I was just curious if anyone felt like me looking back at how the stbx treated me.I feel there were warning signs all along that i was to blind to see, anyone else feel the same?..What is one of the meanest or hurtful things your stbx said or did that made your feel rejected that you will never forget??<P>I can name atleast 3 things off the bat..<P>1.He told me i wasn't the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with,didn't want to have a family with me. And i have never been anything or will be anything he wants.<P>2.And then around my 7th or 8th month of pregnancy he wouldn't touch me he said my belly was gross and he would pick me apart from my hair to my skin nothing was good enough.<P>3.And finally but not last i had to beggggg him to be intimate with me at times and still he would refuse...Talk about rejection..That's when i realized he wasn't attracted to me..And guess what his loss because i'm the best he will ever get..

Upon finding her A, she excuse was "You never home to talk to ..."<P>1. She did call OM while I am home from her cell after getting stupid excuse to go out many many time.<BR>2. I was busting my butt w/ 2 jobs.

You mean like leaving me in the hospital when I had surgery - and accusing me of not wanting to go home.<P>Or, disinviting my Mom on T=giving morning - so that for the first time in her life, Mom sat alone on t-giving.<P>Or... smashing all the dishes in the house (twice) (Including $1000 worth of china) - and in the process, beating up the fronts of the kitchen cabinets by throwing dishes at them.<P>Or spending about $4000 on phone bills to OM in europe....<P>Or... the really big one... Lying to me to tell me she loved me and standing in the church taking her vows when she thought they were "a bunch of pompous nonsence" (told me beforehand that they were lovely and deeply meaningful) - just because her mom wanted an American son-in-law.<P>Oh, and then there is sleeping with that guy.<P>-AD

i do not know why i still love her. when she first left i asked her what happened to her, she was not the same person i left 2 1/2 months earlier to start a new job, and she said she got her backbone that was nice of her to say that. then she told me she hated me after 18 years. Also she left after i just bought a $200,000.00 house 1200 miles away from our old home. And now i have one child that wants to live with me and the othe that lives with her mom. <P>some words she said to me in the first 10 weeks after she left it is now 4 1/2 months. <P>pull up your up by your boot straps<BR>get a life<BR>you can f**k someone else<BR>I don't care<BR>I hate you<BR>I cant give you hope<BR>it is your fault<BR>I want to try to make it on my own<BR>f**k you<BR>I need time<BR>stop calling<BR>I can't think<BR>I'm frozen<BR>I can't predict the future<BR>I do not know<BR>I'm having fun<BR>there is no good time to leave someone<BR>I'm on a job interview<BR>I have dreams<BR>you f**ked up my dreams<BR>plus many more.<P>p.s. i got a card from her on tuesday on the bottom it said love diane<p>[ October 17, 2001: Message edited by: ronnb ]

I guess the thing that sticks in my mind the most is a quote from my XW as follows:<P>"There wasn't anything in our wedding vows that said I had to stay with you forever."<P>The other thing that still haunts me is how she abandoned me and our then 4 year old daughter every weekend during the summer of 2000 so she could hang out with OM and all his guy friends drinking and possibly doing Peruvian marching powder. This was devastating to our daughter. And she gets to move 3 hours away with her; NO JUSTICE!

"I could've been so much more if not for you"<P> "If I could mash you and the OW together I'd have the perfect woman"<P> "I regret every minute that I spent with you"<P> "I've never loved anyone the way I love you"(said to OW)<P> "You'll never understand what real love means, not like OW"<P> Add to that threatening to beat me up if I so much as talked to OW. Threatening to destroy my life because I made OW cry(he did). Too much to list.<P> Thankfully the hurt has passed. I don't feel anything but complete indifference towards this man and haven't cried in a very long time. I'm glad he's gone and wouldn't take him back even if he wanted it.

Too many to list. This is a depressing thread.<p>[ October 17, 2001: Message edited by: Nina too ]

There are many, but I suppose what stands out the most is how I chose my handle.<P>In marriage counseling he told our therapist that he didn't think I was capable of love. She was aghast ... he said it with such cold emotionless lack of acknowledgement that I could have ANY feelings that it shocked HER. And I suppose she's seen and heard a thing or two.<P>That probably hurt more than the vile names he called me, or the threats to "get some" elsewhere, or the insults and claims that I was crazy.<P><I>Edited to add: Thank goodness for good counseling. Right on, Cinderella!</I><p>[ October 17, 2001: Message edited by: NOT incapable of love ]

ooh, it is kind of a depressing thread. Oh well, in kind of a depressed mood.<P>let's see: how about "I thought about what could happen that was bad in a marriage and decided it wouldn't bother me if you had an affair, I'd just walk up and shake his hand and buy him a beer."<P>or, sickening stuff: "I didn't love you first, I fell in love with your daughter (at the time 3 years old)"<P>or, basic: "You aren't ambitious enough, you aren't what I want, I just don't love you".<P>More than what he said were the actions of constantly hanging on to old girlfriends, making his friend across the street the most important person in his life, making me give up everything that meant anything to me, telling me that no one liked me, etc. yeah, wonderful guy [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <P>Lori

