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Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 410
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My exH came over last night to pick up the rest of his things from the house. I am putting the house up for sale and he has basically moved in with the OW. He wanted me to sell him the house but for less than I feel I can get on the market so I have the control to sell it myself.<P>The question is why is he so angry at me? I wasn't the one that went and had an affair and now because the reality of what he did and what it cost him is setting in he is mad at me. He never answered the divorce papers so I got a default divorce and he has to pay me for his assets he kept and past debt that I paid off, also the house was to be sold and the proceeds divided equally between us after paying the rest of our debt off. So he is losing a lot because he just didn't do a thing legally. And now he is blaming me for not giving him a chance to buy the house even though it isn't a fair price. He said that he put all the work into it and I should be fair about it. I just can't stand the thought of the OW being in "our" house and told him I am not selling to him.<P>But why be so mean and upset. He said he never wanted to talk to me again, that I was a mean, spiteful and revengeful bit**, that nobody would ever want to marry me again, and that our marriage was bad for years and the OW had nothing to do with our breakup.<P>Is this normal behavior for the WS that is not getting what he wants and throwing a temper tantrum like a 2 year old. It is like everything is my fault and he just wants what he wants.

Joined: Apr 2000
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totally normal . . .<P>in reality, they are mad and frustrated at themselves, but they can't face that music, so they lash out at the ones they tend to want to blame.<P>basically, it is an emotional out of control, self centered response.<P>as my X said to me, "This is all about me!" as she beat her chest. She said she felt empty, as if I was the one to fill her up. If I didn't fill her up, she had to find someone/something else to do that.<P>This reaction is typical, and you need to just be firm and hold your ground without getting emotionally angry.<P>remember, its not ALL about you, its more about them than you.<P>good luck<P>WIFTTy

Joined: Jun 2001
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I agree my STB W/S, is now blaming me for filing for divorce. You remember how often we heard the your crazy-just friends BS. Now the battle cry seems to be Im mad at you. Your the one who filed for divorce. I also recently confirmed that she and O/M are still in daily contact. I hope Im around to see the S**T hit the fan once his wife finds out,

Joined: May 2001
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If you find an answer to this question please let me be the first to know, She left , moved in with OM, Filed for divorce, got what she wanted and the whole time was mad at me and acted like it was all my fault, Even now 9 months later she still calls on ocassion and acts mad at me. It is funny she called today and threatened me and blamed me all over again, I reminded her we had a no contact order. And this is what she wanted, she told me it was all my fault and OM had nothing to do with it.

Joined: Jul 2000
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I was the W/S but I am not angry at my stbx, he filed for divorce, I am hurt, yes, but only because I'd asked him to find another job and actually be home all the time and not be gone..so that we could have a marriage..and he couldn't do that..do I take that hurt out on him..no, it's not in my best interest, nor my kids..he's hurt/angry..and lets the words fly..has even cussed me out in front of the kids..<P>I had even ended relationship w/ OM to give us a chance and give him a chance to find another job..but even a year later..he still hasn't even looked for another job that would allow him to be home every night...and I wasn't about to let him do what he did in the past..have him come home for a few months..making promises that he'd get another job<BR>and not even look..just to get me to shut up -- I wanted his actions to finally match his words..and you know what..they finally did..said he wasn't going to look for another job..<BR>and he took two weeks off from work and found some place else to live..so I'm not angry..just hurt that his job was more important..<P>And WIFTT-- thats it -- needing someone to meet needs that a person can't meet..those needs can only be met by God..<BR>and they are mad because you can't meet them...because they <BR>looked for you to fill that void in their soul that you can't..so just have comfort in knowing that they know something is missing in their life..they just haven't figured out what it is yet..but pray that one day they will..when the relationship they are in now fails because<BR>OP can't fill that need either..

Joined: Jun 2000
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Hi bc...<P>If I were you, I would just ignore whatever your H has to say.<P>You know that he has always blamed you for everything. He still refuses to accept responsibility for his actions and doesn't like the consequences. Well too freakin' bad!<P>If you do feel the need to respond to him, you can tell him this, "That's your problem! You made your bed...Well, lie in it!"

