Went to pick up kids tonight at W's house. Went inside. She was in kitchen, dressed in stunning, short dress, hair flowing. She was gorgeous. I told her she looked nice. She is going out w/ girlfriend to see a band (friend is divorced).<P>Asked kids to go out and get in car. Then I told her, very sincerely, that she looked like she was 30 (39). She seemed a little taken aback, paused, then said "you look good too". I've lost about 30 lbs. She seemed sincere. Then we all left.<P>Was too much? I think she was flattered, but also uncomfortable. It killed me to see her looking so good, going into a 'stimulating environment', and knowing I cannot even hold her hand.

Nope, you didn't go too far... and ya know why?... because, if you had, she'd have said something like, "Why are you looking at me that way?" or "I told you not to talk to me about personal things"... ya know, something like that.<P>I bet you just put some nice deposits into her love bank.<P>

Great job! Next time you see her make subtle eye contact and talk to her about something that interests her, smile and stay upbeat, positive discussion only, don't get over entangled.

ANB3,<P>Nope--you were just right. Trust me when I tell you, there is nothing as thrilling as having your man look at you with "That Look" in his eye and saying, "You look GREAT!" <P>If you had gone too far, she would have said something like, "I told you not to talk to me like that", but she didn't. She returned the compliment. She probably was a little uncomfortable because she wasn't sure how to respond or because it's been a while since you complimented her or something like that. <P>Good job, ANB3!! Keep up the good work!! It's hard to be patient (believe me, I KNOW) but you are doing a great job.<P><BR>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Great job!!! I know how you feel, I never seem to know what is a LB and what is not until after it happens, in our situation.<P>Watch her next time: will she dress nicely again...if she does take it as a really GOOD sign.<P>Incidentally my WS always shaves before his visits...he has always had a five o'clock shadow...I haven't seen it yet. Wonder why???

Thanks guys. When I dropped kids off today, I talked to her for a little while. Told her I hope she did not feel akward about what i said last night. She ducked her eyes a little, almost grinned I think, and said no, not at all. She is interested in what I am doing-where am i going to church, what am i talking to my therapist about. Told her about a great dinner i had the other night, but did not tell her who i was with (my sister). She did not ask, but i could tell she wanted to. I have been evasive on the therapy thing. Did not ask her anything about her night last night.<P>Think i did OK-trying very hard to be upbeat, positive, strong, independent. Has gone pretty well last few times.<P>I am tryting not to look too hard for signs-no expectations, right? But i take her interest, even if it is mild, as better than nothing.<P>And Nina, I make sure to shave as close to when i will see W as i can-which sometimes is a long time. but i always try to look good, smell good etc. Today, I wore some shorter shorts to show off my new legs-pretty buff if i do say so myself. Not quite as good from the waist up, but i'm working on it!<p>[This message has been edited by ANB3 (edited August 25, 2001).]

Great, keep trying to present the best YOU every time you see her.<P>I saw my h early this morning...he wanted to take the kids for a whole day for a change. So I had a bit of a dilemma on how good I should look that early on a Sunday morning. I decided to do the whole face and hair thing, and make it look like I was going out...true, by the way.<P>Tight little top, etc and a big smile when he arrived, nice enquiries on how he was, I told him he looked really good today and he said, oh these are just my usual clothes (somewhat surprised by my comment). Then he started saying that the kids will need sweaters and hats. I had a bag all packed for them including sunscreen, drinks etc. So I told him this, he was impressed...packing a day-bag like that was always his job, so I guess he didn't think I would do it. <P>Then he asked me AGAIN if I was going to rejoin my rehearsal group tonight. The reason I'm not going is that everyone there knows OW and what's going on, and I just can't face them right now. He knows this...I said "No, I told you that." And here's where I'm learning. I had it in my mind to say "And you know why, so stop asking me about it!!!" BUT I didn't say it!!! <P>Trouble is, does he want me to go so he can come back here and stay with the kids without me being around, or because he wants me to show up there to alleviate his guilt about reducing my social life to zilch? Who knows, I don't care, I'm not going. <P>Man he couldn't get out of here quick enough. My demeanour is really throwing him for a loop!!! I'm making him think, anyway...<P>Look good, act happy, make eye contact give her a love bank deposit whenever you can.<P>The one thing I would suggest is that you don't apologise for telling her nice things...this may get you an answer you don't want to hear. She COULD have said that she didn't like it, and please don't do it again...now how would that make you feel?<P>Good luck!<BR>

Thanks Jacky. I did just waht you suggested i not do-told her Saturday afternoon when droppnig off kids i hoped i had made her uncomfortable with the comment from Friday night. She said no, not at all, but i'm not sure she was totally honest.<P>i think i will tone down the compliments for awhile.<P>Another occurence of interest. i told her about a good meal i had out last week at a place we used to frequent. Did not say who i was with (my SISTER!). She did not really respond. Well, yesterday, she was probing it some more. i was evasive on answering her questions, never did say who i was with. i do believe she may be a tad jealous!<P>Now, the question is is that good or bad?