our second session with our counselor, and I think I am going to like her a lot. She never took sides, but affirmed where both of us were coming from. She never addressed the sex issue, but she said that we were definitely making our relationship last priority in our lives (VERY true, and I've been trying to tell my hubby this all along, with no results), and that, no matter what, above work, baby, all else, we HAVE to spend time together and quality time at that. No vegging in front of the TV, no thinking about work, no sleepy conversations. My husband agreed to try it, although maybe I'm being pessimistic, but as far as putting our relationship ahead of his work, I don't think it will be possible for him to do.<P>During the session we brainstormed ways to spend more quality time together since our daughter has been monopolizing our time and staying up much later than usual. I had the idea that since we were used to getting up early, we could get up about 5:30 am every other morning, and eat breakfast together. Hubby agreed, so we'll see.<P>We had a fairly good day today because hubby had taken today and Tuesday off from work, and I worked very hard at helping him being able to forget about his work and pressures. I gave him head and leg rubs, etc and tried to keep the day as stress free as possible for him. Although he took the phone into the other room while he thought I wasn't looking, and called work to see how things were going! He can't spend one day without obsessing about the place.<P>The funny thing is, lately, even though he won't have sex with me, he has no problem whatsoever letting me "pleasure him". I did that once for him today in the afternoon, and again in the evening. When I suggested that we make love, he wasn't able to (ie lost his erection immediately), although he was actually nice about it and finished me off (sorry so graphic!). But that seems to be the pattern nowadays, no problems when it's me pleasuring him, but making love, he can't seem to keep it going anymore, if you know what I mean. I think my stimulation of him is causing that problem, and told him I'm going to stop.<P>That lead to our argument. We'll be married 2 years in October, and since our honeymoon night, he has never performed oral sex on me - not once. I asked him when I might be able to expect that again, and his diplomatic answer was, "Well, when our sex life goes back to normal, maybe I'll be able to start doing that again." Which to me means, nada senorita!!! So then I made a wise crack about hiring someone to do it for me, and he got angry and hurt (I was joking). Anyway, things kind of snowballed from there, and the argument ended with him saying, "You never know, there's always a possibility (of us regaining our sex life and him giving me oral sex)" -- which to me means, "Keep coming back to check, and I'll keep rejecting/hurting you." So our good day ended on a fairly sour note. It's surprising that we even got along today at all though, so something is better than nothing.<P>Sorry again that this is so long, but you all understand so much, and are really the only ones who I can talk to who know what I'm talking about.<P>Thank you again!! Please keep me updated on all your happenings...it means a lot to me.<P>'Night for now!

Dear EmmieBear:<BR>It did start off good, but, ended not so good. Still, you can't expect miracles. I see there is some progress. Good, keep going. It is going to get really really frustrated. But keep in mind, that arguing is so determental to the relationship in the sex department. Arguing about a specific need or problem in sex only focuses on that particular problem and makes it stand out like a sore thumb. So, everytime the both of you will get in bed and it's going to be focused now on oral sex. I had the same thing happen to me. 3 years ago, the EXACT same thing happened to me. (I am telling you and I have the exact same problems) My H loves to masturbate and always wanted me to watch him or "do him". O.k. fine, but his interest was not going down on me. I would have to ask him or beg him (the begging was the last straw - I never asked him to ever do it again because he shot me down after I begged and pleaded with him that I wanted to be touched and get pleasure too). But, anyway, that was my issue about him not doing anything to me. It brought on fights and tears. Tears came from me of course. Because of all the arguments and focus on that issue, everytime we went to bed, that problem stood out like a sore thumb. Since it did, my H's erection crumbled. Everytime I would ask him why he went from getting a hard on (sorry to be graphic also) to nothing, he stated it's because that was on his mind, that he was afraid that if he did not want to perform oral sex, than we would get into a big fight. Another words, it was more of a hassle to go to bed knowing the possibly was great in that we would get into a fight over the oral sex issue. So, since then, I never mentioned it again. Things in that department, in time, did change because I never brought it up again. But, of course, many more issues are in place since then. <BR>So, many you may want to not fight about that issue although I truly know what you feel. It really sucks to have it so one sided. <BR>The best thing you and your H can do is talk. There can never be room for arguments because they get you nowhere. There is no progress in fighting because neither side will listen to the other. Both sides close off what they should be hearing. If you do get mad, take time out (both of you) make an appointment with each other to sit down and discuss the issue. Each person should be allotted 10-15 minutes to discuss their issue. The other partner has to remain silent and let them speak. At the end, your partner has to summarize what you have said to him to make sure he understands what the problem you have and to make sure you know he understood your problem. Then it would be your H's turn to talk and you remain silent. This is the hardest thing to do is to remain silent. But, it works. Because you will get your chance to talk and so will he and also the both will have a chance to really listen to what is being said without intruptions. <BR>Try it and see how it works. I hope I have been of some help to you. Let me know how things progress. Your friend, Katya

