hi all this is my first post here. my husband and i will be married 9 yrs next month he has told me he wants to live alone, we have a 6 yr old and a 2 yr old. we have been in counseling for one year, i moved out with the kids almost 2 weeks ago, in order to protect him, because things were getting ugly. he now refuses to talk to me only if it has to deal with the kids. he told me last year that he doesn't love me, but just last month he told me he does. we are going to meet somewhere to talk sat or sun and i think that we are just going to talk about splitting up, the kids would be devastated, i want to work things out but he just wants to run away, i don't get it? i have only been with him and to my knowledge he has not been with anyone. in the past 3 weeks he has gotten a checkbook, a cell phone a credit card and a po box. i think selfish is an understatement and i want to make this work but i need a willing mate here. i feel that if he leaves that will be it, there will be no coming back, i think he would get to used to living alone, but what he has not thought about is that it will be much more work when we are separate, and i don't think that divorce gets rid of the anger, unless there is physical harm, which there isn't any.<BR>i'd love have some feedback as to what i am going to say sat or sun, i have told him that our marriage is the most important thing, we can work it out, that i miss him and his only answer is that he knows-that i miss him that is. i really have to say i can't even believe this is happening and i never thought that my children would have to endure this suffering. oh today i brought him lunch, a steak and mushrooms, and he said what do you want. well i know he is very angry that i took the kids, but that is what i was told to do by the counselor. i plan on moving back next week. he said that if i moved back he would get a hotel room. any help please i want to do the best for my children even if it means i have to sacrifice myself thanks my user name should have been willnotbreakmyspirit

WNBS,<P>You should move back. You and your children deserve to be at home. If you think it is unsafe you may want to try to get a cop to come there, during the move. If he wants to move in a motel, well that's better than you and the children living in a hotel. Let him.<P>Here's some information for you. You should read as much as possible. Sorry you and your children are going through a tough time. I hope things get better for you.<P> There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your question</B>...<BR>...check out <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000557.html" TARGET=_blank>Acronyms, Smilies, UBB Codes</A>.<BR>NSR/Jim<P><BR>

thanks i wanted some advice on what to do, i am now taking trazadone to help me sleep. i will move back on monday, but i feel like at least he is not looking for a place now, but maybe it is inevitable. anyone have anything that i can say sat and sun, i am looking for a window of opportunity and have only received closed doors. i also don't know how long i can be a door mat. i am also terrifed of being alone, who would want a 35 yr old divorced mother of 2, i made my scheule for my husband, i stopped going to graduate school, and i work nights for his conveniene, i don't know how much i can tolerate even if we were to get back together, but after reading the effects of divorce on children i realy want to make this work, what the heck is he thinking anyway? i'm still confused. i have done everything for him?

Please listen.... Stop saving your husband, its now time to save yourself and your children. Please start working on yourself. This might not seem to be what you want to hear but it is what you need to do. Your children need to come first. From what you are saying your husband has made up his mind and seems to have a wall around him. Don't try to reach out to him now, having him move to a hotel is the right move. You must never leave your home " start thinking of your children". It might be time to move on or atleast give him lots of space, plan B is in order. Start working on yourself. By the way 35 is very young, please start thinking positive. Give yourself some time and you will find that you might be happier after this is over.

<p>[This message has been edited by lost-in-life (edited September 28, 2001).]

Suggestion: Have a look at <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0809225131/qid=1001604602/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_2_1/107-5624542-0326938" TARGET=_blank>Should I Stay or Go: How Controlled Separation (CS) Can Save Your Marriage</A>.<BR>