Joined: Sep 2001
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BC,<P>I'd tell him "Honey, I'm not keeping you from buying the house, you still have the opportunity to buy the house just like everyone else, you know the asking price just call the realtor and tell them you'll buy the house." (of course if he's anything like my husband I would maybe tell him this on the phone, while on my way out of the country!) hehehe<BR>Good luck, I know how awful it is to have someone angry at you all the time.<BR>ANNA<BR>

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Thorned Rose,<P>you are right, but I disagree with one tiny point,<P>the God part,<P>the only saying from Christian religion that i ever took away as significant was:<P><B> God helps those that helps themselves </B><P>and as a non believer, I only have one person to be responsible to or for, and that is me. I make mistakes, but i don't get someone to forgive me, I only have me to forgive myself and me to answer to.<P>It makes life a whole lot simplier, since I don't have anyone to rescue me, only myself, i have to make it on my own. . . . .<P>good to read your type, you have it right, you get what you accept. . . .

Joined: Nov 2000
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Absolutely!!!<P>I do EVERYTHING I can to maintain a reasonable business relationship with my WS XW. It doesn't matter.<P>She failed to pick our daughter up this weekend. (she evidently miscalculated the 1st weekend, thinking it was the 2nd) I would have called her to remind her, but the last time I reminded her of something, she blew up at me. She charged me with being condescending. Whatever. Therefore, this time, I did not call her. It is not my responsibility and she was a pain in the a** the last time I reminded her of something. It was time for her to deal with her mistakes.<P>When she was coming to pick up our D yesterday, I questioned her about it (cell phone call). She said I was wrong, blah, blah, blah. She said "f*** you". I hung up. I went out to meet her and talk to her about it when she got here. She was a royal pain. She assaulted me. I told her to stop or I would file assault charges. I also told her that if she could not behave in a rational, reasonable manner that I would take her back to court. I told her that I would have our D this weekend because I have the legal right. I told her I was willing to switch with her, but since she was being such a pain I didn't have to. She sped off, leaving our D with me. She quickly called back and came back to pick up D. As I tried to convey to her information about our daughter, she again went insane, but took daughter, I gave up and went inside. She called back later about our Ds school pictures. [I said I would pay for hers and mine as she is paying child support. She said she wasn't going to pay for my pictures]. (can anyone see how little she listens or understands?) She said that she would order my pictures and if I would write her a check for them. I said okay. She called back AGAIN to tell me to leave her alone and not threaten to take her to court. I told her it wasn't a threat, but I had no other option of dealing with her since she refuses to behave rationally. She said that I don't have any control over her, she can live wherever she wants, and she is moving on with her life. I denied ever controlling her or telling her where she had to live. She had no comeback for that as she knows I NEVER have. I told her that I only care about our D. She said that I don't care about her (XW). I told her I do, but that she's not my responsibility anymore. I do not call her for anything. She calls me and tells me to leave her alone. (insanity)<P>It is her own personal hell. I pity her, but she made it herself.<P>Thank goodness I have primary custody and can maintain some degree of fairness and consistency for our D.<P>They are irrational and angry with themselves. They are figuring out that the grass isn't so green. They are doing everything possible to still place blame on the BS. Hey, I'm the BS, and I'm not around anymore and you are STILL unhappy. Yeah, right, I'm the problem...<P>As if the terrorist attacks and a busted radiator weren't enough. (I did replace my radiator using the time off from work though.)<P>Brother seemed to be doing a little better (he's near a divorce with his W). I've been helping him the best I can. He finally has the right attitude after she moved out. There is a lot of hope if he stops being stupid.<P>I wish my WS XW could finally be happy so that she will just leave me alone in peace. She asked me what I wanted. I replied with "peace".<P>Kevin<P><p>[This message has been edited by father of 1, husband of 0 (edited September 12, 2001).]


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