Emmieb, I can only say "Wow!" to your last post. You actually 'pleasured' him twice in a day?? Where were you when i was dating? <BR>One of my wife's numerous excuses for not wanting sex is that "You only want BJs" She's only "pleasured" me that way four times and only once was she really doing it, in that she seemed to be enjoying it too. I was so grateful I went out bought flowers and treated her like a queen for days. apparently, my gratitude was not appreciate <BR>I have been reading on the net and elsewhere why this is a big issue. It's a very different experience for men than for women, BUT when thing I have discovered is that one cause of a partners aversion is actually taste. Yuck, here we do get a bit graphic, anyway, we are not always as palatable as we'd like to be. the flavors and aromas of what we've eaten do come through. Anyway, this isn't as notible on men until the ol' climax (And well a good reason most women do not take oral and finshing orally as appealling) Anyway, a woman's body is a lot more instaneous in that area. And well in all honesty, there are times I really couldn't stand the taste or smell when I "pleasured" my wife. Something which I actually enjoyed doing to her a whole lot more than she likes it. (It's too intense she says.) Anyway, i don't kbnow if that shed any insights for you as to why your husband is so reluctant.<BR>A more real possiblity is your husband has real performance anxiety. He really is scared that he won't be able to please you that it's easier to not try. That would explain the loss of the erection too. And he might be afraid of getting you pregnant.

Twice in one day!!?? Geez, now I'm depressed! How about twice in one life? The second time was our wedding night, over 18 years ago. Maybe it was a wedding present or something....<P>The few times she let me do something similar for her, I enjoyed it, because (I thought) SHE enjoyed it. I never expected it to TASTE good--why would I expect that?<P>Well, those days are long gone, as is the rest of our sex life. Can't offer much in the way of advice, KAM, but I sure can relate.

Doug,<BR>Glad to meet a guy who a relate. Actually, I've always been so puzzled as to why Oral Sex is such an issue for so many women?<BR>It just seems like so often women are wondering why their husbands aren't interested in sex or etc... yet most of the guys I know are feeling like lately we're doing everything to please our wives but if its something we enjoy. We'll forget it.<BR>Meanwhile a mile or so away a "Lingerie Shop" was busted because they were giving out "hand jobs" and BJ's for as much as $400 bucks! I'm not sure who were the real suckers there Oh well. Bad pun.<BR>Anyway, you'd think that women would here that, see Monica L. and say, geez why am I so stubborn here.<BR>Any women out there want to share there insights or reasons?

Kam,<P>Well frankly, unless it's for reasons of sexual abuse or the like, I can't understand why on earth a woman would not want to have sex with her husband. Or vice versa, as in my case. <P>I would have sex with my husband 24/7 at the drop of a hat, if I could. But he has no interest in it whatsoever. I asked him again today why he's not interested, and his reply was that he "has better things to do". I can't think of a single thing that's better -- except maybe a good body rub!!!<P>As for the oral thing, up until recently I wasn't very fond of it, but it was something I'd do because I knew that my hubby liked it. I guess a combo of the taste, smell and hair was just a bit too icky for me. But now, it seems that it's the only way that my hubby will have "sex" with me, so I do it much more frequently ...sometimes several nights in a row. <P>In my opinion, it's very selfish of him, but I guess I'm desperate enough to keep doing it. I even finish him off to completion these days (trying not to be too graphic), and while before, I wouldn't ever do that, now I love it. (still can't swallow tho')<P>Anyway, I guess my opinion is that if your spouse likes it, you should at least try to do it for them, especially if you love them. But I would never force my hubby to do that to me, even tho' I think the unselfish thing for him to do would be to just grin and bear it - even once every 6 months or so. Is that too much to ask?