Anybody else noticing some common things here? <P>I think probably the hardest thing for me to hear has been hearing how he has never felt anything so powerful before as how he feels for her. - Yeah right, I doubt he married me, stayed married for ten tears, and had four kids on a whim!<P>Also he has told me she is the most loving, caring, and understanding person he has ever met. This really hurt because he has had quite a few problems during our relationship and although I admit that at the end I was very distraught, untrusty, and down right bi#$%^, I always held my head high and stood by him while at the same time raising our family, working, and going to school.<P>I guess the best thing for us to remember is that they are in a fog based on fantasy not reality and therfore, don't take it personally!<P>K

1) "i will have sex with you when i can find the time. . . ." between her 6 day a week job, (8 am to 9:30 pm) plus sunday nights, and her voluntary on call 24x7 part time, volunteer job. . . .<P>2) "you are not real! only EMT's and firefighters are real." this one was really strange. . . <P>3) "you are too independent, you can just go off and play sports." <have been doing that every since we met, and we met on the sports fields.><P>4) "you rich people . . . ." <even though its our money, and i left for college with $750 in my bank account and only had to borrow from her parents once for a car, and once from my dad while in college for my first sail boat.><P>5) "since my parents should have divorced, we are getting a divorce. . . " <like what does that have to do with anything here, between us??><P>yes, i have said some hurtful things, but i usually apologize, and very seldom, usually about once every 10 years, or if i am under a very high stress load at work, and she is pulling her stupid act. . . .<P>i can go on!

All along I've tried not to dwell on these. I know it's easy to do so in the early days. Because, like so many of you, I was so deeply hurt that I was a bloody mess for a long time - a couple of years(?).<P>But, rather than go over them here, I found it far better to go over them with my counselor. And I've had several. <P>That person is not emotionally attached to me or to anyone involved in the situation. They know more about dealing with these emotional conflagrations than me and they can see it objectively. Their goal is to heal my heart, my soul, my spirit, my life.<P>And I could not have come through my ordeal nearly as well without one or two of them. Some of them have had specific issues to deal with. Some have not.<P>Sometimes it is cathartic to spew anger here. But there are more healing places for topics like this. With people who can really help you see what you need to gain from your experiences and what you need to heal and forgive.<P>I'm slowly, and it's been an ongoing process, forgiving x for some of what he did. Because I see who he is and how sick he is. But I wouldn't without Phil, Mona, and Karen.<P>Hats off to good therapists/counselors!!!!<B>Hat's off to good therapists/counselors!!</B>

How 'bout....<P>*"If I could mash you and the OW together I'd have the perfect woman" (same as someone else said)<P>*"You're a fridged b*tch." (After not wanting to have sex with him much over the past year because he was so mean and cold to me all the rest of the day...hmmm...and it wasn't even conscious on my part....)<P>On another note, I know someone else mention the book "Sudden Endings" in another post, about wife rejection, but I'm reading it now and it is SOOOOO my husband. I am beginning to wonder if I really DID do anything wrong to lead hom to an affair. <P>I used to think, of course, it takes two to wreck a marraige...but now I'm not so sure. The things I see that I could have done differently aren't the kind of things that break a marriage. They're the kind of things that love overlooks, just like I overlooked and put up with his negative traits. That's what love is SUPPOSED to do...."Love covers a multitude of sins."<P>He did it. Period.<P>Aloha,<BR>Ms.O<p>[ October 17, 2001: Message edited by: Ms.O ]

I was sitting here thinking what to say, so I read what the others had to say, All I can say now is thats me I think I heard everything all the others said.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Nduli2:<BR><STRONG> "If I could mash you and the OW together I'd have the perfect woman"<BR></STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Hey! My W said just about the same thing to me today - except about OM.<P>-AD<p>[ October 18, 2001: Message edited by: AbandonedDad ]

One of many mornings i stayed home from work because of depression. I woke up at 8 am cause i could not sleep. And she and I started talking. Well i started crying. And she got up and said "thanks for ruining my day"<P>Then once she told me that the OM was her 'soulmate'.<P>and she would call me weak and a big baby all the time and a loser cause i got depressed and could not go to work a few times. She had no problems with depression and could go to work fine, and had no problem going to the Gym. But of course she was getting what she wanted.

"Dont be sad....this happens all the time."<P>WS to BS

The last time we had sex and before I knew about the affair was two hours after they had sex.

As you all know... the WS says alot of mean things to the BS... due to the FOG...<P>One that sticks out is...<P>ExH to me..." This is real easy, we just split everything... it's that easy"<P>s