Everyone seems very down this week… well needless to say I’m there too. I am really not doing too well. I keep having the voice in my head saying ‘my life really sucks right now’.<P>My H and I are actually speaking now – sort of. On Monday we spoke and I called him again in the evening. But then I said maybe it is better that we don’t talk. Neither of us contacted each other and I felt really down about that. Then today I called to ask him how he was and he was off with me, not nasty, but not overly friendly. Said he had a work crisis. Oh well… <P>But what is bugging me is the divorce date is coming up (I don’t have one yet), and that then everything is going to be so final. I was so fine with this until we starting talking again. How do you divorce a friend? I told him it is hurting me so much to be a friend. Maybe he is showing me his vulnerable side and it is to that that I am responding. Right now for this instant I want him in my life, maybe in an hours time I will feel differently. This whole ‘talking thing’ has set me back weeks. I am feeling depressed.<P>I think it would make things easier if I was going out with other men, but that just isn’t happening. I am so not used to flirting and I don’t know how to get back into the swing of things. But considering my feelings I am having for my H right now, I don’t think that dating is the wisest solution. I have been separated for 3 months now! That seems really long. The next thing it will be 6 months and I wonder where I will be then. I don’t still want to have no one in my life. I don’t even want anything serious, just non commitment type of relationships. <P>Well if I sound lost and confused – that is because I am….<P>Pantha<BR>

((((Pantha))))<P>I don't know what to think on this one. For the longest time I wanted to divorce as friends. But as things unfolded I realized that I didn't need fiends that cause me such great pain. Friends just don't do that to each other.<P>Being active will help but please proceed with caution when dealing with men. For me, I haven't dated at all just made some friends and I am finding out that I am definately not ready for relationship issues.<P>Hugs, Thoughts, & PRayers from Kansas<P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

Thank you for the hug and reply LH. I needed that. Friends would be nice too, but that is not happening either. I don't know where to begin to make friends.<P>Also true real friends - don't lie, cheat and hurt each other. I forget that. Oh well.. I won't phone him again, I have made the initial contact again and if he doesn't call then I will just forget the friendship thing totally.

Pantha,<P><BR>How's it?<P>Sorry to hear you are at a low point too, it's three months for me as well, maybe this happens at the three month mark.<P>I wish there was some advice i could give you, but I can't even help myself right now.<P>Just know I am thinking of you.<P>Love and light, Jacky<P>PS:<P>'From Bill:<P>"I don't know what to think on this one. For the longest time I wanted to divorce as friends. But as things unfolded I realized that I didn't need <B>fiends</B> that cause me such great pain. Friends just don't do that to each other."<P>Freudian slip there, Billy boy??? LOL! Hey you made me smile today...that's something!

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Pantha:<BR><B>I will just forget the friendship thing totally.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I see couples that are able to be friends when all is said and done, I just don't know how or why. I'm not totally opposed to being "friends" with my X at some point in my life, it's just that right now I don't really want anything to do with her outside of the girls. All my wounds are still too fresh and the path that she has chosen to walk down is not one that is condusive to friendship.<P>Think about it. A friend typically shares similar likes, goals, life styles, and so on. They are someone you can share you worst/best moments with without judgement. They are someone who won't lie, intintionally hurt you, or do ALL these mean things. So when I talk with my X I'm friendly just have no desire to have her as a friend.<P><P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

I know how you feel (((Pantha))). I filed for divorce about 2 weeks ago. My STBX is the one who wanted the divorce and I filed because I don't want him to sit on this for months and then decide to come back when he's good and ready.<P>My STBX has been out of the house since July 24 and I was missing him badly when he first left but it got easier. Then when I filed for divorce, it got harder again just knowing that my marriage failed or I should say my STBX failed at wanting to work on things. Now I'm at a high point again. The doc did put me on meds for anxiety/panic attacks and I have been feeling better.<P>I can't and won't be friends with my STBX. I thought when people were married, not only were you to be a husband or wife but you were suppose to be a friend too. If he couldn't be my friend in our marriage, why would I want him to be my friend out of our marriage. My STBX can live in "happy land" as I call it and we'll see how happy he is in a few months and how many friends he does have down the road because he's using them all up now.

Pantha,<P>You're probably just on the ole' rollercoaster. It gets better. the valleys aren't so low and the peaks are real ones-not those "high" feelings when you feel like your spouse might be coming around. It gets better. <P>Sounds clice' I know, but keep working on yourself. go out and have fun. For me, I just like sitting by myself at a movie or at a little place down the street and watch football games. Anything. Just try and have fun. You'll meet people when the circunstnces are right. Stay active and try to have fun. <P>i, agree on the friends thing. friends of mine are not adulterers and liars. So, my relationship with X is only kid and business related. Nothing else. i don't care to know how she;'s doing (because even if she was down she wouldn't admit it anyhow) nor do i care for her to be privvy to my affairs. Its just none of her business and she is none of my concern. having said all that, though, I still get the lows myself sometimes, but they are not nearly as low as at the 3 month point.<P>It gets better--promise--just look out for yourself.<P>hang tough.<P>Lou

Pantha-<P>Sorry to hear that you're feeling down. I have had a bad week of it as you know if yu've read my posts. Maybe it's the time of year.<P>I agree with you on the friends part. I was doing really well with Plan A when he was being a jerk. Now he's being nice and we're talking again and it is so hard. I know I want more and it's so hard not to just scream it out. Patience is a key thing, but it's killing me!<P>As for the divorce I also know how you feel. I filed too, not because I wanted to and now I fear the finalization of it. Life can really stink you know!<P>Take care of yourself and keep positive!<P>K

I really feel this topic is where I fit best right now. My husband moved out for the 3rd and last time last night. He doesn't want counseling and we are already dealing with the lawyer and taking care of the financial matters which he is being fair with. See he cheated on me and has lied about it and doing drugs for 4 and half years of our 7 and half year relationship/marriage. We have 2 young boys, 2 and 4. <P>The whole thing still seems like its not real or isn't happening but it is. I have lost a lot of weight over this, which isn't all bad.<P>I am catholic and my parents are still married. We picked there marriage date because we thought we would have better luck that way. Well now all I did was cause heartache for theres I feel. When I married him I knew it was forever and had no doubt of anything else. I was raised that if there are bad times well there will be good times again. Not oh time for divorce. SO it just makes me angry to think I was so stupid to marry someone with so different values than me. IF he thinks he can come back to me when it is over he is dead wrong. I will not subject myself to falling back into those arms for anything.<P>I feel for everyone here. I would like to join some sort of divorce support group. I will have to look into it. ANy one live in the Minneapolis area?<P>Susanne

Hi there Susanne Hatch <P>I am sorry that you are going through this. I understand about the drug thing. It is hard to realise how someone we lived with and had a relationship with could hide things from us. There is a lot of good info on this site and you should read it. Post a new thread and I'm sure someone will give you the important links. <P>Good luck with everything and I hope you are ok.<P>Pantha