Hi all,<P>Quite a bunch of subjects here... let me see if I can put them in order...<P>Emmiebear, have you see what Dr. Harley writes about sexual fulfillment (i.e. Sex is to be shared in marriage)?<P>I have a problem with shared meaning the he gets "his" philosophy. Shared is shared. Period. Share all that Harley says on sexual fulfillment with your H and read a couple of the books which Harley suggests in His Needs, Her Needs and you will come to understand the reality of married sexual fulfillment. Hope I don't sound tooooo fussy here, this subject just irks me sometimes. <P>KAM, you asked about oral sex and what makes women so stubborn about it. Well, just my opinion here,... I have almost always loved to give my H oral sex. BUT he was the one with the sexual addiction and was mast with his fantasies to the extent that we had no sex life so it really did not matter what I liked or disliked. Then when things started getting better between us, I often give my H oral sex up to a point before he pleasures me manually and before we have sex. It is an exchange between the two of us not something for nothing like it has been in the past (like when he wanted to get his and I was left to try to go to sleep aroused.).<P>Dr. Harley expressly says mutual sexual fulfillment. If both partners try to learn and adapt to how sex is supposed to be (not all or mostly for one person), they can have a wonderful mutual sexually fulfilled relationship. But it takes reading and learning from books, etc. and talking to each other to find out what is acceptable and why and what is not acceptable and why. Not to mention making sure that your spouses' most important emotional needs are met for the few days prior to sexual fulfillment times.<P>Try it, I bet you might find you like it.<P>Hugz and prayers, Thoughtful

thoughtful & emmieb,<BR>I wish I had you two around for my wife to talk too. Your right it all should be mutually fulfilling. Actually, I think that's part of what caused problems for us. My wife was content and satisfied. I have always tried to be the accomodating spouse. Whenever, she's had problems I tried different ways. If it hurt and she wanted to use a pillow for support, I got the ol pillow. What happen was I started to feel unfulfilled like it was all centered on her. And, it was and so I started asking, suggesting and guiding. To be honest that's part of why I'm so resentful at times. I really feel like my wife comes out of the school that the woman owns sex and she permits the man to appraoach on her terms. <BR>Re: I have always found that giving her oral sex was a fantastic thing for me too, never felt like it wasn't mutual. If anything I think my wife hates the fact that I enjoy and feel like I'm making love when I do her. <BR>I really feel like I have a no win situation. She wants to write and enforce the rules around sex. And the rule book has gotten way too thick. And I wonder why itdoesn't bother her.

Here's a question for you all:<P>What do I do with all this sexual energy that's built up inside me? After yet another day/night of my husband saying, "Not tonight, dear..." I am so frustrated. I have all this pent up energy that I don't know what to do with.<P>Masturbation is okay for when things get really bad, but it doesn't replace that closeness with your spouse, nor the feeling of being totally loved by someone. It just makes the emptiness feel worse. And I could never have an affair, I love my husband too much.<P>How are you all handling it? Any tips? Thanks!

Dear Kam, Doug:<BR>I think I have to jump in on this one. I personally love oral sex and never had a problem with it. But, you are right, many women do and from conversations with them, they all basically say the same thing that they are grossed out by the end result. I don't know if that is an answer you arelooking for, but, that's what women say. I guess I'll even get more graphic (sorry) and say that many women won't even swallow for the fact that they feel it's disguisting and feel like they will get sick. I personally feel that one should not dwell on any of that. To just enjoy every part of everything both of you are doing and things would be better off. To actually sit there, while one is giving her H a BJ, and thinking about all the negatives than it probably won't be as enjoyable for her H. My solution, 69. <BR>Well, I guess Monica had the right idea because it kept Clinton around.<BR>Emmiebear: Your question is my question also since we ride the same boat. Masturbate????You know after many many months of that, it is boring. I even stopped basically doing that. I sure couldn't answer this one because I would also like to know the answer to that. I guess try different methods of masturbation like a battery operated french tickler that you strap on like a pair of underwear (under your underwear) and can turn it on whenever and whereever you are,...work, lunch, etc... I guess that's different and kind of naughty in a way especially if your having lunch with your boss and having an orgasm at the same time and he doesn't even know it...then again , I guess you could be like Meg and Tom Hanks in that movie where is pretending to have an orgasm in the restaurant.<BR>So, what do you have to say to my post now guys???

