It's hard enough that my wife started having an affair(with someone 19 years older), but her parents have helped her every step of the way in the last two weeks to get a divorce(which she never told me about!). We had our first meeting in court today to divide some assest(something that could have been done without lawyers)and then I find out that her parents have bought a townhome that she will move into in Oct! She will probably rent dirt cheap from them. She didn't say a word to me in the courtroom and she just gave me the most fake smile ever! It was like aliens have taken over my wifes body. She also looked horribly skinny. She was maybe 116 when she left, now she looks like an unhealthy 100. She's scary looking. <P>Then I lost my dog(like my son), which her parents came to pick up after the meeting. This has got to be the sadest day of my whole life. In two months I've had my wife taken over by aliens, have an affair, and then file for divorce. Then the alien parents came and took my little boy(my little dog that I loved soooooooooo much!). Next on the journey from Hell, I'll lose my home I've lived in for the last 2 years! Wayward Spouses suck! I'm pretty low right now. My dog and I were the only two in the house. Now I'm totally ALONE! When I get home from work tonight the house will be totally empty. <P>What are her parents teaching her? How screwed up is she going to be if her parents don't let her take any responsibility, EVER! If my daughter did what she has, she'd be out on her own looking for an apartment(most likely with roomates) on her own. If my daughter wanted to go cheat on her husband and then run away to her new lover, she'd be doing it on her own. I would be far from paying for her lawyer, getting all her things, and then buying her a new home! What do you guys think? <P>Terrible day, <BR>FF63

Final fantasy,<P>WOW, I'm sorry you are having such a tough day! My heart does go out to you. I truly don't know what to say. Just know that it will get better!!! Today was a bad day but you will have good days. I wish I could say more to make you feel better right now, but I darn it I can't think of a thing! <P>Take care!<BR>ANNA<BR>

It's so sad to hear your story. I wish I could say things are going to get better but i'm still hurting myself. I'm new to all this so i'm not sure what to say but what i can offer you is a little support. I share your pain and know one day you'll be happy again. Hang in there my friend.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Final Fantasy 63:<BR>...It was like aliens have taken over my wifes body. She also looked horribly skinny. She was maybe 116 when she left, now she looks like an unhealthy 100. She's scary looking. <BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Not meaning to focus on tangents here, but this leapt out at me: a weight loss like that is a symptom of clinical depression. Any family history of that?<P>

Clinical depression in her family? No idea, but she's going to a consoler right now, so if anythings going on I think they'd notice. Who knows though, my wife had her moments of depression while going through school, but nothing too bad it seemed. I really think she has something wrong upstairs right now though. Depression, social anxiety, all that probably go back to her sexual abuse when she was younger. Who knows? Our problem though is the 42 year old man who manipulated and persued her at work, which ultimately has led to our divorce. Life is full of twists and turns.<P>Life goes on, <BR>FF63

FF63,<P>What you may be looking at in the relationship between your wife and her parents is something called natural affection. Right or wrong, my daughter is my daughter for the rest of her life. <P>Natural affection is a legal term for the bond between the closest of relatives, between parent and child and between siblings. The truth doesn't count much. It is the bond that makes parents stick by offspring, even those convicted of murder and residing on death row. Anyone who tries to compete with that bond is on a fool's errand. <P>I know this is kind of hard for you to look at, but on the bright side, at least you will have the peace of mind knowing that this person you love has a roof over her head.<P>May I suggest you think about being good to yourself. In the long run you'll find out that your concern about what her parents is doing for her is a red herring. One way or the other she needs a place to live, and how she gets that place is mostly her problem.<P>Prayers and stuff,<P>Bumper

<BR>Quote<BR>"Then I lost my dog(like my son), which her parents came to pick up after the meeting. This has got to be the sadest day of my whole life. In two months I've had my wife taken over by aliens, have an affair, and then file for divorce. Then the alien parents came and took my little boy(my little dog that I loved soooooooooo much!). "<P>Hey FF63!<BR>I know just how you feel about your dog!!!! I have three miniature dachshunds and they are MY children!!!<BR>I would fight to my last breath for them. If you can, get your dog back, please!<BR>Why did you let her parents take your son (dog) anyway?<BR>I don't mean to sound harsh, but I know how much a guy's dog can mean to him and my heart goes out to you.<P>BTW...the aliens have taken my W to the same space ship they took your W to. I understand completely.<P>Good luck,<BR>vb_guy<BR>

Well, my lawyer basically said, that since our miniture dachshound, black/brown with long hair, was a Christmas present from her parents and my wife had the him for 4 months in the house before we were married, he'd eventually end up with my alien, soon to be ex-alien. It made sense and I'm going to have some long hours in January. I will be working for about 9-10 hours and going to school in the Twin Cities. I would hate to have to leave him home alone for 15-18 hours a day. It's almost best for him that my stbxw takes him. I know she loves him to death so he will be treated well. If I thought that she wouldn't be good to him I would have fought, but this is best. It would be harder for me to find an apartment in the Twin Cities that excepts dogs, so that had a little to do also. It really sucked, but I tried to do what made the most sense for my dog and me. It also made her parents feel like total crap when they had to take him from me and maybe the rest of the way here they will be a little better about this whole thing. Who knows? <P>Don't know what else to say,<BR>FF63