Emmiebear,<P>I have the same problem that you do, but I have been living with it off and on for 14 years. <P>Does your H masturbate? If you don't know or don't think so, have you asked him? And can you trust him to tell you the truth?<P>Either way he must realize that sexual fulfillment is important in a marriage. Right? Does he understand that sexual fulfillment in marriage is about mutual pleasure?<P>If you know that he does mast. or think he might be doing it, read on...<P>In my marriage my H's disinterest is due to 1) his addiction to porn, fantasy, and mast., 2) the issues which caused his addiction, 3) him not understanding about my sexual fulfillment needs (which is in my top 5), and 4) him not understanding about the male and female sexual stages, and 5) him not understanding that marital sexual fulfillment is mutual, satisfying sexual pleasure for both partners.<P>It took years for us to 1) understand that porn, fantasy, and mast. is not a "boys will be boys", "men will be men", or "a man has a higher sex drive" thing but instead it often becomes an addiction, 2) start recovery from his addiction and the effects on our marriage, and 3) start learning about sexual fulfillment from page one. Dr. Harley recommends a couple of books about sexual fulfillment in His Needs, Her Needs.<P>I was able most of the time to just squash my desire for sex once it was established that my H was not interested in sex with me (He told me once he was in recovery that he tried not to have sex with me so that he would not use me as an object of his addiction.). Later my love bank was often too empty to initiate sex or sex would be just like my H said - he used me as an object of his addiction.<P>BUT squashing desire is not how to have a successful and happy marriage. We are now learning together what we both should have learned before we were married and talking a lot about sexual fulfillment. Discussion is very important.<P>Let me know what you think here, K?<P>Hugz and prayers,<BR>Thoughtful<BR><P>------------------<BR>To save your marriage use Dr. Harley's methods at <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/" TARGET=_blank>www.marriagebuilders.com/</A> <BR>

Thoughtful and Katya,<P>Thanks so much for the input. To answer your question: I asked my hubby outright if he masturbates, and he said "no", the only time he does it is in front of me (on rare occasions.) I didn't believe him so I asked him to promise me that this was true - and he did. His promises are as good as gold...so I believe him. He has never lied to me.<P>I just think he has absolutely NO desire for sex. He never looks at porn, and never talks about sex. And he doesn't have time for an affair...<P>It's just so difficult. Thanks again for all your support.

Hi,<P>Just wanted to bring this back to the top and let you know that you can consider one other thing, Emmiebear.<P>There is such a thing as Sexual Anorexia. You might want to look into that. You can find information at <A HREF="http://www.sexaddict.com" TARGET=_blank>http://www.sexaddict.com</A> Don't be put off by the URL, Dr. Doug Weiss deals with addicts and anorexics in his daily practice in TX.<P>Good luck and let us know how things are going.<P>Hugz,<BR>Thoughtful<BR>

As I have read the posts from some of the women, I am constantly reminded of what I could have had if I might have waited for someone else. My wife constantly insists that her lack of sex drive is just normal for a woman and no women desire sex any more than she does. I just wish I had known where you women were before I was married. Of course, before we were married, my wife told me that she could not wait for marriage so that we could express our love sexually. <BR> <BR> Emmibear, as for your husband, I have no idea how any man could resist a woman who was willing to satisfy him in the way that you have described. My wife is not even willing to allow me to attempt to satisfy her orally, although I would do this whenever she wanted me to. <P> I certainly hope that your husband wakes up soon. I just wish that my wife would get just a small bit of your drive or interest.

Thoughtful,<P>Thanks for the URL, I'm going to check it out after I post this reply. We've been going to counseling for about 5 weeks now, and although I do like our counselor and I feel that she is helping my husband deal with the stresses of life, her take on the matter is that since we've been going through so much in our lives lately, it's normal for my husband to lose his sex drive. And while I agree with her, this is helping to validate my husband's lack of drive, and therefore, not make him uncomfortable enough to have to face it and deal with it. So, essentially nothing has changed.<P>IsIt2Late,<P>Thanks for your support. I'm beginning to think that the reason my husband can "resist" everything that I am willing to do for him is precisely because he knows I am willing. He knows I'd never refuse him (if he should ever ask, that is!) I don't have that much willpower. It happens so rarely that, even though I'm usually so angry with him that I don't want to have sex with him, the flesh wins over the mind. It's a double-edged sword <sigh>. Anyway, thanks for your input.<P>Emmiebear