FF,<P>You put your dogs needs over your own hapiness. Some spouses would have fought out of bitterness to keep him even though they would know it wasn't best for the dog. You are an incredibly cool person and someday some woman will be incredibly lucky to have you in her life. <P>ANNA

I wish my stbxH will have as much since about whats best for our daughter as you have about your dog. I am so sorry about your situation. What a horrible way for a marriage to end. <BR>Prayers

Well FF63,<P>I know this won't really help you right now, but you can get a new dog and love that one to bits as well. It will help you, although I know right now you don't want any other dog. Substitute the word dog for WS and everyone will see the point!!!<P>And your dog, the one she's got custody of, will still love you....they don't see you for months and they're all over you when they do.<P>I suspect that taking the dog was a vindictive act on your wife's behalf, She is young, and she will be stupid to go along with it.<P>The speed at which this is happening for you astounds me....what, for a man 19 years older???? And how long do you think THAT will last?<P><BR>Yes, as you've said a couple of times today, WS's suck!!!<BR>

I know how you feel, FF63. I lost everything too, some of it my own doing because I chose to extract myself from my husband's adulterous carryings on. I gave up my home that we bought barely 2 years ago, I gave up a job that was o.k. and friends whom I feel like I've known forever. And, worst of all, my son decided that he wanted to stay with his slimebag father. All I have left are some belongings from our home and my cat. I had $3,000 in a profit sharing account, gone. I had nearly 5 years invested in my job, gone. I had what I thought was a fairly happy, although by no means perfect, home, gone. And today the newspaper in MN (which I used to work for) published that the dissolution of my marriage has been granted. I feel sick. The papers aren't even signed yet. I am fortunate, however, that his family (with the exception of his dad) feel that my ex has "created a monster" and will not help him financially nor will they accept his mistress into the fold. I don't know if his father has helped him in any way but he allowed my ex and that woman to stay with him last May when my ex went to NM to bring that woman to MN. Needless to say, this caused a wedge between my ex's dad and his sisters because they want nothing to do with the mistress.<P>Sorry, I didn't mean to ramble so. Know that I feel your pain. It's like all those years you spent together are just plain gone and the ex is suffering no consequences for her actions, right? Tell me about it. Hang in there, FF63. Whatever happens, you WILL make it. God doesn't close a door without opening a window.

FF,<P> I sent you an email but wanted to reply here too. It seems these are all excellent words you are getting.<P> I didn't know about the townhome.<P> You can be sure that her parents are feeling guilt that you can't begin to understand right now. Under their care she was molested, and grew up with no sense of morals at all. I know that I would feel completely miserable if my child turned out to be a WS.<BR> Everything they buy her will be like gasoline on a fire. Soon her acting out will turn to despair. One affair will lead to another and then another. Before long she will have no female friends at all and just a group of male users and users to be. This is the situation my wife is in now. The only friends she has, she hides most of the truth from. No one wants a chronic cheat around, they may mess up their own relationships. Only loose members of the opposite sex who want to have a cheap romp will want them around. The only people who will relate to them at all are other backstabbers and they get tired of each other very fast. <P> There are many silver linings in your situation trust me! Most of all you have no (human) children. This is the ultimate consolation in all of this believe me! This whole situation I'm in is magnified with our son. Aside from having to find a way to manage him without putting him in daycare (a very tough task, one that requires the STBX's help), I have to see her parents and herself all the time. Our grandchildren will be a uniter forever too.<BR> Please know how much worse it could be although it doesn't feel like that I know. I miss my wife very much and I am so sad that we are over. Divorce is a horrible thing. I think we all learned TODAY, Sept. 11, 2001 that the power of evil knows no boundaries.<P> I'm sorry for everyone's pain today in this country.<P> I am so sorry for your pain, the pain of everyone on this board, my son's pain, my family's pain, my stbx pain (self-inflicted), and my own pain.<BR> This is a terrible terrible time.<BR> <BR> My God give us all the strength to heal ourselves and move forward in these dark times. We MUST believe that love will ultimately prevail or else we are lost.<P>DeeplySad<BR>senornaldo@hotmail.com<BR>

Well I can certainly understand you're feelings about her parents helping her out: My wife left me earlier this year, and at the moment is living with her parents. Her father frankly told me that he just didn't know what to do: His daughter calls and asks if she can come to stay with them, what is he going to do, say no? He knew that it would be better if she stayed her husband, but he just didn't know what to do under the circumstances. I understood, and I don't blame her parents at all. Yes, they made it easier for her, but they were in a tough position, and let's face it, if she was determined to leave, whether they provided her a place to stay or not wasn't going to change much of anything. I'm sure she would have found someplace else to stay. (Hey, in the long run I'm sure that if she had gotten an apartment or some such she would have found some way to make me pay the bill -- I had to pay everything else. Now that I think about it, her parents probably saved me money. I'm starting to like them more the more I think about this.)